Mass Effect: Milieu
by Prism Elf
Summary: [Milieu: the surroundings or environment that somebody lives in and is influenced by.] The Normandy carries more than just soldiers. It carries, hope, friendship, love and despair of the entire galaxy on it's silvery black wings. Moments captured in time.
1. Next Time, Wake Me

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the rights pertaining to Bioware and the Mass Effect universe. With that said Vaina is my character.  
_

_This is a collection of short stories based around prompts over on livejournal for their Mass Effect Insanity Challenge. I've enjoyed writing the short bits and they kinda of fill in little gaps for me and whats happening with the Normandy crew and with Shepard. Be forewarned...some of the chapters do contain spoilers. I will try and post spoiler warnings. Also the rating for this collection might go up depending on if I get the confidence up to post rated M. I think I can do it, but well, I'm shy to writing stuff like that. Mostly it might go up do to language and graphic detail of violence, but not sex. Well, not at first anyway. The romance is based on my femshep Vaina Shepard Spacer/War Hero/Paragon/Vanguard and Major Kaidan Alenko. _

_Enjoy and review! Thanks!_

_Sincerely,  
Prism Elf_

**"Next Time, Wake Me"  
**

Shepard had been rereading the same line for the last hour. The words just refused to compute. Sighing she pushed away from her desk, standing she turned toward the door of her cabin. Pausing she threw a glance over her shoulder at the piles of discarded reports. Reports from Earth, the Citadel, Pavelan, Rannoch…the list of causalities kept piling up like dried leaves in autumn there were too many to count, the numbers just went on and on. Her head pounded. She needed a drink and a back rub. But that wasn't likely to happen anytime soon.

The rustled mutter of cotton against cotton caused her eyes to flit beyond the mess on her desk, pass the glass casing of her model ships to the lower sanctuary of her cabin. Kaidan was still in bed. He laid on his left side wrapped up in the covers. His olive colored skin a stark contrast to the creamy color of the sheets, his face was soft and relaxed. The worry lines that Shepard had noticed gathering around his eyes and at the corner of his lips were smooth, virtually non-existent while he slept. Her heart contracted painfully. She had no doubt that she had placed a few of those lines on his face, as clearly as if she had taken a marker and drawn them on herself. But seeing him relaxed and sleeping soundly, knowing that she was responsible for that as well made her heart unclench itself. She had no illusions. She would give him what little peace she could. They didn't have that too often. Kaidan deserved to sleep just a little longer. She could at least bring him some peace.

She turned back toward the door, a smile spreading across her face. She could at least say one person in the galaxy was peaceful, content and safe for the next few minutes. She would give Kaidan that before she plunged him back into the turmoil of the galaxy.

* * *

Shepard sipped at her coffee watching as the mess hall slowly filled up with off-duty soldiers. Her eyes scanned the throngs of people waiting in line to grab breakfast and coffee before their next shift started. The coffee she sipped was delightfully warm in her hands. She was a people watcher. She liked to just sit back and listen. It was a hidden talent. Sometimes one could learn a lot from a person by just watching them.

"So next shore-leave, Johnston. You and me?" Isaacs asked of a pretty little dark featured woman, Corporal Johnston, who had taken the seat next to him, about five seats down from their CO. Shepard tried to hide her smile. Regulations were regulations, but right at the moment with the end of the galaxy hanging above everyone's heads. She couldn't blame them, nor would she. Technically she was breaking Regs too. Or maybe it was _had broke_n. She wasn't certain of the blurred lines at the moment. She was a Spectre and so was Kaidan, though he was a Major and she a Commander. And if she was being completely honest, he wasn't here by complete Alliance authority. Sure Kaidan had told Admiral Hackett that he would be working with her, but Kaidan was a Spectre his first proiority was to the safety of the Council faring races...galactic peace was their top priority. _Yeah, screw Regs. _She wasn't missing out on being with him again just to appease the Alliance Brass. It was war. AND war was insane. She needed her sanity check every once in a while.

She took another sip of coffee and continued her observing. Strange thing was she felt somewhat relaxed. The crew would nod in her direction as they walked by, some even threw a smile her way as they entered the mess hall. She smiled back or nodded back. Letting them know she appreciated their acknowledgments.

A hand clapped down on her shoulder. She forced herself not to jump as she tilted her head to see who…Kaidan slid into the seat next to hers. A smile splayed across his lips. Her eyes narrowed, but the grin twitching at the corners of mouth gave her away.

"Shepard, you let me sleep in," he paused removing his hand from her shoulder. She suddenly missed the firm grip. "Again." He whispered brushing his fingers down her arm. His touch sent goose-bumps cascading down her arms.

Shrugging she looked down at her coffee mug. It was empty. "I didn't have the heart to wake you. You looked so peaceful, so content."

Kaidan's eyes followed her gaze. He gingerly took the mug from her hands. Standing up again he leaned forward slightly his breath tickling her ear. "Next time, wake me." The soft huskiness of his voice rolled suggestive Regulation breaking thoughts through her mind. Her cheeks warmed.

"Is that an order, Major?" She teased keeping her eyes focused straight ahead.

"No, just a simple request." He moved away taking her mug with him. Shepard watched as he grabbed another mug for himself and poured two cups of coffee. Walking back over he set her mug full once again in front of her. She took it and sipped gratefully. The liquid warmed her tongue and throat. The bitter concoction danced across her tongue and played within her blood.

Kaidan sat back down next to her. His knee pressed lightly into hers under the table. It was the subtle hints that she loved most. His silent reassurance was all she needed sometimes just to get through the day. The remainder of breakfast passed in companionable silence. Something Shepard greatly loved and appreciated.


	2. The Little Things

_Thank you for all the story alerts, author alerts, and favorites! You guys are awesome! : ) Anyway, this next section doesn't feature Kaidan, but it does give some insight into Shepard's mind. Also I mixed a little ME 2 with ME 3. In my mind Shepard had to reassemble some of her models. Thanks again and enjoy! By the way this is my first Mass Effect fanfic...so if you notice anything off in the universe just let me know. Thanks!_

_Sincerely,  
Prism Elf_

"**The Little Things"**

Shepard sat back in her chair. Placing a hand to her lips as they twitched into a satisfied grin. There before her sat a perfect miniature model of Sovereign. The squid like body had been rendered in loving detail. She had poured hours into gluing all the little pieces together. Model ships were calming for her. A few hours of calm and quiet. She could lock herself away from all the problems and worries of world and paste and pop little plastic pieces together. Every piece had a part and every part had its place and purpose.

She dropped her hand tapping a finger to the back end of the ship. She turned it a little to the left and then to the right. The light bounced off the deep red color of the model making the ship appear to be made of actual metal. The glue was almost dry. Once it was she would pick it up and place it the glass case with all the other ships that she had cared for and collected.

A soft scratching sound turned her attention to the small furry rodent trapped in glass behind her.

"Hello, Boo." She said sweetly to the little ball of fuzz currently digging food pellets from his porcelain food dish. The hamster picked up his pointy head twitching his nose at her twice before stuffing a pellet into his mouth and retreating back into the darkness of his house. Shepard laughed. "Good to see some things never change."

Redirecting her attention back to the model on her desk, she once again tapped the ship. If only the real Sovereign and Reapers were this big. Then they would be easy to handle. Annoying, but small and easily squashed with a stomp of her booted foot. Then the galaxy would be easy to save. Earth wouldn't be burning as she sat here piecing together a miniature Reaper to keep herself from going insane from inactivity. She knew there was only so much she could do in between missions. But that didn't mean the downtime didn't make her stir crazy.

Sighing she stood up. Picking the ship up, she looked thoughtfully at it. She only had room for one more on ship in the case. Her eyes drifted to the empty spot. It was perfect. Sovereign would be wedged between the Destiny Ascension and the original Normandy. The irony was not lost on her.

She stared at the small ship cradled lovingly in her hands for a few more minutes. She turned it left and right again admiring her handy work and that of the designer of the model. Breathtaking detailed and flawless. She wouldn't have been surprised to hear Sovereign's voice in her head. Speaking to her telling her about the Reapers and them coming to destroy galactic civilization as she knew it. Shepard took a deep breath. Exhaling slowly she tossed the model to the ground and smashed her boot down on it. One, two, three times.

After the third time she stared at the broken pieces of the ship. Red shards glittering at her like burning worlds. She rolled her shoulders and turned on her heels, leaving the mess for later. One Reaper down, only a couple thousand to go. Sometimes it was nice to enjoy the little things.


	3. Expect the Unexpected

_So the last chapter was about Shepard...this one is about Kaidan. I like the idea of him being a teacher. I think he would have been nervous about his first day or at least has some anxiety over meeting his new recruits. But I also think he would have taken a page out of Shepard's book in getting their attention. If you think it's OOC let me know...but for some reason after playing ME 3 with him in my party as much as possible I could totally see him doing this to get the students attention. : ) Happy Reading and thanks once again for all the favorites and alerts!_

_Sincerely,  
Prism Elf  
_

"**Expect the Unexpected"**

Kaidan's hands were sweaty. His nose crinkled at the thought of sweaty hands. Yes, he was nervous. Him frickin' nervous. He had faced down geth primes armed only with his biotics, he had helped Shepard defeat Sovereign and Saren, and he had come nose to nose with monstrous hordes of rachni and husks all begging for his blood, had he flinched? Well, maybe a little at the rachni, but he hadn't shown his trepidation at facing them.

But now? He stared at the door leading to the training room. His body physically responded. His heart raced, hammering in his ears causing his head to start aching. He didn't need this. He should have told Anderson, no, a third time. Rolling his shoulders, he couldn't do this. He would rather be stung by a Collector wasp again than go into that room. Everything instinctual was screaming at him to run.

Sighing he looked around. Seeing no one in the white washed hallway, he wiped his hands on his dress pants. Thankfully they were dark in color so no one should notice.

"I can do this." He told himself. The door still barred his way. He raised his hand and activated it. The green glow of the locking mechanism twirling brightly for a moment before it faded and the doors slid apart revealing a white lighted training gym. At least upon first inspection it looked like a normal training gym. There were small differences. The punching bags were reinforced with extra chain supports so they could take full force biotic kicks and punches. The workout machines were still present, but there were additional machines for practicing biotic lift and pull techniques there was even a range to exercise throwing weighted targets. A climbing wall built into the back wall allowed students to train hovering with biotics with proper safety equipment. Practice dummies wrapped in metal lined another wall just waiting to be warped. The gym was just what was needed to teach biotics in the defensive and offensive aptitudes. It was a gym very similar to the one he had trained at in Brain Camp.

His breath caught in his throat as images from a past he thought over and done with flashed behind his eyes. Squeezing his eyes shut he counted to three and opened them again. The last him needed at the moment was a trip down memory lane. He had moved pass BAaT.

Young people milled about the room all dressed signature blue training fatigues. Some stood in small groups near some of the lifting equipment; others were paired up at the targeting range and at the sand bags. But all eyes and heads were turned toward the largest group gathered at the base of the climbing wall. A young man and woman were climbing. They were both about half way up the wall. They seemed to be racing each other.

"She's gaining on you, Myles, better not lose this one!"

"Come one, Mein! He's got nothing on you."

"Five hundred credits says, he beats her."

"I'll take that bet."

Kaidan watched speechless. They were good climbers, but he also noticed they were cocky and proud: Neither one was strapped to a safety harness. Which meant two things in Kaidan's mind: A) either they had enough confidence in their biotic abilities to suddenly hover if they slipped and fell or B) they were relaying on someone below to catch them with their biotics. He preferred opinion B. That at least meant they had trust in other members of their squad, but from what Anderson had debriefed him about the Special Biotics Division; they were new, young and arrogant. More likely than not they thought they would catch themselves.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. All nervousness was gone, now he was getting angry. He didn't lose his composure all that often, it was one of the reasons Anderson had picked him for this assignment. After all the crap he had endured at BAaT, he had come out pretty level headed. The Alliance needed his kind of biotic potential and talent to train and recruit up and coming students. So what if he was an L2 implant, he still spiked higher than most L5's. He learned long ago that he was different, a freak among humans, but that didn't mean he thought he was better than anyone else. Too many young people were falling into that category and it bothered him. And these two climbers were pretty good examples of that. No one had even noticed that a superior officer had entered the room. It would take more than clearing his throat a few times to get their attention and gain their respect.

He looked around and spotted up against the wall near a couple of practice dummies, large clay disk. _Perfect._ He thought, a slight smile tugged at his lips. If his time with Shepard had taught him anything it was people _would_ listen to words, but only after you had their undivided attention. As he couldn't shoot his gun at these recruits, his biotics would have to do the trick. _Let's see what these kids can do._

A familiar tingling sensation shot through him as he tapped into the dark energy stored within him. A glowing blue aura sprang to life around him; it swirled and twisted around his body hugging him close like a lover's embrace. It was almost as intimate, and definitely as comfortable. He shifted his stance and raised his right arm, then his left. Two clay disks rose easily from the stack. He smirked. His attention was divided between his concentration on lifting the disks and the distance of the recruits climbing. Yeah, he could do it. It wasn't cockiness just pure fact. Something these soldiers needed to learn. He threw his arms back and then shot them forward much like he was throwing two balls.

The disks flew straight ahead as if they had been fired from a cannon. Kaidan flicked his wrists upward changing the arch of the disks making them swing above the heads of the bystanders and up toward the climbers. The disks crashed right above the heads of each climber. Reddish dust powdered the climbers. Shocked by the sudden and unexpected explosion of clay dust into their eyes, both climbers gasped, choking on debris. Their hands slipped and they started to fall.

A collective intake of breath escaped from the watching crowd, their eyes glued to their two falling comrades. No one moved, no one glowed. Kaidan lowered his arms and then snapped them up again. A blue glow surrounded the two. He slowly let them fall and when they were about five feet from the ground he released his hold on them letting both thump unceremoniously to the floor.

"Lesson number one," He stated evenly, but loudly. All heads swiveled his way. He had their undivided attention. He suppressed his dark energy, the blue flames faded as quickly as he had called them. "Expect the unexpected. Now fall in."


	4. I Thought I Lost You

_Once again THANK YOU! For all the alerts and favorites! I'm glad people are enjoying this collection as much as I am writing it. I'm sorry that it's out of order, but I sometimes just write what were I feel inspired to write about. : ) Well, here we have another Kaidan and Shepard moment...In a way this is how or why I believe that Shepard and Kaidan didn't have a moment in game. I think he would have asked, but then backed off. Because honestly yeah, I know my Shepard was getting frustrated with everyone asking her if she was all right. : ) So happy reading and thanks again!_

3 Prism Elf

" **I thought I lost you."**

_Thessia._ She watched from the outside vid channel feed. The planet was burning. _Like Earth._ Her thoughts were dark and her ribs were aching with actual pain and her mind flared with the pain of failure. Her pulse quickened at the very thought of all the asari still left on the planet below. All the civilians, the innocent people dead or worst turned into Banshees, all pawns of the Reapers.

Shepard turned away from the console and moved to the back of the shuttle. Liara's eyes remained glued to the vid screen. Filled with horror, tears and utter disbelieving fascination. Her full lipped mouth was in a silent protesting 'O'. She didn't notice Shepard turn and walk away. Disgusted with her grievous error. It was too much like running away from Virmire and Earth again. Failure was not an option. She couldn't fail; she couldn't lose again to a two bit assassin like Kai Leng. But she had. Fury bubbled out of her.

Clenching her hand into a tight controlled fist she punched the back wall of the shuttle before spinning around to plant herself on the bench. Crossing her arms she leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. She had gotten cocky and more than a little full of herself, Kai Leng had bested her because she hadn't been prepared hadn't thought of the possibilities. Never again.

"You alright?" Kaidan asked. His voice soothing and calm. It bothered her that he could be so collected at a time like this. Thessia was being destroyed. They had lost the data to Cerberus.

"No, I'm not _alright_, Kaidan." She snapped. She heard his sigh and click of his armored boots as he came to sit beside her.

"I figured not." He replied leaning back against the wall next to her. His shoulder scraped against hers. She couldn't feel the contact through their respective armors, but a part of her brain figured he was sitting so close deliberately. "Shepard, I don't have any words that will make you feel better."

She sighed and opened her eyes. The gray ceiling of the shuttle greeted her. "I'm not looking for words, Kaidan. I don't need a pep talk. I failed, plain and simple." She shrugged trying to play off her defeat.

"Oh, then you don't need me to tell you…you did everything possible for Thessia. That somehow this will all work out, and if I see that Kai Leng bastard again I will happily kick his indoctrinated ass from here to dark space." Kaidan's voice deepened on his last statement. Shepard lifted her head and looked directly at him. He openly wore disgust and anger on his face. His lips were twisted into a scowl and his light brown eyes were unyielding as they focused on her. "I mean it, Shepard." He growled. "My boot his ass."

Shepard couldn't help it a faint grin split her face. "Well, Major, I'll be certain to save some of him for you."

He nodded and then reached up brushed a lock hair of her out of her eyes. She blinked not even realizing that some of her hair had come undone from her bun. "For a moment, I thought…" He shrugged and dropped his hand away though that burning fire never left his eyes. He looked pointedly away from her. Shepard blinked her brow creasing.

"You thought what?" She asked dragging his attention back to her.

"I thought I lost you, again." He huffed out a breath and leaned back again. His arms crossed his chest.

"Kaidan," She put her elbows on her knees, cupping her chin in her hands.

"I know, not the time. But, Shepard, seriously," He turned those piercing dark eyes on her again. Shepard could feel the heat rising throughout her body. She didn't need to be thinking about this right now, but she couldn't help her physical response to him. "Don't scare me like that again."

Her eyes narrowed at his statement. Was he being protective? She didn't need to be protected. He knew that, or was it concern? Was their relationship that distracting to him? "Is that an order, Major?" She inquired sitting back stiffly. She really didn't need this right now. She knew Kaidan meant well, but it was too much at the moment.

"No, it's a request." His hand cupped her chin turning her face toward him. "You did everything you could." He stated firmly looking her in the eyes.

She tried to keep the anger from boiling over. She knew he was trying to make her feel better and she wasn't mad at him, but she didn't want to hear it especially not from him. "Kaidan." She stated sharply. "I appreciate it, but now really isn't the time."

Kaidan studied her a moment longer before slowly nodding and releasing her chin. "If that's what you want."

"It is." He stayed seated beside her. Minutes faded into the swirling void. His presence more reassuring than his words ever could be. She was grateful to him for that. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. Kaidan had his arms crossed again and was watching straight ahead, in the direction of the cockpit. Shepard wondered at what he was thinking. Did he think less of her? No, that was stupid, Kaidan trusted her. He had made that clear on several occasions. His suspicions about her and Cerberus were in the past. But, still, she had never lost before. It hurt. How was she to tell the Asari Councilor that Thessia was gone? Lost to the Reapers all because she had been too self-assured? How was she, the supposed "savior" of the galaxy, supposed to save everyone when she couldn't even save one planet?

Leaning forward she rested her elbows on her knees and bowed her head. She stared at her boots. A soft warm touch on the back of her neck brought a slight smile to her lips. She closed her eyes and tried to will herself to relax. Her body fought her on it. Her mind wouldn't blank, instead thoughts, images, sounds and horrid nightmares replayed through her brain. Burning and imprinting the remnants of thoughts best forgotten in her mind forever.

Kaidan's fingers continued their gentle journey over the soft skin of her neck. Careful to dance around her amplifier. She could feel tears brimming in her eyes. She wanted to quit. At least a small part of her did. The other major part of her was pissed. The tears would not fall, not until much later when she was alone. Then she would vent her anger, frustration and irritation. At the moment, she would dry her eyes and play the role assigned to her. She would be the hard ass "savior" of the galaxy. She would be Commander Shepard.


	5. The Commander and the Major

_Once again I would like to thank everyone for the alerts and favorites! I'm glad everyone is enjoying the story so far...mostly just random dabbles. When ever a thought hits me I try and write it down. I think after I have everything written out I mig__ht put them in order and see what happens. Anyway, Happy reading and thanks again._

_Sincerely,_

Prism Elf

"**The Commander and the ****Major"**

"Major, how'd it go in there?" Admiral Anderson's voice punctured his ears. Kaidan shook his head in disbelief. He still couldn't believe that the Defense Council was sitting on their hands about the Reapers. He might not fully trust Shepard's connections, but she hadn't been lying about the Reapers. They were real and they were coming. If they didn't believe Shepard at the very least he hoped they believed him.

"I'm not certain. I think it went well, but," Movement from the corner of his eye stopped him. He knew that walk, that voice and even those piercing green eyes. He had only caught a flicker of the green, but there was no mistaking who it was: "Shepard?"

She turned and he was rewarded with a slight widening of those green eyes. "Kaidan?"

"Can you tell us what to expect in there, Major?" Anderson asked drawing his attention back to the Admiral. He hadn't meant to be distracted, but Shepard…here? Had they ungrounded her? Or was the Defense Council finally going to ask her advice, about the Reapers?

"I would say that I softened them up a bit for you, but really I'm not sure."

"Major?" Shepard stepped forward away from the large marine she had been speaking with. A pang of jealousy flared for a moment as Kaidan noted they had been speaking on friendly terms.

"Yeah, Kaidan's been promoted to Major now." Anderson replied for him.

"Even gave me, my own command too." He stated smoothly.

A small twitch at the corner of her mouth had his twitching in response. "Good, I'm glad. Can't think of anyone more deserving."

His heart leapt at the praise. It shouldn't have. But it did. Shepard.

"Admiral, they're ready for you." A female voice chimed over his shoulder. Anderson nodded toward Kaidan.

"Right, good to see you again, Major. Shepard, Come on." Anderson started away not bothering to glance back. He knew Shepard would follow him. She started away, hesitating briefly to throw him a little knowing smile. Then she turned and followed after Anderson. Kaidan watched her leave. She looked good, fit, trim and well…beautiful. At the back of his mind he knew it wasn't right. He shouldn't be interested in her still…not after…everything, but he was drawn to her. From the moment he had met her on the original Normandy to this brief interlude, he was compelled to grab her up in his arms and whisper in her ear everything would be alright.

He sighed and visibly shook himself. He couldn't think that way, not anymore…Shepard wasn't the same person she had been then. Now, everything was different. He couldn't ignore the past…not the two years… the two years he had spent thinking she was dead…but in the same breath he couldn't ignore the months on board the SSV Normandy. He had loved her. Plain and simple. Did he love her still? He wasn't certain.

"You know the Commander?" A deep voice with lilt of a Spanish accent asked at his shoulder. Kaidan suppressed the urge to let his biotics flare at the question, more from the fact that the man had startled him, than from the actual question. He threw a glance over his shoulder. The guy was built and a good six inches taller than him. But younger, definitely younger with lots of tattoos. _He's the guy Shepard was talking._ Kaidan realized after taking in his appearance. Kaidan didn't think he was Shepard's type. Though Kaidan hadn't been certain _he_ was Shepard type.

"I used to." He replied softly. It was the truth. He wasn't sure if he really knew the person who used to wear the rank or not. Hell, he wasn't even sure he could trust himself at this point. He wanted to believe…he really did. But a large part of him still saw her as Cerberus. A terrorist. After all, she had blown up a Mass Relay destroying a colony of three hundred thousand batarians! He sometimes wondered how she had gotten out that one alive. Anderson or Hackett had pulled some major favors in on that debacle.

"Well, at least you're on friendly terms. Not too many people look very kindly on the Commander. Huh, most just call her loco, well, not to her face." Kaidan eyed the man up again. Something in the tone of his voice gave Kaidan pause. Was he defensive about Shepard?

"Don't worry, I'll be sure to call her crazy to her face. " Kaidan replied pivoting to walk around the big man.

"Ha, not too many would have your balls, Major. Tells me you're pretty comfortable around the Commander."

"I knew her, let's just leave it at that, Mr…"

"Vega. Lieutenant James Vega, sir."

Kaidan paused and threw another look over his shoulder. He had heard that name before…Anderson, he connected. Anderson had talked about recruiting Lieutenant Vega. That was back when Anderson had first asked him back aboard the Normandy. Kaidan had refused. It was after Shepard had been grounded, stripped of rank and the Normandy had started being retrofitted. After he had declined Anderson had asked him to start teaching biotic recruits.

Kaidan nodded. "Nice to meet you, Lieutenant." He continued pass him raising a hand over his shoulder in farewell. He wasn't certain if he liked the guy or not. But Vega seemed to like Shepard. And he could have sworn he picked up a little hero-worship from him. At the moment Shepard could use all the friends/help she could get.

"Same to you, Major." Vega stated evenly saluting him. Even though Kaidan's back was turned, Vega couldn't help but show the man a little respect. He knew the Commander. He had spoken about her with a lingering bit of regret in voice and eyes. Shepard didn't talk about personal affairs, but he saw the way she sometimes zoned when looking out the window. It was look at said she had regrets too. One if he had to surmise was the Major. He didn't even want to guess at their history. But something in the way both had acted. Their body language was sending off signals like mad stupid loco birds. He didn't even think the Commander and the Major noticed it. But he certainly did. He had come to know that Shepard was more than just a name, but a human being. A freakin' hero, but still a human.

He watched the Major walk away. Major Kaidan Alenko. Vega knew his name, knew a little about him. Mostly, it was stuff he had picked up from the vids. Human biotic, served with Shepard on the SSV Normandy that was about it. His files were pretty well classified. Major Alenko walked through a patch of sunlight that was scattered throughout the walkway. The lighting for most of the building came through huge windows that made over half the hallway. One wall was completely glass in this section of the building.

The brightly sunlit hallway darkened as if the sun had hidden behind a cloud. Except, it was already cloudy out today. They had been calling for rain that afternoon.

Brow furrowing, Vega turned to look outside. The sky had grown darker with clouds. Big dark gray clouds. At first the thought occurred to him that it was going to raining, but then, red lightening flashed from the bottom of the clouds and a dark red almost black…_leg?_ Appeared out of the cloudbank.

_Oh Shit! What the hell is that thing?_ His mind flashed just before a brilliant red light shot from the thing's glowing red center and straight at the back part of the building in which Shepard and Anderson were having their meeting with the Defense Council.

The light cut through the building like butter. A deep rumbling cascaded across the floor and up Vega's legs, and then the whole world exploded in a blinding flash.


	6. Sanity Check

_Thank you all for the favorites , alerts and reviews! I'm glad so many people are enjoying the story. I'm having a lot fun writing this fic. This character has fluff, but hey I think Kaidan and Shepard need some down time too. : )  
_

_Sincerely,  
Prism Elf  
_

**"Sanity Check"**

It was time for their weekly "sanity check". Shepard was looking forward to it. She needed it. Kaidan hadn't been kidding when he had told her he wanted to take it slow. In a way she was thankful. Their relationship was developing beyond…whatever it had been. Since they had caught dinner together on the Citadel, two weeks ago, Kaidan had made a point that at least once a week they got together, whether it was drinks in the lounge, dinner on the observation deck or tonight's choice a vid in her quarters. Whenever they got together they talked about everything, but the war. It was an unspoken truce between them.

In a way it was nice, something to look forward to, a little sanity check to get her through the rest of the week. They both needed this. Unfortunately she was running late. She was passing through the CIC on her way to the elevator, when Traynor stopped her.

"Commander, can I have a moment to speak with you?" Shepard liked Traynor, she was dedicated and faithful to the cause, but right now Shepard just wanted to sit back and relax, enjoy a drink and movie with Kaidan. She didn't want to think about how many times she had been shot at today. Cerberus was getting aggravating. She was happy to have helped Jacob and the ex-Cerberus scientists. Dr. Cole seemed nice and Shepard was genuinely happy for Jacob. They hadn't been great friends, but she was glad to have repaid what debt she had seemed to incur to him. And she was glad to get Dr. Cole's help with the Crucible Project.

"Go ahead, Traynor, but just make it quick."

"Yes, Commander," She nodded. "I just wanted to let you know that I finished my report and diagnostic run of newer communication system…" Shepard waved her hand stopping the woman.

"Traynor, did you write everything in the report?"

Traynor nodded, "Yes, Commander,"

"Then I'll just read the report."

"Hmm…well, ma'am I'm afraid I might have gone a bit too technical in the report, so I was going to clear up a few…huh, uncertainties and…"

"Don't worry, Traynor, I'm certain I can find someone on this ship to help me decipher your report, if I need it." Shepard smiled letting Traynor know she wasn't upset about it. In truth she had the perfect person to explain everything to her. "Is there anything else?"

"No, ma'am, unless your free for a bit of chess later tonight?" Traynor asked hopefulness blossoming in her voice. Shepard shook her head.

"Sorry, Specialist, but I'm booked for tonight, but maybe some other time."

Disappointment registered in her eyes. "Not a problem, Commander, we'll take a rain check."

Shepard smiled at her. "Definitely, I have a reputation to maintain after all." With that she gave Traynor a little wave and turned toward the elevator and her much needed sanity check.

As Shepard exited the elevator on her private floor, she saw Kaidan was waiting for her. He leaned against the wall in the little entrance way. His dark eyes sparkled in the dim lighting.

"Sorry, the meeting ran later than expected." Shepard said walking pass him. The doors to her private quarters opened automatically at her approach.

"It was no problem. I had to finish a report. Huh, thought I was running late." Kaidan followed her into the room. He stopped gazing around the room. He whistled. "Wow, this is pretty nice, Shepard."

Shepard rolled her shoulders and unbuttoning her blue officer's jacket. "It's private and quiet." She kept her voice neutral. It wasn't that she didn't like her room, but it was different. It remaindered her of the rooms she had stayed in when on tours with her mother. In a way she had enjoyed the small room back on Earth she had been confided in. It was the first time she had spent an extended amount of time there. _And now it's all gone._

"Hey," His eyes roamed over her. She removed her jacket and unceremoniously draped it across the back of her desk chair. "Why don't you give me the tour?" he asked smiling at her with that infectious grin.

"Alright," She motioned behind her, "Bathroom," She crossed over to it. The door slid noiselessly open for her. "With an actual shower." She pointed out.

"Very nice, Anderson of course left that in the designs. Hell, I would to."

Shepard chuckled. "Yeah, it's a nice little perk." She stepped back letting the door close.

"Hmm…might have to borrow it sometime, of course with the Commander's permission, first." His voice dipped huskily and Shepard felt warmth flushing her cheeks.

"Well, I'm certain I can arrange that, Major. In fact, you can borrow it right now." She lowered her voice too and caught his eye. He was just as much fun to tease as James, though James was harmless fun. Nothing would come of it whereas with Kaidan…she silently hoped he would take up the offer.

Kaidan leveled a steady gaze her way, as if actually contemplating the idea. Shepard's heart sped up. She kept her eyes focused on him. A smooth chuckle rumbled out of his chest. "Tempting, so very tempting, maybe after the vid." He smiled again and Shepard smiled back nodding.

"Alright, rain check it is." She crossed her arms trying not to show her disappointment. A girl could hope, but something told her Kaidan wouldn't be using her shower tonight. He had been very adamant about taking things slow. At first, it frustrated her. If they only had so much time to live, why wait, but then the more she thought about it the more it made sense to her. She thought back to their dinner. He had said that he didn't have enough memories of their time together. And sadly it was true. They had given themselves the night before Ilos, because they hadn't thought there would be time later. There had been a high chance of either one of them dying. Honestly, it was refreshing to have these little moments of flirtation and sanity. Almost like everything was normal in the galaxy. She could pretend in those few minutes that she hadn't been shot at a couple hours before. That her muscles weren't starting to shake from fatigue, stress and fading adrenaline.

"Who's the little guy?" Kaidan asked breaking the silence that had built up between them.

"Oh, that's Boo." She turned and tapped the glass. The fuzzy orange brown ball stood up on his back legs looking for a hand out. Shepard smiled at him. "Hello, Boo." Twitching his nose at her once, he slid his paws down the glass and scurried back into his porcelain house.

"Cute," Kaidan said from beside her. She turned toward him. The corner of her mouth twitched like Boo's nose. He was watching her intently, his dark eyes flashed.

"Me or the hamster?" She inquired; she had never considered herself cute. Even as a little kid she was the 'pretty' one or the 'skinny' one. Not the cute one.

"Both." He replied turning away. "So model ships?" His eyes fell on the empty spot between the Destiny Ascension and SSV Normandy. "You seem to be missing one."

Shepard felt her cheeks grow hot. "Yeah, it's a hobby I picked up while with Cerberus. It helped with…keeping my mind occupied."

"Keeping your mind occupied? Huh, I guess I could see that." He paused and then stepped closer to the vacant spot. "Which one are you missing?"

"Sovereign." She stated quickly as she headed for the stairs leading down to her bed and couch. "I have a vid screen over on the wall here." She gestured to the spot over her dresser.

Kaidan followed her. If he noticed the deliberate topic change he didn't say anything. For that she was thankful. She didn't want to think about anything related to the war tonight. She just wanted to sit and watch a vid with the man she cared for. Simple enough.

"I'll start the vid if you want to set out dinner." He said starting toward the vid screen.

" Dinner?" She hadn't plan on dinner.

"Yes, here." It was then Shepard realized he was holding a bag. She took it for him and peered into. In it were white boxes.

"I had James cook some of those ranchero things he was going on about."

The smell of peppers and cheese made her stomach grumble and her mouth water. She hadn't eaten anything since this morning. "Smells good." She said placing the bag on the small table. She sat down grabbing the first box out. She opened the lid and the divine smell hit her again. Setting the box down she dug through the bag pulling out the second box and some forks. "Let's hope, James can cook as well as he can shoot."

Kaidan laughed and sat down taking the second box. "That would be quite a feat. But somehow I wouldn't put it pass him."

Shepard nodded as she took a bite of food. The flavors were good. A little too much spice, but it was good none the less. She had never eaten a ranchero before. It was zesty and spicy, but not too much of either. Kaidan started the vid. A classic adventure vid about an archeologist looking for lost treasure. Shepard couldn't remember the title, but she remembering seeing pieces of it as a kid. It was good vid, if a little out dated.

When they finished eating, she slid over to sit next to Kaidan and he put his arm around her. The vid was engrossing enough that she did get caught up in it a few times. Every once in a while Kaidan would shift or she would which would break her out of the illusion. Causing her mind to start filing through things that needed to be done while she was sitting down and enjoying herself.

At some point when she had zoned into thinking about how best to go about transporting krogans from Pavalen to Earth, Kaidan started rubbing his hand up and down her arm. It was a light touch, but gentle as if he made the motion subconsciously. Looking up she saw he was intently watching the vid. She smiled and leaned into him resting her head on his shoulder.

He was warm and his heart sounded strong and reliable. And that he was. If she ever needed an honest to goodness opinion, Kaidan was her man. He wouldn't sugar coat it. Even though he knew she might not like the answer, he would still give the straight up truth. She liked that. She needed that aspect in her life. She closed her eyes. This was her sanity check. She liked the title. Their stolen hours away from the chaotic state of the galaxy.

She opened her eyes and glanced upward again. Kaidan was staring at her. His eyes reflected hers, brown and green melding together. Her breath caught. His eyes were so mesmerizing. She could lose herself in his eyes. Shifting, she brought a hand up to his face and caressed his cheek.

Kaidan closed his eyes turning to press his lips against her palm. She shivered at the touch of his lips. Her hand slipped down his face, her fingers ghosting over his skin and rough stubble on his chin. He exhaled and tilted his face back toward her.

"Shepard," He intoned as she let her hand flit down his neck. She could feel his heart pounding under her fingertips. Her hand came to rest on his chest. He reached up a hand and covered hers with his pressing it lightly over his heart.

She couldn't help the smile that drew across her lips. "Kaidan," she said calmly back just before planting her lips on his. Before she could even register what she was doing, he was kissing her back. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment. He was a good kisser, soft and sweet, with just enough bite and roughness to his kiss that related his passion and desire. It was a safe kiss, nothing like what they had shared the night before Ilos. It was something more than friends, but not quite lovers. It wasn't desperate. Shepard thoroughly enjoyed it. It felt amazing, it felt right. And there was no place in the galaxy where she would rather have been, right then. For the first time since she had awoken on that Cerberus lab table, she felt normal. Just plain, simple, normal.


	7. Breakdown

_This is an extended drabble from over at the me_challenge on Livejournal. It's short, but endearing. I just couldn't picture Shepard not breaking down especially after Thessia, it's not just the lost of Thessia, but everything that's been placed upon her shoulders. Thank you once again for the favorites, reviews, and alerts. I will probably be posting again later today. It depends if I get the next chapter edited._

_Sincerely,  
Prism Elf  
_

"**Breakdown"**

Shepard stared at the console's blinking light. She didn't want to talk to anyone. She didn't want to move. She sat at her desk elbows perched on her knees. The light blinked again. She sighed. Reaching out she pressed the button.

"Yes?" She asked.

"Commander, I have the Asari Councilor on the line." Traynor's voice caused her to cringe.

"I'll be down in a moment, Specialist!" Shepard snapped.

"Aye…Commander." Traynor sounded hurt. Shepard sighed. It wasn't Traynor's fault, but right now, she had no idea what she was going to say to the asari Councilor. No words formed in her mind. She was lost. She had never been at a loss for words. She had delivered the news of death before to family members. But those were not lost home-worlds, not millions of deaths at once. One person's family was easy to deal with, but this…this…

A scream of frustration burst from her. She shot up from her chair and swept an arm out tearing everything from her desk; computer, lamp, books, vid screen, picture of her mother, Kaidan, her medals and her old dog tags. Everything crashed to the floor in a heap including her. Heavy tears of guilt and shame rolled down her freckled cheeks. A deep sob wracked her body. She couldn't take it anymore. Too many people were dying! Too much was riding on her! She was just one pitiful useless human! What was everyone expecting her to do!

"What do you want from me?" She shouted at the air. "I can't do this! I just can't." Defeat registered in her voice and her shoulders hunched over, as another sob ripped through her frame. Her breath was ragged and tears continued to slide down her face in unrelenting pools.

"You **can** do this." Strong arms wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her back against a warm body. "You know you can." The arms tightened holding her closer. "I believe in you, Shepard." Kaidan said as he softly kissed her ear. "I'll never stop."

"Kaidan, I…" She hadn't heard him come in. She didn't want him to see her like this. This wasn't Commander Shepard. This wasn't how…"What are you doing here?" She asked defensively as she tried to pull away from him. He tightened his grip and his voice remained at her ear.

"Joker. But that's not important." She tried to pull away again. "Stop it. I don't need you to be strong all the time, but unfortunately the rest of the galaxy does. That's why I'm here, Shepard. I want you to know…I'm okay with seeing this. I want to see this. I want to know this side of you." He kissed her neck. "I'm here for you." He breathed. "Breakdown, get upset, just let it all out. I'll still be here in the end."

Shepard twisted in his arms catching his eyes. Sincerity was written all over him. Shocked she realized that if anyone understood how she was possibly feeling it could be him. Tears still spilling down her cheeks she threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. Kaidan clasped her tightly to his chest. Sobs shook her lithe body. Her fists balled into the front of his shirt. He clutched her to him like a drown man holding onto a life line.

Several minutes passed as he held her like that until the sobs stopped and she thought she might be able to stand again. She might not have been ready to face the asari Councilor just yet, but she would be.

"Thank you." She whispered wiping at her face. Kaidan stood pulling her up with him. He steadied her, his hand at her elbow.

"Do you want me there when you talk to the Councilor?" He asked gently, pushing a strand of hair for her eyes.

Shepard shook her head. "No, but thank you. I'll be okay."

"I'll be here, waiting." He promised leaning forward to plant a quick kiss on her lips.


	8. Beacon of Hope

****_Hello, everyone thanks again for the reviews, favorites and alerts! Here's the deal this would have been up soon but ran a 16 mile race today...well, hope you guys enjoy! Thanks for reading...time for some Shenko. : )_

_Sincerely,  
Prism Elf  
_

**"Beacon of Hope"**

"Keela, she did it. Shepard actually took down a Reaper." Tali's voice echoed across the war room. The awe in her voice was undeniable. All the crew assembled watched the conference room doors. Shepard had just paged Admiral Hackett and Admiral Anderson to give them an update on Rannoch. Tali shook her head. "I still can't believe it."

"Well, not only did she kill a Reaper, she brokered a peace between the geth and your people, Tali. I would say that Shepard's…what's the human saying…on a roll." Garrus' mandibles flared briefly. Though is voice was rough, he too sounded a little enraptured with the Commander.

"This is a huge victory. Now, the quarians and the geth can help fight the Reapers. The combined strength of those two armies will be unimaginable." Kaidan stated from where he stood next to Tali. He had been on the ground team to help take the Reaper base. He had sat spellbound in the tank as Shepard faced down the Reaper.

What could he had said to stop her? Nothing. Shepard was a fighter. She wouldn't have listened to any of his protest. She had to do this. And the rational fact was the less people on the ground during that fight the better. He might not have agreed that it _had _to be her fighting, but then…he sighed and leaned against the war room map console. Placing his hands on the railing to balance himself. No, he knew it had to be her. She was the only one with enough strength, cunning and fierceness to pull it off. He worried about her though. There was only so much responsibility a person could take before it devoured them. Shepard was handling it well so far, but…

"What was it like, Kaidan, seeing Shepard in action down there? Must have been something else." Garrus asked his eyes focusing on the map sectors spread out before them.

Kaidan bowed his head lost in the moment. "It was…spectacular and frightening at the same time."

"I thought as much, too bad the guns needed to be recalibrated throughout the fight. I would have loved to seen her up against that Reaper." Garrus intoned selecting a section of the map to zoom in on. Kaidan turned his face away.

"Yeah, she was pretty great." He replied solemnly.

"Kaidan, what's wrong?" Tali inquired placing a hand on his shoulder. "I would have thought you would be thrilled."

He let out a breath inclining his head to look at her glowing eyes behind her breather mask. "It's nothing. Just the adrenaline fading and hunger. Burned up a bit more than I planned on." It wasn't completely what was bothering him. The physical aspects of the day were starting to take their toll, but he could deal with those…he sighed and pushed himself back from the console.

Tali watched him with those strange glowing eyes. "If you say so, Kaidan." She stated her attention returning to Garrus. The turian had pulled up a map of Pavalen and her outlying moons. Glancing at Garrus, Kaidan could have sworn that hope flickered in the depths of the turian's eyes as he stared at his burning home-world.

Kaidan was still processing the idea that Shepard had eliminated a Reaper. His mind had initially refused to compute the fact. He had been stuck in numbed shock. He had watched the whole thing. Still it had seemed more like he was watching a vid, than seeing her standing on that cliff facing going toe to toe with a Reaper. The more he thought about it the more it bothered him. It was a huge morale booster for the troops of every species. Everyone fighting this war now knew one thing: the Reapers weren't indestructible. And that was all thanks to Shepard.

Yet, at what the cost? Shepard had done a wondrous thing. He just hoped she wouldn't get too…cocky? No, not quite the right word. Shepard wasn't cocky…she had faith in her abilities, not cockiness. Maybe, he had been spending too much time with his students. _They_ would've gotten cocky.

The doors to the comm. room opened and a tired, but triumphant Commander Shepard stepped out. There were dark circles under her eyes and her pale skin was even paler. Her dark hair usually perfectly pulled back into a bun at the nape of her neck was slipping and wisps of stray hair framed her face. As soon as Shepard appeared the room exploded. The soldiers led by Tali and Garrus whooped, cheered and applauded their Commander.

Shepard looked around stunned. She blinked at the noise and confusion crossed her face for a moment. Then she smiled. A genuine smile of appreciation. The grin transformed her into something more. Kaidan saw it in that moment: she was a beacon of hope. The crowd cheered louder. As Shepard walked down the steps, they rushed forward to congratulate her and shake her hand. Peace with the geth and quarians, not to mention taking out a Reaper in the process. Yes, the soldiers of this war had needed this.

Kaidan crossed his arms, waiting. When she looked around the crowd of people, her eyes landed on him across the room. He smiled at her and jerked his head toward the exit. Lowering his arms he turned and left the room, heading through the guard station with a nod to the privates on duty there and out to the elevator.

He knew what was bothering him about this whole idea now. It had hit him the moment Shepard had stepped out onto the war room floor. In that moment it had felt like their time together was drawing to a close. His hand shook as he hit the button to call for the elevator. He stood for a moment pondering why it had hit him so hard. He was proud of Shepard. He loved her. That much he knew, even if Shepard didn't admit it yet herself, he knew she loved him. But it felt like he was losing her.

The door to the elevator opened and he stepped inside. "I can't lose her again." He whispered as the doors shut. The thought of her facing down that Reaper…the thought of losing her again had crossed his mind. Up until that point he hadn't really considered it. He hadn't allowed himself to consider the possibility. Shepard had survived once before, but this was different. He shoved his hands in his pockets after clicking the button to his destination. He waited for the doors to open. He didn't want to mess this up again. He wanted for them to be together. No one could replace Shepard, never.

He had tried to move pass her when he thought she had been dead. Yet, every time he thought about taking someone out or the one time he had he had spent the entire night comparing the woman to Shepard. It wasn't fair to her. So he had thrown himself into his work. The Alliance became his life.

The doors opened and he stepped out onto the landing leading to Shepard's private quarters. They had taken things slow, because he wanted more time, more memories with her. But, tonight, tonight he would make more memories. He wouldn't waste any more time. He wanted to be with her again. To kiss her, touch her, and love her. He wanted to show her that he had no regrets. He wanted her to have no regrets about their lives. If lost her tomorrow, he would not lose himself again. He would be satisfied with the time they had together. It would hurt, and he would feel her absence, but he would live and fight another day. That's what Shepard would have wanted from him. And that's what he wanted to show her tonight.

He stood in the landing for a while, waiting patiently, and then the doors slid open behind him. He turned seeing her standing just outside the elevator doors.

"Kaidan? Did you need to speak with me?" She asked her voice tentative and the dark circles under her eyes were made darker by the lack of light.

"Yes and no." He replied huskily. Before she could reply he quickly stepped forward wrapping his arms around her, he kissed her passionately. His hands roamed over her back as he tried to clutch her tighter to him. Her form was supple and soft against his and he felt his pulse pounding throughout his body and hers. He deepened his kiss, and she kissed him back. A little moan of pleasure escaped his chest as he stepped back toward her room door. He pulled her along with him. Even as his hand hit the panel to open the door, he never stopped kissing her.


	9. Maybe, Maybe Not

_Thank you once again for all the reviews, alerts and favorites! I'm glad people are enjoying the story. So, this chapter does follow the chapter before it. Enjoy and happy reading! I might write an in between chapter for the smut and fluff I allude to, but we'll see. _

_Prism Elf  
_

"**Maybe, Maybe Not"**

Kaidan watched her sleeping. She was curled on her right side an arm tucked under her head. Her long dark mahogany hair tickled his chest and wrapped around her shoulders. Her warm back was pressed into his stomach. Lying with her like this was a dream come true. How many times in the past few years had he hoped for this? Too many to count. This was their second chance. He would always be thankful for this time he had with her. Suddenly she shifted and a moan escaped her. Leaning over he saw that her eyes were squeezed tightly shut and her jaw was clenched so tight he could hear her teeth grating together. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest.

"Shepard," he whispered in her ear.

Another moan. "Shepard," he said again pulling her tighter against him. He kissed her neck. His lips brushed lightly across her skin. "I'm here. It's only a dream."

Her eyes popped open and she started, sucking in a deep breath. "Kaidan?"

"Shhh…it's alright. I've got you." She relaxed against him, and within a few moments her heart settled down too. "You okay?" He asked concern crossing his features. Shepard nodded tensely. He could tell she was not fine, but he wouldn't push the matter. She would tell him when she was ready.

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to wake you." She stated pushing up onto an elbow. "What time is it?" she asked craning her neck to peer at the alarm clock. The hands fixed on five and twelve with the second hand ticking away at their time together. "Crap, I've got to get up."

Kaidan sighed and released his hold on her. She slipped from bed tossing the covers to the side. He watched her make her way across the room her form a silhouette in the ambient glow of the fish tank's white light. Sitting up he continued to stare at her with an unwavering gaze. Never before had he watched her get dress.

Shepard must have felt is gaze lingering on her. She had pulled a hairbrush from one of the top drawers and was gliding it through her hair when she turned slightly catching his eyes. Her bright green met light brown. His breath slipped away. A knowing smile ghosted across her full lips. "Like what you see, Major?" She asked placing the brush down and pulling out a hair tie and pins.

"I would be lying if I said I didn't."

A twirl of laughter escaped her. Kaidan felt pride swelling in his chest. He had made her laugh and smile. He hadn't seen her do either of those in a while.

"You don't have to leave just, yet," He said slipping from the bed and walking over to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist. Her bare skin was warmer than he expected. He kissed her neck. Her hands were in her hair trying to tie it up out of her face.

She sighed and leaned back against him. "As tempting as the offer is, I'm due in the War Room in half an hour for a debriefing. But we will definitely have to do this again some time." She paused finishing up her hair. It was pulled back into a ponytail. She twisted the tail and started pushing hair pins into. When she finished she turned, looping her arms around his neck and kissed him gently on the lips. "I missed you." She whispered, her breath tickling his lips.

"I think that's mine line." He replied running his hands up the smooth skin of her back. He shook his head, leaning in to steal another quick kiss. She smiled at him and let her arms fall.

"Yeah, I do have to go."

Kaidan chuckled and released her. "Alright, Shepard, we'll pick this up later."

She nodded and turned opening drawers to grab out fresh clothes. Kaidan moved around the room picking up discarded clothing, his and hers.

"You don't have to do that." Shepard said as she started up the steps into the small bathroom. "I can get my clothes later."

"Yeah, because Commander Shepard has time while saving the galaxy to tidy up her room." He looked around, everything was neat and tidy... He could tell that Shepard attempted to make it homier with the model ships, pet fish and pet hamster what had she called him…Boo, but it still felt cold.

"No I don't." Her voice echoed down to him from the bathroom.

Kaidan folded her discarded clothing and placed it neatly on the bed. Then he began climbing into his own clothes. He had just pulled on his pants when Shepard came back down the stairs. She eyed him up before sitting on the edge of the bed.

Kaidan's blood rushed through him at the look she given him. Like he was a piece of chocolate and she wanted to eat him up. He yanked his shirt over his head, before he got any more crazy ideas.

"Did I tell you, last night was perfect?" Shepard commented as she shoved her feet into her boots. He noticed instead of the traditional fatigues she wore, an N7 hoodie with black shirt and simple comfortable looking pants. She tucked her pants into her boots.

Kaidan smiled and sat on the bed next to her dragging one of his boots out from under the bed. "Possibly." He replied, though his voice held more than a note of confidence to it. He _knew_ she had enjoyed it.

Shepard laughed again. "Humble much, Major?"

"No, just a fact." He tugged on his boot and glanced around for the other one. He located it under the coffee table. Sighing, he stood up and retrieved it. Sitting back down he noticed Shepard was watching him again, her eyes dancing.

"What?" He inquired.

"Nothing, just enjoying the view." She stated standing up she stretched her arms above her head popping her shoulders.

Kaidan felt his cheeks grow hot at the comment. He pretended to busy himself with tying up his boots. Shepard was a hard person to make blush, and she just shrugged off comments left and right, but she knew what to say and how to say in order to get Kaidan to blush…and honestly he had seen the game she played with James. It was like she had made it a personal joke trying to get the big guy to turn red with embarrassment. And she _had_ on several occasions reduced James to a stuttering and mumbling idiot. Shepard had the same effect on him too. For all his teasing and flirting with her, she always got the upper hand.

Pivoting abruptly, Shepard knelt and grabbed his hands. "Are you blushing, Major?" She asked innocently. A knowing smile crept onto her face.

Kaidan focused on his boots. "Maybe," Not releasing her hands he stood up, pulling her with him. "Maybe not," He lowered his face a couple inches from hers. "You might have to start trying harder to get me to blush, Commander." He let go of one of her hands and brought it up to gently cup her chin. She licked her lips and a wick gleam entered her eyes.

Kaidan's breath caught in his throat. She was aching beautiful in that moment. His mind snapped a quick picture of her like this. His thumb brushed her moistened lips. She shivered at his touch. Leaning forward he lightly pressed his lips to hers. Her lips were warm and soft, and she tasted of spearmint. She returned the kiss. He tried to place everything he was feeling in that moment into his kiss. His love, lust, loyalty, pride, honor and finally his hope for them being together. He had taken things slow at first. And he explained to her last night while they laid each other's arms for the first time in also three years why he had suddenly wanted to go to the next level. He didn't want to rush things, but after everything that had been happening lately…it had felt right, so right.

He broke the kiss as he did he traced his thumb over her lips again. "I love you." He whispered matter-of-factly.

Shepard's breath caught. He had alluded to loving her before, but always in the past tense. This time though he had said it in the present tense. He waited a second before continuing. He wasn't hurt that she couldn't say it, yet. He would work on that. "It's alright, Shepard. I don't expect an answer. Just know that I do."

She swallowed. "I have to go." She said quickly. He smiled at her shyness for all the times words never seemed to fail her. Then he saw the red stain creep into her cheeks.

"Shepard, are you blushing?" He asked sweetly. Shepard met his eyes boldly, and there was definitely a rosier coloration to her countenance than there had been.

"Maybe, maybe not."


	10. Dream

_Thanks once again for all the reviews, favorites and alerts! I'm really glad everyone is enjoying this collection...I do try to update everyday, but life does what it does. : ) Anyway, taking a step back toward the beginning of the game, because I was curious, and this is what came of that curiousness. Enjoy and Happy Reading!  
_

_Sincerely,  
Prism Elf  
_

**"Dream"**

Kaidan knew he was dreaming. He knew it, but at the moment the dream was better than the reality. He stood on the balcony of he's parent's house. The sun was setting with a mixture of reds, oranges, and yellows. The clouds darkened from stormy gray to dark purple with the thickening twilight. It was his favorite time of day. He had spent most of the day indoors, because of rain, but just toward the end of the day the sun had broken out of its confinement behind the clouds and busted forth in a triumphant blaze of glory. It was a breathtaking finale to the otherwise lazy and lackluster day. The air fragrant with earthy smells of wet soil and heady with blossoming flowers. Roses, his mother's garden was in full bloom and beautiful as usual.

In his hands he held a cold bottle of lager. Taking a sip he scanned the horizon. The setting sun, the dark blue waves crashing against the rocks along the rocky coast shore that bordered his parents' property. This was perfection. The beer, cold and thick, and the scenery, beautiful. Only one thing was missing. He was alone. His parents were absent. The waves echoed around him, but no one spoke or laughed, not even the neighbors.

He knew why, the Reapers. Then why was he here? Had he died? Was this some form of heaven? He knew he was dreaming…the war was still being fought. He knew it, but then why couldn't he wake up?

He watched as the sky grew darker and the wind picked up, rustling his dark hair. The beer in his hand grew warm. Red lightening streaked across the sky. The ground started to shake. He dropped the beer watching as the glass shattered on the flagstone below, leaving a stain of white foam and amber liquid.

Gigantic black clawed metal arms broke through the fiery sunset. Like a hand opening up to scoop up a handful of dirt, the Reaper landed. The balcony shook with the force of the ship's touch to Earth. Kaidan's eyes widened. The Reapers were here! His heart beat frantically in his chest. His hands gripped the balcony railing as he leaned out and watched more of the huge ships landing. So many, hundreds of them landed up and down the coast. Red flashes of light shot out crashing into buildings, thunder rumbled as buildings collapsed. Concrete and glass shattered. The world tilted. Glancing behind him he saw the Reaper over his left shoulder. Moving up the coast coming closer and closer. A beam of light shot from it hitting his parents' home, the floor under his feet lurched and fell. He was tossed unceremoniously to the ground. Still he clung to the railing with both his hands. Fear shook his frame and he tried to call on his biotics, but nothing came of it. Never before had he felt so helpless, so powerless. The balcony groaned and then snapped falling to the garden below.

* * *

Kaidan jolted awake. And immediately regretted it. Every bone in his body ached. His head felt as if it were on fire. He raised his hands covering his eyes. He pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes hoping to alleviate some of the pressure building up behind them. Nothing. The pain was intense. He groaned and rocked forward. The sudden movement was protested by his bruised muscles and broken ribs. Monitors beeped around him and he heard the whoosh of a door gliding open.

"Major Alenko!" A spasm rocketed through his body. He collapsed back on to his bed. Pain ricocheting throughout. Everything hurt, breathing was agony and came and short gasps and sputters. He felt like a building had fallen on him.

"Major Alenko," A slightly accented voice said. "Can you hear me?"

Kaidan pressed his hands harder into his eyes. "Kaidan, I need you to put your hands down." A stern female voice commanded. He knew that voice. It had been a while, but Dr. Chakawas? Kaidan complied with her demand, but refused to open his eyes.

"Open your eyes." Same voice demanded.

Peeking out through thin slits, his vision blurry from swelling and pain. "More."

He pushed his eyes open just a bit more, grinding his teeth together to keep from crying out.

"Good, Double the pain medication." A light flashed across his vision. He winced and closed his eyes again. "Shit." His mind was fuzzy. Or playing tricks on him. Because he could have sworn that was Dr. Chakawas holding the light into his eyes.

"Prep him. He's an L2. With this extensive swelling damage to the implant is highly likely especially with this kind of head trauma. We'll have to stabilize the implant before we can do anything at all."

Warmth flooded his body and suddenly he felt lighter than air. Blackness covered his mind and the world floated away. And again he was standing on his parents' balcony watching the sun set, with a cold beer in his hand.

* * *

Kaidan stared out the window of his hospital room. The view was spectacular. Nothing like that of the coast views he had been dreaming of lately, but still pretty amazing. He heard the door open and he turned his head wincing only slightly, to see who had entered. A slip of a woman with a shock of red hair.

"Dr. Michael." He greeted. The woman had been slightly obsessed with him lately. Something to do with his L2 implants.

"Morning, Major, did you sleep well?" She asked checking his vital monitors. She clicked on her omni-tool and started typing in data.

Kaidan would have shrugged, but then shrugging hurt. So he refrained from doing so. "Not bad. Bed's more comfortable than most."

She nodded distractedly. "Good." Kaidan was pretty certain that he could have said, he saw flying monkeys outside his window and she would have still nodded.

"When can I be released?"

"Hmm…oh, Major, that's very tentative on your condition. You still have swelling on your brain, which is causing problems with your implants. Also while your ribs are healing nicely, they won't heal for quite a while, yet." She sighed. "You need to work on relaxing. It will help in the long run with the recovering process."

But he couldn't fully relax, not while the galaxy was being overrun by Reapers. He needed to be out there fighting. It was chafing to be sitting by waiting while his friends and family were fighting and possibly dying. "Ballpark it for me."

"A few weeks, a week if you're lucky."

"A few weeks?" He paused contemplating. He hurt, yes, but his injuries didn't seem that bad. Unless…"I'm on painkillers." He mumbled. Dr. Michael must have heard him because she nodded.

"Some of the strongest we have at the moment. You were waking up screaming and clutching your head the first couple of nights here. Even after we fixed your implants and removed your amplifier." She finished typing and her omni-tool disappeared. "You have a visitor, by the way." The doctor turned to leave. "He's been patiently waiting for the last thirty minutes, but no one would let him in until a doctor cleared you. Also, the Normandy is in dock…since you wanted to you know when they came into dock next."

"Thanks. So, I'm allowed to have visitors, now?" Kaidan asked cautiously.

Dr. Michael paused at the doorway before opening it. "Yes, you are. Just be certain to not overtax yourself. I'll be back in a bit to check on you." She opened the door and walked out. Kaidan moved gingerly around on the bed trying to get more comfortable. He opened his omni-tool and typed a quick email and sent it.

A few minutes later the doors to his room opened again. And his heart leapt, she couldn't have received his email that quickly, but then again…he tried to hide the disappointment at seeing Councilor Udina stroll his hospital room instead of Commander Shepard.


	11. Loco Birds

_Hello, once again, sorry couldn't update yesterday...performance...anyway, thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites. I'm really glad people are still enjoying the story. This chapter was fun, because while it doesn't feature our favorite Major, it does Vega who ended up growing on me through the Mass Effect 3 experience. He grew on my Shepard as well. While Shepard and Garrus have that brother/sister vib for me, Vega had that trusted friend/brother in arms/student-teacher feel. If that makes sense. I liked him, and flirted with him, but was very glad that he wasn't a romance option because I would have had to turn him down. I loved his character though. Definitely one of my favorites. Anyway, just wanted a little interaction between Shepard and her 'student', James Vega. : ) Thanks for reading and enjoy!_

_Sincerely,  
Prism Elf  
_

"**Loco Birds"**

Shepard cracked her neck to the side eying up her much larger and stronger opponent. Vega stretched his right arm across his massive chest.

"You ready, Lola?" James asked her. She rolled her shoulders and raised her fists, placing them in front of her in a defensive position.

"I'm always ready, James." She purred and sidestepped as his fist shot out aiming for her face.

"Huh, almost had you there," he grunted as she stepped forward blocking another punch and swinging out with one of her own. Vega blocked the blow and stepped back. "So, last time we danced you drilled me about my past, guess what?"

"You really want to travel down this road." She gritted out stepping forward her fist leading the way. Vega blocked and danced to the side.

"Yep, seems only fair." She swung again and he blocked moving out of her reach.

Shepard didn't answer. Instead she fainted to the right and jabbed with the left. James groaned as she connected with his side. "Okay, fine, Lieutenant, but just remember you might like my responses." She smiled, a little too knowingly.

"Fine, by me, Lola." He recovered from the hit and put up his fists again. "So, what's with you and the Major?" A fist snaked out trying to catch her off guard. Shepard lips lost their smile. She sidestepped the blow.

"We're friends." She responded blocking one more of his fists with her forearm and then ducking as his other fist swooshed toward her face again.

James rolled his eyes. "_Friends_? Is that what they are calling it now? Huh, no wonder I can't get a date."

"I could think of a few other reasons for you not getting a date, Vega."

"Ouch, low blow, Lola." Shepard straightened up. Her eyes glittered darkly.

"What do you want me to say, Vega? That we're lovers? Friends with benefits? Married? Divorced? What?" Shepard commented.

"How about the truth?" Vega jumped to the side as she lashed out going in low toward his stomach.

"Truth?" She laughed and shook her head, little slivers of her dark hair coming undone from their bindings. "Truth is…I don't know what we are anymore." She exhaled, pivoting as he bought up his arm to elbow her. She spun away from his attack.

"But, you use to be more?" When Shepard didn't answer he halted his advance. "Lola?" James lowered his arms and watched his CO. She was pretty and attractive, but she was living breathing legend, a true honest to goodness hero…he was lucky enough to know her little alone tease her. The look that crossed her face though was…pensive. It bothered him. Commander Shepard was human. He knew that, but it was hard getting out a child's mindset about the savior of the galaxy.

"Commander?" James pressed her. She blinked and visibly shook herself.

"I'm fine." She stated. She wiped at her brow. But she didn't put her hands back up.

An awkward silence fell between them. Vega wasn't certain what to do. "I'm sorry, Lola." He shouldn't have brought it up. His curiosity had gotten the better of him. He wanted to know. The looks the two had been exchanging since the Major had come back on board the Normandy, the way she had reacted to him being hurt on Mars, and then there was the whole Citadel coup attempt. He had trusted her, and she him. At first Vega wasn't certain if Major Alenko would have lowered his weapon. But something in his eyes had flickered, something more than friends, or old comrades. He had trusted Shepard because they had been more…or were.

Shepard turned and walked toward his work bench. "Eh, Commander?"

She rolled her shoulders, leaning up against the bench she looked severely at him. "Look, James, it's nothing personal, but the Major and I…well…we've been friends for a while."

James approached her and leaned on the bench next to her. He crossed his arms, staring out across the hangar. "You don't have to explain, Lola." She sighed and he glanced at her from the corner of his eye. She bit her bottom lip. He felt like she wanted to talk about this. In fact he probably guaranteed she had never mentioned this is anyone else before. Mostly, he suspected Garrus knew, and Joker…Joker was something else altogether. If the pilot knew he kept it as quiet as Joker could, which meant he made small sidebar jokes and comments directed at both the Major and Commander.

She rubbed the back of her neck letting out a frustrated breath. "It's not that, James, it's just complicated. Back then we were under a lot of pressure and…"

"And you're not now?" He quipped.

"It's not the same. I was his CO at the time. What we had was …" she shook her head, "It's different now. We're both Spectres. He's not even officially under my command. He's here as a favor, nothing more." She said shrugging. "Sure, he gave up his command temporarily, and we may flirt, but…" He had never seen Shepard so…unsure. The way she chewed her lower lip, it was almost endearing, but in a kid sister or older sister kinda way.

"But, what, Lola, the guy's loco for you." James stated simply. "Any guy willing to walk away from his command and technically his duty, just to be a part of your crew has to have it bad for you or hell, at least be certifiably insane. It should easier this time. No Regs, right? "Shepard laughed at his remark. She turned to face him. Then playfully punched him in the shoulder. "Hey, now I charge for that."

"But the advice is free?" She inquired.

He shrugged. "If you want it." Shepard laughed again and shook her head.

"James, you're a good friend."

"Oh, so friend, or do you mean 'friend'?" Before she can retort the doors slide open. Both Shepard and Vega stood up and looked toward the entrance. Steven walked over to his work station.

Shepard relaxed, but she couldn't hide the disappointment, though Major Alenko very rarely found his way down here. She still wanted to see him. _What is it with these loco birds? Can't they see their perfect for each other?_

"Hey, you want my advice, Commander?"

She grinned slightly. "What is it Vega?"

"Go talk to the Major." Shepard groaned and thumped back again the work bench. "Come on, Lola, you aren't scared of anything, how can you be scared of this?"

"I'm not scared, James, it's just…" she bit her lip again and looked toward the doors.

"You want to see him and talk to him…go to it, Lola."

"But I…"

"No, buts, Commander, go speak to him. See how he's settling in. Trust me. He'll want to see you too." James spun around to look at the mess on the workbench. He had taken apart his assault rifle and his shotgun. The guns were in two separate piles waiting patiently to be cleaned and reassembled.

Shepard pushed away from the bench. "Alright, fine." She snapped clearly not liking the idea that he had dismissed her. He smiled, she was like that though…she would never truly allow him to dismiss her, but she got the hint: _what are you talking to me for when you should be speaking with him._

The doors to the hangar opened and closed with a barely audible swish. Vega's smile grew in size and he started humming as he reached for the disassembled shotgun.


	12. Life Support

_Thank you once again for all the reviews, alerts and favorites! On an author's note, I was asked to write the conversation that took place after the perivous chapter...to me that was when Shepard went in-game and learned about Kaidan's family and what not...then that gets Shepard thinks about Mordin and Thane...which leads to this chapter. I don't know. I think that in a way Kaidan believes exactly what I have him saying in this about Shepard's death. He wants too, but can't, it's not that he doesn't trust her...it's just too fantastical. Anyway, thanks again and Happy Reading!_

_Sincerely,_

_Prism Elf  
_

* * *

__**"Life Support"  
**

"It wasn't for him, Commander, the prayer was for you." Kolyat's words hit hard and reverberated around her brain. Thane's dying prayer had been for her. She sat in Life Support. She was perched in the window seat staring at the far off stars passing her by. The galaxy would never know what a brave and honorable soul had just passed away.

_At least he wasn't alone in the end._ It was the least she could have done for him. Thane Krios had been a confidant and friend. She had liked Thane, there was something smoothing and calming about him. He had been reliable and despite his illness an excellent fighter. She stared out the window into the inky void spotted with cold pinpricks of white light. She had never really thought about her mortality before. She _had_ been dead. She didn't remember it though. A black fog of lost thoughts and memories was what she alike it too. When she had awoken on that lab table, confusion and pain were the first memories. She didn't know what she was doing or where she had been…she knew nothing.

Looking back even now, a shiver raced down her spine. She hoped there was more to death than the black void of the darkness her mind kept conjuring up.

"Couldn't sleep."

Shepard started almost slipping from the window's precarious seat. Kaidan stood watching her with warm glowing eyes. The door behind him was swishing closed, quietly.

She looked back out over the vast galaxy. "Nope, just thinking."

"What about?" He moved closer to her, leaning up against the table across from her. He crossed his arms and regarded her intently.

Exhaling, she turned her face toward him meeting his eyes. "About Thane."

"Ah," Kaidan replied uncrossing arms. "What about him?"

"He died the way he wanted too. He died a hero. Another friend lost to this war." She whispered the words heatedly. Shaking her head, she spat, "It's all because of me too. They might still be alive, if I…" She knew it wasn't true, but it felt better saying something, anything… "Ugh!" She growled, standing up and pushing away for the window. It seemed the galaxy mocked her.

"Shepard, I don't remember you being this self-pitying." Kaidan remarked the teasing tone of his voice was more than she needed right now.

"I'm not, it's just…" Her eyes burned. _Shit, not now._ "Mordin and now Thane…Kaidan, people I care about have a way of dying on me." She turned her back on him. The darkness surrounding the ship greeted her. Hugging herself she quickly dabbed at her eyes. _I almost lost you on Mars and the Citadel. _She thought, she would never say the words aloud though. She kept telling herself and everyone else that she wouldn't have pulled the trigger. Her stomach tightened at the thought of keeping her gun trained on him for those brief few minutes. No, she wouldn't think on it…it didn't help the past was the past. Kaidan was alive and on the Normandy with her at this very moment.

"Hey," His hand was on her shoulder, strong and firm. "Talk to me, Shepard." She sighed, closing her eyes. She savored the slight warmth that radiant from the spot he was touching. Maybe it was wrong of her to want something of what they use to have back. The galaxy was at war. Her friends were dying and here she was thinking about how good and right it felt to have Kaidan's hand on her shoulder. And how almost three years ago he would have trusted her unconditionally back at the Citadel.

_James is right I do want to see him and talk to him. I do want him near me. I'm not scared…_ She knew she was lying to herself. Just having Kaidan here whole and intact was more than she thought possible. Especially after Mars.

She shook her head. "I'm fine, but the concern is appreciated and noted, Major."

"Shepard." His hand slid down her arm; gently grasping her upper arm he turned her to face him. "Don't lie to me." His warm eyes meet hers and she swallowed the lump of sorrow in her throat.

"I'm seriously fine. Just tired." She stated. He scowled at her, his eyes roving up and down her face.

She met him eye for eye. Finally he sighed and looked away releasing her arm, he stepped back. "Alright, Shepard" He said nodding. She stood still neither closing the gap between nor widening it.

After a several awkward minutes of silence, Kaidan finally broke it. "Why are you in here of all places?"

She glanced at him, and then shook her head depositing herself in the window seat again. "This is where Thane stayed." She said resting her head back again the windowsill.

"You two where close?" Kaidan asked and was there a hint of…jealousy in his voice. Shepard smiled knowingly at him.

"We were friends, Kaidan. He was dying when I meet him. I had never met a drell before, he was exotic, different, but if you must know…I wasn't attracted to him in _that_ way. Curious about him and his people? Yes. But it was nothing more than that." She pulled her knees up to her chest wrapping her arms around them she hugged them to her chest. "It's strange thinking back to the team I had with me to take down the Collectors. Everything seems so, otherworldly like it happened to a different person not to me." She shook her head and regarded him with huge wide eyes. "Sorry, I'm rambling."

Kaidan had pushed himself up onto the tabletop. He sat watching her, with a look of fascination on his chiseled features. His hands braced on either side of his legs. "Shepard, I just can't wrap my head around the idea that you were dead. I mean, it's not that I don't want believe you…just I don't know if I can. I mean, for two years, I thought…" he choked and his fingers clench the edge of the table tightly.

"I know…I still don't understand all of it myself."

"It's not just that…I…" he blinked shaking his head, "Let's talk about something else. I asked about Thane. I talked to him a little at the hospital. He seemed like a nice guy."

Shepard nodded. "He was once you got pass that blockade he put up. It was good to know that he died a hero…though that Kai Leng bastard is going to pay." She snarled the last part. "He was doing well; it was possible he could have lived another six months or so, but now…" She bit her bottom lip and turned her head away.

Kaidan relaxed and smiled. This was the Shepard he knew. No tough Commander front, but a human being. That little quirk of biting her bottom lip when she was upset. "Hey, Shepard, I'm sorry."

She closed her eyes and continued to face the window. "I know, but it's not just Thane, Mordin too." She chuckled. "You would have loved him. Never shut up, but he could sing." She sucked in a deep breath. Kaidan watched her, and as he did two small tears trickled out from under each of her eyelids. He blinked. Commander Shepard didn't cry. But in that moment he knew he wasn't seeing Commander Shepard, he was seeing Vaina Shepard. Not the kick ass marine, vanguard, fighter, Savior of the Galaxy, Hero of the Citadel, Star of Terra Medal recipient, the Hero of the Elysium, Vaina Shepard. No, this was the human being buried beneath all the armor, title, awards and rank. This was the woman he had once loved; sitting, remembering and mourning two lost friends.


	13. Poker Face

_No reference to the song at all...but I have to say I liked/hated writing this chapter...for some reason the characters didn't want to cooperate with me. They kept wanting to run the scene, silly boys. Anyway, thank you for the reviews, alerts, and favorites. Hopefully you guys enjoy!_**  
**

_Sincerely,  
Prism Elf  
_

**"Poker Face"**

James Vega stared over the top of his cards. Three jacks and two aces…this was a good hand. His eyes found Kaidan's. "Well, Major, what will it be…?" The Major's eyes darted across his own hand. His brow furrowed in concentration. "Come on, it's your call. You in or out?" James asked maybe a little too hopeful. He choked back the timbre of excitement in his voice. But, the Major probably didn't notice it. At least he hoped Kaidan didn't notice. The man had an uncanny knack for picking up on random little nuances.

"James, Kaidan," Shepard rang out across the intercom. Both looked up in response to the voice.

"Go ahead, Shepard." Kaidan replied first. James stared at his hand. _Dammit._

"Both of you grab your gear and meet me in the hangar. Shepard out." Short and sweet.

Kaidan stacked his cards together and started to gather up the cards scattered across the table in front of him.

"Whoa, hold up there, Major. There's no reason we can't play this hand out." James suggested, holding onto his own hand. "I mean it be a shame too…"

"Shepard's not in a good mood." Kaidan replied standing up. He left the cards in a neat pile on the table.

"Huh?" He regarded Kaidan as he started walking away. "Dammit, how in the hell do you know that?" He stood up hurriedly following Kaidan out through the door and to the elevator.

"Trust me. After working with Shepard long enough you learn little things." Kaidan said pressing the control panel's orange glowing light to summon it.

"What little things?" James crossed his arms and studied the Major. Since coming back on board the Normandy after his near death experience on Mars, something about Kaidan had changed. Escaping from Earth had them all on edge, the way Kaidan had questioned Shepard on Mars about her affiliations with Cerberus had put James on the defensive around him. But all of that changed with Udina's coup on the Citadel, Kaidan trusted Shepard. After his little talk with Shepard the other day, James knew there was much more than friendship between the two of them. He wasn't blind. Most people on the ship could see the way the two danced around each other. But, they were like one on the battlefield. The elevator doors slipped open, Kaidan and James entered. James pressed the button for the hangar. "Little things, like how short and clipped her orders were to us." James raised an eyebrow at him. Kaidan sighed, continuing, "And I bet that when we get down to the hangar, she'll be geared up, Lieutenant Cortez will be in the pilot seat and Shepard will be pacing waiting for us."

James narrowed his eyes. Uncrossing his arms he swung them back and forth stretching muscles. "You got all that from the way she said her orders."

"Yeah,"

A laugh escaped from James. "That's loco. There's no way, you could know that's what's she doing."

Kaidan shot him a knowing look. "We'll see."

The elevator stopped moving and the doors opened. Revealing a very pissed off Commander Shepard. Her eyes were glowing green in the dim hangar lighting. She stopped in mid-stride to glare at them.

James started looking around for Esteban, but he was nowhere in sight. Kaidan exited the elevator and headed directly for the lockers up along the left wall. "What's the situation?" He asked calmly, seeming completely unfazed by the daggered looks Shepard was throwing around.

"Cerberus." She hissed. James joined the Major by the lockers. He opened his and started cinching on his armor. Kaidan nodded.

"Well, that would explain a lot."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Shepard snapped crossing her arms. Sighing Kaidan stood up and turned to regard Shepard with a cool expression.

"You're venting at the wrong people, Shepard." Kaidan responded just as cool. James blinked at the Major. Shepard usually didn't get heated over nothing, so Cerberus was up to something big. This must be an N7 mission. He stifled a groan. This meant she was on direct orders from Admiral Hackett to investigate Cerberus activity; it was no wonder she was on edge. She hated Cerberus and after the Citadel debacle…she was gunning for them. Especially Kai Leng. But, the Major must have had some huge balls, because most people steered clear of Shepard on Cerberus N7 missions. He had been on a few now, and on those missions was she ruthless. She was a witch-hunter. Harsh, brutal and also unforgiving. It was a different side of Shepard, slightly disturbing.

Vega glanced over his shoulder at Kaidan and Shepard. Kaidan wasn't taking his time about pulling on his armor, but he was focused while doing so. Even then his eyes stayed locked with Shepard's. She huffed out a breath turning away. "I'll meet you in the shuttle." She said.

James hit a brick wall. It wasn't the Cerberus attack on the Citadel that had prompted the anger in Shepard toward Cerberus, no, the little ticks had been there since…Mars. Mars. James stared at Kaidan's back as he put on the last pieces of his armor. The Major reached into his locker and grabbed out his rifle and pistol. Clicking the guns onto his side and across his back. Huh, he should have seen it. Shepard was protective and aggressive when it came to those that she considered hers. The Illusive Man going after Major Alenko, almost killing him in front of Shepard…bad, move dude.

"Man, I can't believe you were right." James shook his head. These two were going to drive him loco, before it was all over.

"What that she would be pissed or that she would be pacing?" Kaidan asked though his eyes flickered back to the shuttle were the Commander was waiting.

"Both." He hooked the last piece of armor in place and grabbed the rest of his gear. "You got all that from her message. That's impressive, Major."

"Not really, Shepard thinks she has a good poker face, truth is, she has little tells."

"You've played poker against the Commander?" James had never seen Shepard play. Mostly his guard duty time had been spent talking with her and playing other card games, but never poker.

"Yeah, had to lose a few hands to her before I picked up on them. She plays the same way she leads." Kaidan moved away heading toward the shuttle. Vega scratched his head and them shrugged following after him.

Well, now he had to play poker against the Commander, because for the life of him he couldn't figure out her thought process. She was fearless and could be reckless as well, but other than that…he had no clue. "So tell me, Major, how much did you lose playing cards against the Commander?" James asked as he hopped into the shuttle. Shepard was up front with Steve going over mission details.

Kaidan took a seat and crossed his arms over his chest. He met Vega's eye for eye before answering. "I lost everything."


	14. Open Door Policy

_Thank you everyone for the reviews, alerts, and favorites. I'm glad everyone is enjoying the story still. I went back to before the start of ME 3. I wanted to see more of how Kaidan interacted with his students. Also I think that his students would have asked him his opinion of the situation. Though as you'll see if is a bit reluctant to talk about it. Happy Reading and enjoy!_

"**Open Door Policy"**

Kaidan rolled his shoulders. His muscles were tight. They weren't quite used to the strain he had been putting himself through lately. His implants hadn't acted up in a while, which did surprise him. He had thought with starting this command, the stress of the new position would have triggered more headaches, but so far only two in the past four weeks. Not bad.

"Sir!" Kaidan's head jerked around coming toward him were three of his students. Two boys and a girl; Privates Myles and Mein and Corporal Baines. The trio was off duty as was he. They had just finished a training session and in two days' time Kaidan had received word that they would be off on their first mission. These three were his most promising students' potential wise, but Mein and Myles' displays of attitude and cockiness had held him back from promoting them. Baines had a leader's instincts and the others did look up to him.

Kaidan stopped and waited for the group to catch up to him. "Privates, Corporal," he stated as they saluted him. "At ease. What would you like?" He nodded at them.

Mein and Myles exchanged a look before glancing at Baines who shrugged. "You guys wanted to ask, so ask." Baines waved his hand at them.

"Hmm…we were just curious, Major." Mein said pushing a strand of black hair out of her bright blue eyes. Kaidan had established an open door policy with his students. He wanted them to be able to think for themselves and react on their feet. But, mostly he wanted them to trust each other, to have each others' backs. Something he had learned from Shepard.

"About what?" He motioned for them to follow him. He didn't want to think about Shepard at the moment. He had heard the news. Her trial was playing over every vid channel he could find. He didn't want to watch any of it. He didn't want to discuss any of it. He most definitely didn't want to see any of it.

"You served with Commander Shepard, right?" Myles asked unexpectedly, Kaidan steps faltered. He hurriedly tried to catch his hesitation.

"Yes?" He asked a hint of uncertainty creeping into his voice. So much for not discussing any of Shepard's trial, suddenly he wished he didn't have that open door policy.

"Well, they have blasting her trial all over the vids and people are talking…that she's a traitor. What with her working for Cerberus and blowing up the Alpha Relay," Myles spouted quickly.

Kaidan sighed. "That's what everyone is saying." He agreed. He should have put a stop to the line of Shepard questions right then. But, Shepard. He wasn't certain what he thought about everything? What would did his students think of her? Did they think she was a traitor, like everyone else? Kaidan had never personally discussed Shepard with them. And he didn't want to either.

"Do you think she did it, sir? Do you think Shepard is a traitor?" Mein voiced innocently. Kaidan balked. He hadn't let his thoughts drift to Shepard in a while. He hadn't really let himself think deeply on Shepard. Not since Anderson had messaged him about the Normandy turning itself back over to the Alliance. He had wondered what Shepard was thinking, and what her plan was. But then he had gotten the news about the destruction of the Alpha Relay and how she had been involved. Shock, anger, and lastly disappointment had raced through him at the news. His Shepard would have never done anything, so...malicious. But then the report had across his desk…Anderson had forwarded it to him. Shepard had tried to warn the colony, but there hadn't been time. Still, it hurt thinking about Shepard. Did he think she was a traitor? He wasn't certain. It had been two years. He had changed. Maybe, at one point he could have trusted her blindly, but now? No, he couldn't. He wanted too. A large part wanted to believe her and trust her full-heartedly, but the practical side of him wouldn't...couldn't.

Kaidan stopped walking and turned to look at his students. He kept his expression reserved and collected. "I think Shepard is an amazing person. She is the Savior of the Citadel and a Star of Terra recipient, but even heroes are just human. She makes mistakes. The important thing is to own up to those errors and try to make them right. She destroyed the mass relay, killing hundreds of thousands of people. The batarians aren't going to stand by and let Shepard off with just a slap on the wrist. As to working with Cerberus…she did that too, but do I think she is a traitor?…I don't know." He replied honestly. Students always trusted an honest person and answer over a liar.

Mein and Baines exchanged a glance. Myles cleared his throat and looked at the floor. "But if she isn't a traitor then why did she do all those things?"

Kaidan ran a hand through his hair. "Because I don't think she had a choice. Sometimes, and you'll learn this, we don't always have a say in certain matters. We might get a mission that really sinks. But you do as you're told. You don't have to like it, but it's your duty and job to follow orders. Even Commander Shepard has to be held accountable for her actions."

"But she's a Spectre. Spectres can do want ever they want." Myles again, this time with a bit of attitude clipping the edges of his voice.

Kaidan shook his head. "No, Spectres are still held accountable by the Council. Just because the Council might not like what a Spectre is investigating, they still are held responsible for that Spectre's mission." He paused and pointed a finger at Myles. "Private, it doesn't matter what we think of Shepard or the fact that she's an actual hero. The problem is Shepard confessed to the destruction of the relay and to working with Cerberus. She's going to be held responsible for her actions. If she's really a traitor or not isn't up for us to decide. That's the Alliance Brass' call to make."

"But, sir," Baines started. Kaidan waved his hand dismissively. He didn't want to dwell on it anymore.

"Enough, just let the Brass decide these things, we will have own worries soon enough." Kaidan replied turning away again. Starting down the hallway, his students trailed after him.

"You didn't really answer our question, sir." Mein commented as they caught up to him.

"Because I'm not really sure about the answer myself, Private, that's why." Yeah, that open door policy was coming back to bite him in the butt.


	15. I Should Go

_Thanks again to all the reviews! This chapter is based off another prompt at the ME Challenge on Livejournal. I liked where this chapter went. I like Joker don't get me wrong, but I think at prior ME 3 he would be very cross and worried about 'his' ship. Thanks for the reviews, alerts and favorites again! Happy reading! I will have more of Kaidan and Shepard soon! In fact I'm working on the next installment as I write. : ) Definitely some fluff involved. _

_Sincerely,  
Prism Elf  
_

_**"I Should Go"**  
_

"I should go." She turned away from Joker not able to fully meet his eyes.

"Commander! You don't have to do this! You can't! They'll tear her apart! They'll dissect her!" Joker's normally cheerful voice was clipped and reaching the point of desperation. He started to drag himself up from his pilot's chair.

She spun around and turned her blazing eyes on him. "Enough Joker! I have to, we have to. You could've bailed before now like everyone else." She crossed her arms standing on the threshold between the cockpit and rest of the ship. The ship's crew was long gone…though some people still remained, mostly those loyal to Shepard and the Alliance. Dr. Chakawas and Ken and Gabby, but other than that most had jumped ship at Omega.

She sighed and shook her head. "Sorry, Joker, but I don't have a choice. It's time for me to answer for my crimes."

"They were batarians, Commander! If they were in the same position they would have done the same thing!" Joker spitted as he repositioned himself in his chair. Shepard blinked. Joker was only cruel when he was being defensive. This was his ship. "We just saved human colonies from being taken by the Reapers and made into a gigantic abomination, and now they are going to… detain us."

"I'm turning myself over to Admiral Anderson. We'll see…"

"No, Shepard you don't understand. I'll be fine, Chakawas will be fine. Ken and Gabby probably not. But you definitely. They are going to sacrifice you to appease the batarians. You're a hero; you're going to be raked across the coals and then poked with sharp sticks until they make you scream for mercy."

"Wow…when you put it that way." Shepard placed a hand to her lips covering up a smile. "It's nice to know you care."

"I'm serious, Commander, by the time the Brass is done with you, and everything you have accomplished won't mean shit." His hands flitted over the controls of the ship dancing it in the black void around them without missing a beat.

"I have to do this, Joker." Her smile slipped and an edge of guilt entered into her voice. "I killed those people; I have to pay for that."

Joker snorted. "Yeah, because you're the one who came up with the crazy plan to launch an asteroid at a mass relay."

"No, but I executed it. My fault. My responsibility." She turned away again. "I'll manage, and I'll put in a good word for you and the Normandy. They won't disassemble her. If anything they'll want to make improvements."

"She's perfect the way she is." Joker snapped.

Shepard groaned and waved a hand. "I should go, get things ready."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"Shepard. Admiral Anderson is messaging you." EDI intoned popping up in her usual spot next to Joker.

"Thank you, EDI. I'll take the message in the CIC." Shepard nodded walking back down the hallway.

"As you wish, Shepard."

"I hope she knows what she's doing." Joker whispered to A.I.

"I believe she does, Jeff." EDI replied back before disappearing.


	16. Evil, but Necessary

_So thank you once again for all the reviews, alerts, and favorites. Sorry, the last chapter was short. This chapter is a bit longer and well...definitely fluffy. I'm nervous about putting up anything too mature. It's not really my writing area. I prefer to leave up some things to the imagination. I love it when writers do that. Anyway, thanks again and happy reading!_

_Sincerely,  
Prism Elf  
_

"**Evil, but Necessary"**

Shepard awoke with a jolt. She had fallen asleep at her desk. Again. Exhaling she sat up, stretching her arms high above her. Her neck cracked at the movement. _Ugh, I have to stop doing this. _She thought as she pushed her chair back from the desk and stood. Grabbing a glass for the desktop she headed into the bathroom to fill it with water. Her mouth tasted dry and salty.

Something was bugging her. In the back of her mind she felt like she was forgetting to do something. Something slightly important. Taking a sip of water she walked back over to her desk and placed the glass down. Pulling over her chair again she sat. Reports where scattered around her desk like little tumbleweeds in an old western vid, heaving a heavy sigh she started picking through them again.

Everyone depended so much on her being able to juggle several things at once. She wasn't certain half the time if she could. She was only one human. But, that didn't stop her from trying. She didn't want to let anyone down.

The doors to her cabin opened with a faint swish.

"Commander, I have plotted out the fastest course to reach Sanctuary. The course will…" Traynor reported as she entered the room.

Shepard waved her hand. "Just tell Joker to follow the course you have plotted out for him." She motioned to the pile of reports on her desk. "Add your findings to the rest. I'll get to it." She commented taking another drink of water as she picked up another report. This one looked to be an update on the transports for the turian and quarian fleets. Good news.

"Aye, ma'am." Traynor said. She placed the report on top of the others. "Ma'am, I have a question for you. If I may?"

Shepard shrugged. "Sure, Traynor, go ahead." Eyes poured over the numbers and statics mentally calculating the data. She barely heard Traynor talk. Not that she was being rude, but she was busy.

"Well, how are you feeling?" Shepard glanced up sharply. She hadn't expected that sort of question out of Traynor.

"What do you mean?" Her eyes narrowed.

"It's just that the crew is talking and there's a lot riding on your shoulders. I just wanted to know how you were holding up." Traynor wrung her hands. "I'm sorry, Commander, it was a stupid…"

Shepard shook her head. "No, it's not a bad question, Traynor." She tossed down the datapad. "Truly, I feel like shit. There's a real good chance the Normandy won't make it through the next couple of hours. I'm doing everything in my power to see to it that the galaxy doesn't fall apart on us." She sighed leaning her head back until the base of her skull rested on the upper part of her chair. She closed her eyes.

"Why don't you get some rest, Commander?" Traynor asked.

"Because, Specialist, you see all these reports." She swept her hand out gesturing to the three stacks of datapads piled on her desk. Even with her eyes closed she could see the stacks. Sitting there ridiculing her ineffectiveness. "I have to read over them, give approval or deny it and then ship them out to my superiors."

"You could ask for help with those." Traynor suggested. But Shepard raised her head opening her eyes.

"Some of these are time sensitive and some are special clearances required you would need a N7 operations and identification code." Shepard threw her a half-hearted grin. "Thanks for the offer though."

Traynor blushed slightly and nodded. "Well, if you ever need help just let me know."

Shepard chuckled. Traynor was a sweet kid, but she wasn't quite cut out for the N7 life. Smart, funny and quick on her feet, which Shepard liked, but she needed to grow a bit of stomach and backbone. She was almost there, but not quite. She had some room for improvement.

"I have to get back to these reports." Shepard jerked a thumb over to the pile of desk work.

"I'll leave you to it, Commander." Traynor started to back out by as she did the doors opened and Kaidan stepped into the cabin.

"Oh, Specialist Traynor, I didn't see you there." He said taking a step to the side to let her pass.

"Hello, Major, I was just leaving." Traynor offered him a warm smile. As she passed by him she leaned toward him and lowered her voice. "The commander needs to sleep. Joker said her stress levels are through the roof again. I came up to check on her, but she's pouring over reports." She straightened and winked at him. "Have a good night, Commander and you too Major." She stated louder.

"Night, Traynor." Shepard lifted a hand in farewell, though she was distracted by the newest calculations in front of her.

Kaidan nodded at her. "I'll see what I can do."

Traynor nodded and walked out the doors closing behind her.

* * *

Kaidan watched Shepard for a moment. Her brow was knitted in concentration. To the point where he was certain she didn't even realize he was there. He cleared his throat as he approached her.

Her eyes roamed the datapad she was reading. "I know you're here, Kaidan. Give me a moment to finish this up."

"Shepard, the reports aren't going anywhere." He stated coming to stand behind her. He leaned forward his eyes flickered once to the report she held. He didn't even bother to read it. He nuzzled her neck, kissing it softly. "You need to relax," he whispered.

"Kaidan, I don't have time to." She replied indifferently. Kaidan chuckled then quickly reached out and plucked the datapad from her hands. He stepped away from her quickly. She stood up with fury written on her face. "Kaidan Alenko! I suggest you hand that back this insist!"

Kaidan laughed and didn't move. She took a step toward him and he didn't budge. "Come and get it." He stated calmly. His eyes locked with hers and for a moment, the fury reflected in her eyes and face vanished replaced by amusement and longing. Then her face blanked and she crossed her arms.

"Major, I don't have time for games." She stated motionlessly. Kaidan's lips twitched into a grin.

"Shepard," he lowered his voice as he reached out to hand her the datapad. Shepard took hold of it, but as her hand grasp it, he clasped her wrist gently but soundly with his free hand yanking her toward him. "I'm not playing." He said pressing his lips firmly against hers. Her released her wrist and slipped his arms around her waist. Placing his hands on her hips, he pulled her snug against him. Her hands flattened out on his chest. She was warm. He could feel her body heat even through their clothes. He deepened his kiss. His tongue twisting with hers. She moaned. Kaidan removed his hands from her hips; one hand reached up to clasp the back of her head. His fingers grazed over her amp and implants. A small shock jolted his fingertips as he entwined his finger into her hair.

"Kaidan," Shepard whispered her breath hot against his lips. Her hands slipped across his shoulders. "You're an evil distraction." She purred. He leaned forward slightly, touching his forehead to hers.

"Yeah, evil, but necessary." He said huskily, causing goose-bumps to break out across her skin. Tilting his head, his lips found hers again. Shepard threw her arms around his neck and kissed him back reckless. The datapad slipped from Kaidan's grasp and fell to the floor as Shepard started backwards leading him down the stairs to bed.


	17. Observations

_Thank you for all the reviews, alerts, and favorites. I wanted to try something different with this chapter. I like Liara, as a character. At first she was a little awkward and shy, then she actually starts to mature. She like a kid sister to my Shepard. She did try to ninjamance me in the first game though, so that's where the little crush/in-love with Shepard thing comes into play in this chapter. I just wanted to see what Liara thought of Kaidan and Shepard's relationship. _  
_Happy Reading!  
_

_Sincerely,  
Prism Elf  
_

**"Observations"**

Liara sat in the mess hall, doing what she did best: observing. Her eyes pretended to scan the datapad laid out before her, but to the careful observer they would have noticed her eyes would glance left, then right again, training on everything and nothing in particular all at once. She overheard conservations throughout her time just sitting, seeming to enjoy a past time that most would find rather boring or studious. However, Liara had long discovered that if one could pretend to be busy doing something practical, yet unobtrusive, people left you alone. And better yet were more inclined to talk openly about their deepest darkest secrets without thought that she might actually be listening to their conversation.

She wasn't spying on anyone in particular on the Normandy, but it did make for an entertaining hobby. And it never hurt to have the latest juice gossip of the hour. Today's special was Tali and Garrus. She had almost laughed at the crew's reaction. Not only were they, "aliens" on a human manned vessel, but they were both high officials on their home-worlds. It wasn't surprising really. At least not to her. But then she knew them, even back on the original Normandy the two had shared a bond of sorts that went beyond their shared food base. Both young and idealistic, having the dreams and hopes of their families hanging over their heads and burdened onto their shoulders, Shepard was a stabilizing force to them. She was their anchor in bad times and their light in darkness.

Liara shook her blue head, making it look as if a passage in her reading was giving her trouble. It was only a matter of time before the two of them realized their attraction. Admittedly, Liara had her own naïve to overcome when she had first met Shepard. Then she had thought she was attracted to the Commander. She was a tough woman, formidable in combat and intelligent. She had an open mind and passion. Something 'old' Liara had fantasized about finding in a mate, if she had been so motivated to find one. Yet, Shepard hadn't opened up to Liara in that sense. She wasn't interested in more than friendship. She saw Liara as a kid. A little sister, even if Liara was almost a century older than her.

A low chuckle brought Liara's eyes darting up quickly. Standing at the kitchen counter pulling out glasses and packets of a foul protein shake mix were Shepard and Kaidan. Liara felt a moment of jealousy hit her at the seeing the two together. Kaidan was smiling a little foolishly, while Shepard's laughter twirled across the room. There were only a few people in the mess hall, some off duty privates and specialist taking their dinner breaks. Everybody knew the Commander and Major were friends and had served on the original Normandy together, and most were starting to catch on that Shepard and Alenko were more than friends too. The couple was obviously not hiding it anymore.

They were standing pretty close together, speaking in hushed voices. Every once in a while one would smile and the other laugh. Liara expected at any moment for one to grab hold of the other and start 'making-out' as humans like to put it. They touched hands, fingertips grazed shoulders and at one point Kaidan even placed his hand on the small of Shepard's back then leaned in to whisper something her ear. That exhibit was followed closely by bout of laughter from Shepard.

Liara lowered her eyes back to the datapad in front of her. She really didn't want to the see the happy couple. A pang of regret bubbled up inside her. She should want both Kaidan and Shepard happy; they were her friends after all. But a part of the 'old' Liara the childish, naïve side of her had wanted Shepard to be revived and realize what Liara had done for her. It was her romantic side…she had hoped Shepard's eyes would open and she would see Liara as a hero…her hero, her rescuer. But it hadn't happened that way. She was content now to be friends with Shepard. It was a sad thought knowing that the one person in the whole galaxy she had wanted…was in love with someone else.

Kaidan was a good man; strong, reliable, and talented. She wished them happiness, even if it had meant that she would have to look elsewhere for hers.

Sighing, it was what friends did they wished each other happiness. Even if silently she had hoped that Shepard never would have forgiven Kaidan, but one of the things Liara knew Shepard loved about Kaidan was that he was his own man. He didn't follow her blindly. She loved that he had a mind of his mind. She needed someone who every once in a while would challenge her or even question her plans. It kept her sane. That much Liara knew she could never have done, at least not at first. Now, she might be able too, but back when Shepard and Kaidan had first started falling in love…no, she had been too in awe of Shepard. But now, she had learned maybe a little too late that Shepard was indeed human and made mistakes…and that she needed someone to be her confidant and friend as much as she needed someone to love her for her faults and shortcomings. When thinking back over the years, she still wasn't certain she could love Shepard like Kaidan obviously did. He supported her when she needed it. He also wasn't afraid of speaking his mind to let her know his opinions or thoughts. He might have trusted or believed her when she had sided with Cerberus to take down the Collectors, but Shepard seemed to have loved him more for it. He was loyal to the Alliance and apparently to her too.

"Hey, Liara, what're you reading?" Kaidan's voiced breaking Liara from her thoughts and dropping her back into the present.

"Oh, Major, sorry, did you ask me something?" She asked smiling at him as he took a seat across from her.

He chuckled, taking a sip of his drink. "Yeah, it must be pretty engrossing if you didn't hear me."

"Oh, what am I reading?" Liara cheeks blushed with a darker tinged of blue. "It's nothing really just some notes I have taken on Protheans over the past few years. Javik, has caused me to rethink my previous thoughts on Prothean culture."

"Well, he definitely a unique individual. Though, I wonder at how he manages to keep it all together. The things he must have seen," Kaidan shook his head. "I can't even imagine."

"I hope we won't have to either." She said meeting Kaidan's eye. She folded her hands, entwining her fingers together covering the datapad. "How are you going, Kaidan, we haven't had a chance to talk much these past few days."

Kaidan shrugged and looked back over his shoulder toward the kitchen. Liara followed his gaze. It landed on Shepard who was chatting with a nervous looking Tali. By nervous, the quarian was shifting from foot to foot, her head twitching left and right. She appeared to be conversing with Shepard about something important.

"I've been good, great actually. Yourself?"

Liara mimicked his shrug. "Can't complain. Thessia…was hard, but I'm adjusting." She replied honestly. Her survival skills were keen on adapting to a given situation. Losing Thessia had hurt, but she thought Shepard had taken the lost harder than most anyone else. Kaidan had to have known that though. Though, she did notice he never asked Shepard at least not in public if she was alright. Instead he had asked her. The Major knew Shepard wasn't doing well, and no point in pointing out the obvious and dwelling on her failure. In truth Liara couldn't help but wonder how much Shepard depended on Kaidan.

Out in the open the two were flirty and professional at the same time. Never once had she seen the kiss in public. She hadn't seen them even hold hands. The brief touches, smiles and silent glances were her only indication that they were close. Shepard was friendly and would banter, but touching was off limits, unless she initiated it. The fact that Kaidan would reach and brush a stray wisp of hair from Shepard face or place a reassuring hand on her shoulder was confirmation in Liara's eyes of their relationship. Once again the thought stung. She was just friends with Shepard, just friends.

"I'm sorry, but Thessia, Liara…I wish…dammit, Kai Leng will pay." Kaidan said suddenly a biting tone to his voice. The edge to his words, made a shiver run through her. He was serious. Deadly so. Kaidan was a powerful biotic, even if he was only using the L2 implant, he had mastered it. He had the potential to rival some asari. He also didn't throw around death threats on a daily basis. When he committed to something, he committed. Kai Leng was as good as dead.

She nodded. "Thank you for that, Kaidan. I'm sure between you and Shepard Kai Leng should be scared witless."

Kaidan smiled at her. "You can bet on it."

"James and I already have." Liara commented, sheepishly. In order to make her feel better Lieutenant Vega had suggested placing a little wager on which of the two human Spectres would tear Kai Leng in half first. Liara giggled at Kaidan disbelieving look.

"Yes, James and I, we have placed a bet on which of you two." She gestured toward Shepard would be the first to get to him and kill him. Safe to say it was James attempt to cheer me up and it worked, slightly at the time. Feels a little foolish now though."

A burst of short laughter escaped from him and he slapped a hand down on the table. "So, who did you bet on?"

Liara blushed again. "I don't think that would be far to say."

"Shepard, huh?" The gleaming look in his eye was undisguised mirth. Liara wanted suddenly disappear. Too bad biotics couldn't render one invisible.

"I'd bet on her too." He stated. "I mean don't get me wrong. I hate the bastard for what he did on Thessia and what he did to Shepard." He lowered his voice. "And if he was in my sights…I wouldn't hesitate to pull the trigger."

Liara knew it was true too. She also knew that Kaidan would Shepard the satisfaction of killing Kai Leng first. It was one of the reasons that she had placed her bet on Shepard, though in truth, the gleam in the Major's eye as he was speaking of Kai Leng just at that moment had to give her pause. There was a murderous fury hidden deep within those depths. Kaidan wouldn't hesitate to rip Kai Leng in half with his biotics. And Liara saw the truth behind that. He wouldn't hesitate because Kai Leng had also killed Shepard on Thessia. Thankfully Shepard's luck hadn't run out, but it almost had. Kaidan wanted to kill Kai Leng because he had hurt someone he cared about. Liara was suddenly glad she had never been on the receiving end of the Major's wrath, because this calm and collected human had a deep buried fire. A fire that once unleashed she wasn't certain could be put out. It unnerved her. She wasn't the fragile, helpless girl they had rescued three years ago; she had seen things that made most people shudder at the mere mention of in deed. Yet, right now, at that very moment she was frightened and shocked by the human male, who she called a friend, sitting across from her. He was simply armed with a sweet friendly smile, hidden biotic powers, and passionate craving to protect that which he loved. Kaidan suppressed his emotions well. Liara had never seen him lose control. Even when Shepard had died with the first Normandy, he had suppressed his reaction. Calmly collecting everyone together and doing rational chore list, she had lost it, Tali had lost it, Garrus and Wrex had been surprised and shocked by the news, but Kaidan stayed composed and cool. She was certain that when he was by himself later, he had let loose. But in front of everyone, he showed very little.

She really never wanted to see the Major lose that composure. From all her observations of him and Shepard, he was the least predictable, which meant he would be the most dangerous and possibly unstable. The realization was disquieting.

"I'm sorry, Major, I have to go. I have people I must contact before all of this goes down." She stood abruptly. Grabbing the datapad as she did so.

"Okay," Kaidan blinked and leaned down in his chair. She walked toward her room, but before she was out of earshot, Kaidan called out to her. "Liara, I would love to read your book once it's finished. Maybe I can get a signed copy."

Liara paused and looked over her shoulder. "I think I can manage that, Kaidan." She replied then headed back to her room. As the door to her room swished open she glanced down at the datapad in her hand. The names of possible book titles were typed across it. _He is must more observant than I have given him credit for._ She thought. She had thought that her little awkward gesture to cover up the names had gone unnoticed by him. Apparently she had been wrong. She smiled. The Major didn't miss much, and for Shepard's sake she was glad.


	18. Memorial

_Thanks for the reviews, alerts, and favorites. I'm still writing...just been busy what with school coming to an end and what not. Anyway, hopefully everyone enjoys. Happy reading!_

_Sincerely,  
Prism Elf  
_

"**Memorial"**

Garrus slid the name plate into place on the Memorial Wall. Mordin Solus. He sighed flexing his jaw. His light eyes taking in the list of names, he reached out and traced a gloved claw down the rows. He knew just about everyone on that list. And the ones he didn't he felt like he knew, because people talked about them. Corporal Jenkins. Kaidan and Chakawas spoke of the young human fondly. Kaidan had told stories of the Corporal looking for adventure and a name for himself, but even as he spoke there was a twinge of sorrow and regret that lingered in his eyes.

He had seen him die, been right there. A few more steps and it could have been him instead of the young Corporal. But then where would Shepard have been without Kaidan? Shepard was strong and independent, but she was still one person taking on the responsibility of the entire galaxy. Everything and everyone depended on her and her well-being. Maybe, she would have gotten over it. It had been their first mission together; they hadn't even really talked up until that point, so maybe she would have fine. But now…now he knew. He had spoken with Liara. On Mars, Shepard had almost lost him. If Shepard lost Kaidan she would lose hope. She would have nothing left to fight for. She would be dangerous, but reckless and stupid. They needed Shepard in peak physical and emotional condition. Even if she hadn't forgiven Kaidan for walking away on Horizon months back, or maybe she had. Knowing Shepard she had already forgiven his harsh words even before they were spoken. Garrus wasn't as forgiving. Kaidan hadn't trusted Shepard. Hadn't trusted him. That was not easily tossed aside. If he was here right now, Garrus wasn't certain how he would react.

Hearing that Kaidan was in the hospital on the Citadel didn't help matters. Garrus let his nail scrape down the plaques resting a second or two on each one. He tapped Mordin's name plate as his finger touched it.

"I wouldn't have thought you had it in you. You crazy salarian bastard, curing the genophage, helping Shepard to unite the krogans and turians you helped give us a fighting chance in this war." Garrus muttered dropping his hand away. "Thank you, my people will be in your debt." He whispered the last part. The krogan would be in the salarian's debt too. But as that he had died and gone against the wishes of his own people…he would be remembered and probably scratched from the records of his people's history. Eve would see to the krogan never forgetting the salarian. She was good for Wrex. She would be good for the krogan. They needed that calming factor and that other side of the events perceptive that Eve offered.

"You'll be missed." Garrus stated turning away. Shepard was standing in the elevator. The doors to the lift had just slid open revealing her bright vibrant eyes focused on him. Garrus swallowed. His mandibles flexed as he crossed his arms. The Commander looked tired. Her hair was neat, her uniform pressed, but her face was a book. Usually so guarded and controlled Shepard had dark circles under her eyes, her cheeks looked wane and her expression soft, but tension radiated from her.

"Shepard," Garrus nodded. The Commander looked very vulnerable and nothing like the formidable warrior he knew she was. "You look tired, have you slept yet?" He asked his eyes drifting over her entire body. Her shoulders were slumped. As she walked off the elevator he noticed her steps were sluggish.

"Not yet." She responded coming to a stop in front of the wall. Her hand reached out and she traced a fingertip along Mordin's name etched in the shiny slivery metal. "He died a hero. I couldn't have been prouder." She whispered. "I can only hope for an end as meaningful and promising."

"Don't talk like that." Garrus glanced around. He didn't want any one overhearing Shepard speaking like she had lost all hope. Shepard was their hope, she couldn't lose hers.

Shepard shook her head. "No, it's true; you hope the same thing too." She turned and met his eyes. "All warriors want that. I don't think I want to die in a bed of old age. I want to die in my own way. Even if we lose this war. I will die in my own way. Not the way the Reapers want. But in the way I want. Mordin died doing something he knew was right. He wanted it to be this way. His death had meaning. His death was important. Millions will live because of his sacrifice. That's what I hope for. That's how I want to die. I want millions…billions to be saved." She paused and Garrus blinked. "It might sound self-serving, but in truth if my death stops the deaths of billions, then how can I not lay down my own life. Billions of people have the opportunity to live or to go on living. Who am I to decide that they shouldn't? How am I more important than an entire race, an entire species?"

Garrus chuckled. "That's why you're our savior, Shepard, because you think about these things…you aren't afraid to think about these things. Me, I just hope that I see tomorrow, I just hope that _you_ can find a way to stop the Reapers from destroying Palaven, from destroying the galaxy." He uncrossed his arms and tapped a finger to his chin. "But _you_ have thought about how one life, can make a difference in this war. You want to win this war humanely, even though that might not be possible. You still have hope that you can." He shook his head. "Hope, that's what people need to keep fighting this war. When the numbers are all anyone else can see, you see beyond that. You see the people dying not the numbers."

Shepard shook her head. "No, I see the numbers too. But those numbers are next to names, Garrus. Like Mordin could be number one million four hundred sixty-two thousand five, but to me he still: Mordin Solus. I get that." She rubbed a hand across her eyes. "But it's exhausting thinking like this. And I can't turn it off, because the second I do…I become no better than those that we fight."

Garrus nodded. "I know." He sighed, his jaw flexing again. "Go get some sleep, Shepard, you deserve it. I'll tell Joker to set a course for the Citadel." He started for the elevator with her in tow.

She raised an eyebrow. "The Citadel? Garrus, we don't need to…"

"Oh, I thought there might be a certain Alliance Major who could do with an update and a visit." Garrus replied without missing a beat. Shepard froze as Garrus stepped into the compartment. "What? You don't want to see him?" he asked noticing her hesitation.

Shepard eyed him carefully before stepping forward and into the elevator with him. "It's not that…I just didn't think it was that obvious." She said a ghost of smile slipping onto her face. Garrus cocked his head. Humans' smiles were still a weird concept. He wondered where the idea of baring one's teeth became a sign of happiness.

"You two were close at one point," Garrus commented pushing the button to shut the doors. "It means that you would want to see him. Even if things change between you two, the fact of the matter is, you still cared for him at one point. He was a highlight in your life at one time. You can't change the past. You move on and deal with the consequences." Garrus crossed his arms.

"Now, here's something new, Garrus aka the Archangel, giving me advice about moving on and accepting the consequences of our actions." Shepard teased. "I never would have thought."

Garrus chuckled. "Yeah, don't tell anybody. I have an appearance to keep up."

Shepard laughed. And he found himself joining in. It was good to be back on board the Normandy.


	19. Awkwardness

_Thank you all for the reviews, alerts and favorites...sorry it took so long to get an update posted...been, busy, busy, busy! This chapter really was weird to write. Once again a chapter I liked/hated writing...at first I saw it going in a completely different direction and then the characters were like screw you...I"m going this way. So after much debating/editing/negotiating this is what I came up with. Enjoy! Next chapter will be up sooner, already started working on it. : ) Happy Reading!_

_Sincerely,  
Prism Elf  
_

"**Awkwardness"**

_Okay, this is awkward._ Shepard's gaze altered between Tali and Garrus. The quarian was rambling about getting her helmet caught on his mandible. Shepard chuckled. If she could see Tali's face she knew it would be blushing. Garrus was also rambling and going along with whatever popped out of Tali's mouth. This was turning out to be a bad idea.

Shepard covered the smile tugging at her lips with a hand.

"I wanted to make certain her suit wasn't ruptured. " The turian stated shyly. Shepard shook her head. It honestly didn't bother her. She was quite happy for them. Removing the hand from her lips, she waved at them dismissively. Both ceased their protestations and faced her squarely.

"I'm happy for you both." Shepard's smile was as blinding as the desert sun on a hot summer day.

"Oh, thank you, Shepard." Garrus intoned cocking his head to the right. "It's just with the war coming to a head it's nice to know you have something to come home to."

"What are you talking about, Vakarian, this is just a fling. I'm only using you for your body." Tali teased taking a step closer to Garrus. He laughed at her.

"You're so mean, but I'm okay with that." Garrus replied collecting the lithe quarian into his arms.

Shepard spun away. She really didn't want to know. Okay, while happy for them, she didn't want to watch. Walking by the sleeper pods and back into the Mess Hall, she spotted Kaidan and Dr. Chakawas sitting at a table. Both were drinking coffee, sipping causally at the black ichor, neither seemed to notice Shepard approaching.

"It's was weird, seeing the evidence. Of the human Reaper from the Collector base. To think that Cerberus was studying that thing." Kaidan shook his head. "It's sick."

"One of the scariest times in my life was being abducted by those creatures. Thinking I was going to be turned into a part of that thing." Chakawas spit out harshly. Kaidan nodded again.

"I can't imagine what that was like."

Chakawas shook her head. "No, you can't, I suppose." She took a sip of her coffee. "But enough about that. I've relive it every night in my dreams…let's talk about something else. How is the Commander really doing, Kaidan?"

Shepard balked coming to a stop next to the kitchen counter. Her eyes remained focused on Kaidan. His hands wrapped tightly around his coffee mug flexed. He looked down into the depths of his drink. "She's doing well, considering in a few hours we'll be back on Earth and she'll be leading the largest army in the known galaxy."

"She hasn't been sleeping well though has she?" The doctor asked innocently. Shepard saw Kaidan flinch slightly. "Yes, I know you and Shepard are intimate." The word intimate hung in Shepard's ears. Interesting word choice for the doctor, did she not think that Shepard and Kaidan were more than sex partners? The thought that Chakawas possibly saw their relationship as purely sexual was distressing. Kaidan was more to her than that. So much more. Her chest tightened at the thought that in two hours they would be back on Earth giving the Reapers hell. They had spent last night together, wrapped in each other arms, loving, talking and saying goodbye if it should come to that. Either one of them had said it, but they both had known it. If something were to happen today, they wouldn't regret not spending their last night together.

"She sleeps, but…" His fingers tightened and even from this distance, Shepard could see the little lines around his eyes deepen. "Not restfully, I'm worried about her." His voice cracked slightly. Shepard's heart stopped beating for a moment. A brief jolt of pain seared through her.

"Kaidan," She whispered. She knew he worried about her. He feared she would disappear on him again. But, they were both soldiers. They had to fight. They had to defeat the Reapers. It was their top priority. Nothing else could come first until they were destroyed.

"She'll be alright, she's strong and determined. And you give her hope." Chakawas reached out and placed a gentle hand on Kaidan's wrist. "You two are good together. I've watched you both dance around each other since you first laid eyes on each other on the first Normandy. I was there after Horizon," Kaidan sighed and closed his eyes. "She did look for you, but I think she was proud of you on Horizon. She wasn't angry with you, hurt maybe, but she understood. She's just one of those people. I was also there the moment they wheeled you into the hospital on the Citadel. When she thought she was going to lose you. The look in her eyes was…lost. Commander Shepard looked lost and confused, and suddenly vulnerable. Since you have been back on board, Kaidan, well, look for yourself."

Chakawas' head tilted in Shepard's direction. Shepard jumped as Kaidan's eyes shot open and he followed Chakawas canted head. His eyes widened as they settled on her. A smile split his handsome face and Shepard found herself smiling back. Kaidan raised a hand motioning for her to come join them. Shaking her head, Shepard walked over to join them. She took a seat next to Kaidan.

"Doctor." Shepard greeted as under the table she pressed her leg against Kaidan's. His eyes flickered to her for a moment before landing back on Chakawas.

Dr. Chakawas chuckled and removed her hand from Kaidan's wrist. "As I was saying, you two are good for each other."

Kaidan and Shepard shared another glance. A smile tugged at the corners of both their lips. "Perhaps, though he can be a little stubborn." She threw him a wink.

Kaidan chuckled, the sound vibrating deep in his chest. "Yeah, I'm the stubborn one."

Chakawas laughed pressing a hand to her mouth. "See, this is what I mean."

Shepard snickered as she stood up. "I really should be getting ready. I have a lot to coordinate before we reach Earth. I just wanted to say…" She hesitated. Chakawas stood up.

"Commander, it's been an honor. I just wanted you both to know. It's been a pleasure and honor serving on this ship, with both of you. No matter what happens know that I'm glad to call you both friends." Chakawas saluted both of them. Kaidan stood, returning the salute.

"Thanks, Dr. Chakawas. Same to you."

"Yes, Same to you." Shepard said echoing Kaidan. She felt a great sadness suddenly envelope her. Like a wave on the ocean rolling over her. The emotion was so strong and unexpected. She had a nagging feeling that Chakawas was saying good bye to them. "Don't worry, Doctor. We will be back. You can count on it. And we'll have that drink in celebration of defeating the Reapers."

"I'll hold you to that, Commander."


	20. Focus

_It's short and sweet, but I plan on having a Shenko moment in the next chapter. I want to make certain I'm getting just right...I'm thinking there might only be two maybe three more chapters and I might this out of my system. (Shrugs) Who knows? Thanks for reading, alerts, favorites and reviews! Love them all!_

_Sincerely,  
Prism Elf  
_

"**Focus"**

It was hard staying focused on the task at hand. Escaping Earth, heading to Mars, then the Citadel, gather the Council races together, fight the Reapers, and save Earth…no the galaxy from destruction, all of it was supposed to be that simple. Shepard had no idea of how she was going to complete any of it, but she at least had an outlined plan of what her goals were to be. Yet…it wasn't all falling into place.

Mars: She had rescued Liara and the plans for the Crucible. But what the Crucible did was anybody's guess. And Kaidan…had been hurt, almost killed.

Her hands tightened on the railing of the war room map. She closed her eyes and willed herself to not focus on the negative aspects of the mission. She had a job to do. Regardless of who might be lost in the process. A hollow feeling invaded her chest. Kaidan was strong, he would pull through he had too. There wasn't a choice.

Opening her eyes again she stared down at the galaxy map in front of her. Reaper forces had conquered the Sol system and were on the move. Their forces branched out across the known and even unknown parts of the galaxy. She was just one human.

_Focus on the situation at hand._ She reminded herself. The situation she was currently in was dire. Meeting with the turian's Pirmarch, she just had to find him first. She blew out a breath and collected her composure. _I can do this._

Pushing back away from the railing, she looked around her at the soldiers running numbers, tactics, and statistics all around her. Their jobs were simple, calculate all the numbers, run scenarios for the best possible outcome, guard the war room, collect intelligence information, apply weapon's system checks, keep tabs of soldiers on duty and off duty, the list went on and on each one important, but individualized. She used to be one of those soldiers. She used to just take orders and follow them, but then…she had never really been one of the blindly follow orders types either. People trusted her for whatever reason. They trusted her judgment and orders. She didn't want to let anyone of them down.

Glancing back at the map, she set her jaw and raised her head. Even if the Reapers destroyed everything, even if they all failed. _I'm not going down without a fight._


	21. Falling Down

_Thank you for all of my reviews, favorites and alerts! I'm glad people are still following the story...it's been fun. This chapter was fun to write. It went a completely different direction than what I thought originally. Anyway, enjoy!_

_Sincerely,  
Prism Elf_

"**Falling Down"**

_London Bridge is falling down, falling down_

_London Bridge is falling down, my fair lady._

Shepard hummed the ancient nursery rhyme as she watched the vid feeds from the fall of Earth. She wasn't certain why she was watching the vid recordings. They were depressing, yet motivational. Watching them reminded her of what she was fighting toward. She wasn't born on Earth, besides staying in Vancouver for the eight months she had been grounded was the most time she had spent on Earth in years. Shepard was more comfortable on a ship than on the ground. On the ground she started to feel restless and cooped up. Strange most people felt that way about being on a ship for a period of time, but not her.

Earth was still her home-world. She hadn't been born there, but it was a source of inspiration. Alliance soldiers were taught that Earth was what they fought for, to defend, protect and die for. Earth was burning. The planet wasn't lost, not yet. Yet, watching the vids that people had managed to sneak out on encoded comm channels. The videos were shot from omni-tools and were rough unedited footage of Reapers blowing up buildings and husks chasing people through buildings. Most of the vids were like watching horror vids. People walking down dark corridors with only their omni-tool lights to guide their way, but even as they rounded the corner a husk would grab someone from behind or leap upon the person mauling them to death with teeth, claws and electrical currents.

"You know, if you keep watching all those vids you are just going to drive yourself crazy." Kaidan said from directly behind her.

Shepard jumped despite her training. "Jeez, Kaidan, don't do that." Shepard placed a hand over her heart. "I think my heart stopped beating for a moment."

Kaidan chuckled. "I wasn't trying to scare you."

Shepard pushed back from the desk, hitting the pause button on her computer's vid screen. She spun her chair around to face him. "I'm not going to go crazy, according to James I'm already there." She crossed her arms. Her lips peeled back in a lopsided display of glee. Kaidan shook his head and closed the distance between them. Leaning forward he placed a hand on each armrest, boxing her effectively in her own chair. His breath was warm on her face. She met his eyes with her own. Those eyes, she could lose herself for hours in those dark warm eyes.

"You're not crazy, but you will be if you keep making yourself watch those vids." Kaidan replied.

Shepard tilted her head bringing her face scant centimeters away from his. "I know, but I need to see it. I need to remember." She whispered letting her lips ghost over his.

"Hmm…" He purred as he reached up with his right hand to gently cup her face. "Shepard, there are better ways to remember. Don't punish yourself. You are doing everything you can to get back to Earth." His thumb caressed her cheek.

Shepard closed her eyes savoring the warmth of his nearness. His touch and words a more powerful reminder than any fear she could conjure up.

She was fighting to stay alive. She was fighting so that the galaxy and all the people in it, good and bad, could have a chance at what she was experiencing right at the moment with Kaidan. It was a beautiful worthwhile dream; a future with no threat of Reapers destroying everything. The galaxy would always need saving from itself, but someone else could take up the mantel once she was done with it. She had a reason to fight this war, but once it was finished she also had a reason to stop fighting too. In all her years of being in the Alliance never had she thought about what her life would be like if she where to quit? Never before had the thought crossed her mind. Now, it buzzed around her mind like an annoying fly hovering around an open wound.

"It isn't punishment. Just motivation to keep fighting." She replied opening her eyes. She slumped back against her chair. His fingers grazed long her jaw and lightly down her throat. Gently he brought his fingers across her shoulder and flitting down her arm. He leaned forward pressing his forehead against hers. Their noses were almost touching. Shepard could smell the sweet tanginess of his breath. Even through her clothing she could feel the heat of his touch.

"Since when is torture motivational?" He asked, his lips brushing against hers. Shepard's heart picked up speed, thudding almost painfully against her ribs. His hand reached her wrist. His hand was hot as he gently grasped her wrist. "Enough, Shepard," he breathed against her lips.

"You going to continue lecturing me, Major, or are you going to kiss me?" She asked playfully.

Kaidan laughed quietly. His lips found hers milliseconds after she asked the question. It was a passionate kiss shared equally on both sides. Shepard lost herself it in. Not wanting to think about the past, the present or even the future had in store for either of them. She just left herself be absorbed by Kaidan's presence. She reacted letting her heart take control of her body; her mind could rest for a while. Kaidan would take all of her worries and fears away for a few hours.

She was briefly aware of Kaidan pulling her up out of the chair, though his lips never left hers. She kissed him back. Placing a hand on his chest as he wrapped a strong arm around her waist. He pressed her closer to him. His hand that had grasped her was now entwined with hers. Fingers clasped together like the strands of rope, twisted and knotted.

Kaidan broke the kiss first. His eyes danced with joy, sparkled and heated with it. Shepard's spirits rose with his. The thought that she made him happy, elated her. She wanted him to be happy above all else. She smiled at him, and placed her head on his shoulder. Her fingers smoothed the fabric of his shirt. He turned his face toward hers and placed a delicate kiss on her forehead.

They stood there like that for several long minutes just holding each other, savoring the support and security of the others arms.

* * *

Shepard awoke from a black sleep. A form of deep comfortable sleep she didn't get very often. She usually only got that kind of much needed rest when Kaidan stayed.

She could still feel his warm body pressed against her back. Her eyes roamed over to her bedside table where her alarm clock was buzzing softly. _So that is the culprit._ She thought as she reached out a hand to shut the blasted thing off. She didn't want to get up, just yet. She knew the galaxy needed her and Kaidan, but right now…right now they were together. She wanted this to last. Turning she faced him, cuddling deeper into his chest. The arm he had draped across her body tightened holding her closer. Yet, his eyes remained firmly shut. She smiled as she let her fingers glide through his hair. He exhaled and a little smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

Watching him peaceful and content…she wished….

_I wish we could have meant under better circumstances._ She placed a quick kiss on the end of his nose. His face scrunched up and Shepard's laughter twittered across her cabin. "Not asleep, huh?"

"I was." He groaned. "Until your alarm went off."

"Sorry," She snuggled closer burying her face into his shoulder. "I just don't want to get up." She mumbled.

Kaidan squeezed his arm. Shepard sighed contentedly. Her breath tickled his skin sending goosebumps prickling along his arms. "I can't blame you, honestly, I don't want to either."

Shepard let her fingers trail down his chest to rest on his stomach. Her eyes glanced upward and she saw Kaidan was staring at her. The look on his face was…hard to decipher. He loved her. Admired her…cherished her. His looks and words just his touch sent shivers of pleasure coursing through her frame. Seeing him every day and having him besides her through all of this meant the world and more to her: why couldn't she say she loved him? She had tried several times, but the words always choked themselves in her throat.

_Because I don't want to hurt him._ She was shocked by the thought. If she were to die again, what would his life be like? What would her life be like if he died? She blinked. Another thought she didn't like to dwell on…she had pushed the thought aside after he had been injured. She didn't want to think about her life without him. _Dammit, I can't lose him._ She smiled and lifted her face up to his. "I've...fallen for you." She cringed knowing it sounded ridiculous and cliché. Why couldn't she say it? She really did love him…then why? And now he was staring at her again.

Kaidan blinked.

Shepard felt her cheeks grow hot. She ducked head. Embarrassment flooded through her. "I…mean…" Kaidan placed a finger to her lips. Letting his finger slide down he drew her face up toward his.

"I love you too." He whispered before kissing her deeply on the mouth. He pulled her closer wrapping both arms soundly around her. Shepard once again let herself be lost in his embrace. All too soon they both would have to go back to their respective duties, but right then…she just wanted to fall even further in love with him.


	22. Stay With Me

_Well, it's been a while. Life happens though. I have a few more chapters that I want to put for this story. Some Shenko fluff and stuff, but I also have so more of the other characters too. I have a chapter with Tali and EDI that I'm working on editing and adding more too. Anyway, thanks for the reviews, follows and favorites...I've loved writing these chapters. Enjoy!_

_Prism Elf  
_

"**Stay with Me"**

Liara couldn't be right. There was no weapon in the all the universe that could destroy the Reapers. If there was then how was it missed? Had it really been sitting in front of their faces the entire time? Tucked away safely in the archives on Mars?

Shepard shook her head as she unsnapped another section of armor and tossed it onto the armory workbench. The arm plate needed to be patched, it was singed and missing a chunk from a Cererbus sniper. She frowned and leaned over to remove her leg guards.

"Just leave them there, Commander. And I'll attend to them." An unfamiliar male voice said from behind her. She was getting use to the idea of seeing and meeting new faces aboard the Normandy. After all this wasn't supposed to be _her _ship.

"Thanks." She responded automatically. Pulling off one leg guard and starting to work on the other.

Shepard didn't bother to look up. She was to occupied with her thoughts. A weapon that could destroy Reapers was boggling and alarming. Liara had seemed hurt that Shepard couldn't believe in this super weapon, but she had learned a long time ago not to put too much faith or stock in one thing. She shook her head again, as she grabbed both leg guards and straightened tossing the leg guards down next on the bench next to her arm guards.

"Mr. Vega! Do you care to explain what you did to my ship!?" The same male voice shouted across the armory.

"Woah, hold on now, Esteban, don't get your panties in a knot." James replied, Shepard glanced over her shoulder to see a smaller and slightly darker man standing near the Kodiak. He seemed to be examining the thrusters with his omni-tool. Shepard's brow furrowed as she noticed the man was scowling at James who happened to be sitting on a bench near his locker removing his armor.

"Don't tell me to hold on. Spill it. What did you do to her?"

James shrugged. "Oh, I don't know, saved the day. You know, by stopping that Cerberus mech from escaping with the data."

The man rolled his eyes at James and returned his attention to his omni-tool. "If I didn't know you Mr. Vega, I would say that story would sound like bullshit from anyone else."

"Haha, then you know everything they say about me is true!"

"And yet, you're proud of crashing my ship."

James shrugged again. "Hey, it stopped Cerberus."

Shepard shook her head and tuned out the rest of their conversation. She would have to talk with James about his little maneuver later. Right now, she wanted to check on Kaidan.

She was worried. Liara said she had stabilized him the best she could, but she wasn't a medical doctor. Sharp pain twisted her gut, that recent memory of the Cerberus mech latched onto Kaidan helmet. One wrong move and he would be dead.

Helpless had crept over her seeing him caught like that. If she had shot and missed the mech could have easily ripped the helmet from his head, or even used him as a shield. Too many unknown factors.

Shepard moved to the elevator with determined strides.

_He'll be alright._ She told herself as the elevator doors slipped open.

"Hey, Commander!" James called out, she ignored him watching as the doors slid shut on the armory.

"He has to be alright." She whispered.

The elevator moved too slowly and Shepard bubbled with anxiety. She wanted to see him, just to make certain that he was still breathing, still alive.

_What if he's not?_ The little part of her brain that was practical and rational piped up. Her heart stopped at the thought. Losing Kaidan, she had never thought about it. Virimire flashed before her the memories from those few months…

_No, years ago, it was years ago…almost three years ago._ She reminded herself. She hated went that happened. When she lost track of time or how long ago something was. But sometimes really felt like just yesterday that Ashley, Kaidan and her would be sitting down in the Mess Hall of the old Normandy discussing ridiculous things like favorite foods or favorite places to visit on shore leave.

The doors to the elevator opened and Shepard flinched as it jumped back to her thoughts of the present. She stepped of the metal box and looked at the names etched onto the wall memorial. Her eyes sought out Ash's.

_Please, I don't want to put his name up there._ She closed her eyes briefly and swallowed the dark thought as she walked away.

The medical bay was virtually empty. Two technicians were back in the AI core working on the Cerberus mech with EDI's assistance. Kaidan lain on the medical table, like he was sleeping off a bad headache. His blue armor was a stark contrast to all of the sterile grays. She stepped up closer watching for the telltale signs of life. His chest rose, but it was barely discernible and it rattled a little as he exhaled.

His face was a mass of bruises and dried blood. She approached cautiously afraid…she wasn't really certain what she was afraid of.

_Maybe I just don't want to do this all alone. Not again._ She stood beside Kaidan and gently reached out to try and brush away some of the blood dried on his face. She had faced the Collectors with many people at her back, people she had come to trust…yet it hadn't been the same as when she took Saren down. Something was different about the Collectors, maybe she had felt disconnected because she had been dead for the past two years or maybe she hadn't really been drawn to any of the people who served with her on the mission. She didn't know, she just knew that she had felt alone.

Staring down at Kaidan's prone form a sudden sense of purpose and resolve overcame her. She would do this. She could do this. She had told Liara that if she thought about the things she could lose it made her keep fighting. It was true. And seeing Kaidan like this…hurt. She wanted to protect him and every person in this galaxy. It didn't matter to her if they were turian, quarian, krogan, asari, salarian, batarians, vorcha, or human, she was in charge of making certain the Reapers were destroyed and she would do everything she physically could to insure that outcome.

"Stay with me, Kaidan. I need you in this. I need you with me if I am to do this." She whispered as she leaned forward and brushed her lips over his forehead. She hated to admit it, but she really did need him. He made the world feel right. Even though he might not ever forgive her for teaming up with Cerberus to take out the Collectors, she at least wanted to be his friend. She just wanted him in her life.


	23. Intoxication

****_I wrote this one a while ago for an Insanity round over on Livejournal. I wanted to edit it and maybe add to it, but after reading through again and doing some quick changes I decided that I liked it the way it was. This is Tali's chapter. EDI and Joker are next...I have their chapter finished and actually am quite pleased with it. I think I might have to try a Garrus chapter and then...Javik. With the new DLC out and another coming out I will have to write something for those too...especially some Shepard and Kaidan moments for those. Anyway, Enjoy! Once again thanks for the reviews, alerts and favorites! _

_Prism Elf  
_

**Intoxication**

Tali swiveled the straw in her glass. The blue liquid swirled hypnotically with purple and red spirals. She normally wasn't a drinker. Normally, she would shrug off her worries and soldiered forward...but something about Sanctuary had bothered her. Maybe it was Miranda...the Cerberus Cheerleader Bitch...had broken her ties with both Cerberus and her father. She had stopped running from both of the people in her life that she feared and stood up to them. Shepard had helped, but still...Miranda, perfect genetically enhanced ice queen Miranda had managed to do what Tali had not.

She had been able to step out of her father's shadow, keeh'la, she had even been able to but a bullet between the man's eyes.

Why was this sitting so poorly with her? While Tali had loved her father and in his own way her father had loved her...she was still living in his shadow. She was still living with the guilt that her father wasn't all he was cracked up to be. He had endangered the fleet and with his research her people had almost lost everything.

Tali growled. She slipped the straw into a little tube in her helmet and took a long pull of the intoxicating liquid. The flavors were pungent and refreshing in the same breath.

She gulped and her head felt lighter, dizzying in fact. Smacking her lips she took another sip. The affect was still the same light-headed reaction. A smile slipped onto her face. Whatever this drink was tasted gooood.

The weight of the world seemed to lift off her shoulders in those few moments. She stopped worrying about how to make everyone else happy and focused for once on herself. Her whole life had been devoted to making certain her people had everything. But now that they had their homeworld back...of course the Reapers were the main problem now, but Shepard would handle them...Shepard always handled the big stuff so well.

Shepard was amazing, she wished she could be more like her...unfortunately she was more like Miranda. Maybe, not as cold and closed off but when it came to ideas and duty they were in the same boat. Tali would fight and die for her people and Miranda had that same hard edge about her. Where death might fright both of them, it was still something she could see both of them doing...dying for the wrong cause or the wrong people.

She sighed and took another long pull. Too much thinking, drinking alone kinda of sucked. There was no one to talk too. At first it had seemed like a great idea, but now...it was just her and her gloomy thoughts. How depressing and pathetic. It was the end of the galactic civilization as everyone knew it and she was getting drunk alone. A giggle escaped her well-formed lips.

But who would she turn to? Shepard was busy doing, Shepardy stuff. Liara was being all secretive and high and mighty. Joker could take nothing seriously. EDI was...everywhere and that freaked her out more than she cared to admit. Kaidan was nice and they had an understanding about tech, but she was pretty certain he looked at her as no more than a kid. That left Javik and Garrus...Javik was fun to tease he was soooo high and mighty that his stoic demeanor and better than you attitude put Liara to shame. And Garrus...her cheeks grew warm at the thought. Garrus was pretty sweet and not bad looking for a turian. And his scar was sexy. She giggled again. So she had always had a thing for scars.

She took another sip. This drink was pretty tasty too. Another long sip. In a way everyone had someone, except maybe Garrus and Liara. Here it was the end of the known universe and everyone should be hooking up with someone, it was the reckless and desperate thing to do right? Reflecting on it she wondered if Liara and Garrus would make a good couple...She shook her head.

No, he was too reckless and he had an air of honor about him that Liara lacked. Liara was too prissy for Garrus. Tali knew Liara could get her hands dirty, but something about the doctor made her think; pretty, neat and organized prissy, not ewww, dirt prissy.

Tali chuckled. That didn't make any sense really, but that was the best way she could define it. Besides, everyone knew that Liara had it bad for Shepard.

Snorting, Tali took another sip her head was abuzz with chirping glittering thoughts. Shepard was spoken for by Major Kaidan Alenko. Good looking, sharp, dutiful, honorable, loyal, honest...and well, male, everything Liara would never be.

While Liara had her charm and sweetness, Shepard saw through that, Tali knew she did. That and in Shepard's eyes Kaidan was everything. Tali had seen on numerous occasions the way the two flirted and danced around each other. She mostly found it amusing. Their shared looks spoke volumes to each other. Their chemistry was natural, not faked or forced. Sometimes she found it hard to be in the same room with the two of them. They were both professional and considerate but there was always an air about them. They were old soldiers. They had each other's backs. Tali always felt like an outsider around them, just trying to squeeze her way into their fight. Nope, Liara hadn't a chance with Shepard with Kaidan on board the Normandy.

Poor Liara, she deserved someone...Javik seemed more her type. Holy...Javik! Tali sat up straight catching herself before she toppled from her stool. Javik spoke with Liara at length about his people and his society. She had always had a thing about the Protheans. It was prefect! Javik was about the only thing that could get Liara's mind off Shepard and the whole end of the world craziness that was going on. Clapping her hands together she made up her mind. She was going to drunk dial Javik.


	24. For Luck

_So here it is a Joker and EDI chapter...this was surprisingly fun to write, because EDI was a challenge to write. Her thought process is slowly becoming more human at this point so she still thinks like a machine and doesn't quite understand human behavior, but tries to emulate it. I hope Joker is snarky and slightly endearing at the same time. I could see him biting his tongue a few times with her just because he's trying to make a good impression. Anyway, thanks for the reviews, alerts and favorites. Javik's chapter is next...boy, is he a hard one to write, I do like him as a character, but darn he's tricky. Enjoy!_

_Prism Elf  
_

"**For Luck"**

EDI was confused. She was sitting in the cockpit of the Normandy, at least her pyshical body was located there, but her 'mind' was the entirety of the Normandy. She could hear the crew talking and the hum of the engines down in Engineering, she could see people moving about and the monitors of CIC, and she could feel the armor plating and shields hugging the Normandy's outer hull. She was the Normandy in every sense. Though parts of her, the parts that were free to think and act on their own programming, the parts that wanted to learn, sometimes conflicted with the make of her programming that wanted to…protect the ship at all cost. It was troubling and thrilling in the same sense. She had a purpose beyond carrying crewmembers from one destination to the next.

Glancing out of the corner of her 'physical' eye she saw Joker sipping at a cup of coffee. It was his second cup of the day. His eyes darted over the monitor in front of him and every once in a while he would make an adjustment to the screen by swiping his hand over the orange holographic touch screen.

She approve of the way Jeff handled the Normandy smoothly and effortlessly, like he was extension of the Normandy himself, much like she was. It was one of the reasons they seemed to get along so well, that and humor. But joking aside she was happy with course of her life and direction it seemed to be taking.

"Jeff, I have an inquiry." EDI stated her gazed remaining fixed on the pilot.

"Oh, really, is this going to be one of those questions that Shepard would be to answer. Because as much as love answering your questions she seems…" Joker started, but before he could really get going EDI shook her head.

"No, I believe only you can answer my question, unless you think Shepard would know the answer."

"Well, she is the commander and you know they are usually better equipped to handle random questions from unshackled AIs." Jeff replied taking another sip of his coffee. "Especially ones that are personal and moral dilemmas."

EDI shook her head. "No, Shepard is under a lot of stress. Her suit read outs as well as my own observations confirm as much. I would rather direct my question toward you."

Joker sighed his hands flitting effortlessly over the controls. "I know I'm going to regret this, but ask away."

"Do you believe we have a chance of surviving these next few hours?" EDI asked she sat back in her seat regarding him with just her physical eye.

"Shit, EDI," Jeff placed his coffee cup down and swiveled his chair to look at her directly. "Why are you asking this?"

"Because I'm confused and need clarification. Are we simply flying toward our destruction or we will be the salvation of the universe? Does Shepard really believe that we can truly stop the Reapers? Or she is simply saying what she thinks we need to hear?" EDI voiced in rapid tense voice. "I cannot wrap my thoughts around her thoughts and actions."

"You mean Shepard's thoughts and actions?" Jeff asked leaning forward slightly.

EDI nodded. "Correct, I wonder…"

Jeff raised his hand and waved away her next string of questions. "Look, why not ask her. She'd be the best person to tell you what is going through her own head."

EDI canted her head regarding him with an inquisitive look. "I told you, Shepard is under stress. My questions might only cause her more."

"If your questions cause her to go on a shooting spree, you'd only be the straw that broke the camel's back. Hell, if she does go crazy just get her next to an airlock and we'll space her. No problem." Jeff smirked, but EDI only canted her again.

"I do wish you wouldn't deflect me with humor. Or at least a poor attempt at it." She smiled and then crossed her arms pondering.

"Hell, we have a couple hours before we reach Cerberus headquarters. Trust me, Shepard could probably use the distraction." Jeff swiveled back toward his flight monitor, making another adjustment with the flick of a finger.

EDI shook her head. "I cannot."

"Sure you can, either buzz her over the intercom or go up and knock on her door. Last I checked she still has an open door policy." Jeff responded.

"No, Jeff, you don't understand. I would be intruding upon her and Kaidan." EDI said staring down at her monitors.

It wasn't as if she had not thought to go ask Shepard the questions herself, but Shepard was indisposed of at the moment. EDI did wonder though what it would be like to have someone that close…not physically…well, maybe that too…but mostly to have that emotional and mental connection that Shepard and Kaidan seemed to share. For two organics to be able read and feel as they seemed to do, it was intriguing and fascinating. It was something similar to what she felt with Jeff. Connected and drawn to each other almost as if by invisible wires or cables. In normal circumstances they were pleasant and friendly even bantered, but on the battlefield just like her and Joker flying the Normandy, their thoughts were meshed. They moved with an ease and knowing of the other person, never needing to speak, a simple look conveyed a thousand lasting words.

"Oh, yeah don't want to…interrupt them then." Jeff coughed and EDI noticed that his face flushed a lovely shade of red.

EDI smiled. "Jeff, your face is red."

"It's called blushing, EDI."

"Blushing, a sudden rush of blood flowing though the capillaries of human cheeks, usually brought upon by embarrassment, anger, cold or by a state of arousal." EDI continued smiling at him. His eyes narrowed slightly at her. "Which is causing your blushing?" she asked innocently.

"Shit, EDI, at this point all of it." Jeff said barking out a laugh.

"If you are cold I could fetch you a blanket."

Jeff laughed again and shook his head. "No need, Mom, but thanks."

"I hope you do not associate me to that of maternal figure." EDI offered.

"Trust me, I don't." Jeff muttered, but EDI's ears were everywhere and she caught the barely breathed words. She grinned to herself.

A peaceful silent enveloped the cockpit. After a few more minutes of pondering EDI turned to look at Jeff again.

"Jeff, you never answered my original question."

"Not this again." Joker moaned. "Which one?"

"Do you believe we will survive this?"

Joker sat back taking his hands away from the flight panel for a moment. He reached up and scrubbed a hand over his face before turning his chair fully around to face her. "Honestly, EDI," he began, "I don't know. I really don't know. We really are going to need a lot of luck to pull this off successfully."

"Luck? But luck has nothing to do with the odds being for or against us, Jeff."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Luck has everything to do with it. Look, EDI you can count numbers and play the odds out over and over in your head, but the one thing, that you, me, Shepard even, can't rule out is luck."

"But luck is not tangible it is not even finite. It is considered to be imaginary or superstitious at best. It is not to counted on." EDI replied coolly. She didn't understand. Luck was something indefinable. "I don't understand."

Jeff sighed again and laced his fingers together. "Okay, you understand hope right?"

EDI nodded, "Yes, hope is the idea that when all odds are against you, you still might be victorious. Example, Shepard brings hope to the galaxy in that she has united the races to stand together against the Reapers. Even though the numbers and odds are still in the Reapers favor, people believe she could see them to victory."

Jeff nodded and smiled. "Good, so think of luck as hope taking place. When Shepard wins a victory against the Reapers that was deemed impossible it took a good bit of luck for her to pull it off, right?"

EDI blinked and stared at her console processing the information Jeff was giving her. "So you are saying that luck is the physical manifestation of hope."

"Well, it's the best way I can think of to describe it."

"Then I believe I understand." EDI nodded and smiled. "I do, when looking through records of human history and the dependency on hope and luck it does correlate."

"Good, glad we could clear up that little road block. Wouldn't want you to forget to recycle the oxygen or something." Jeff smiled and turned back towards his own control panel.

Edi rolled his eyes. A particular little habit she had picked up from observing Jeff. "I only mentioned that once to Shepard and her reaction was quite amusing. But I do have another question, Jeff?"

"Really?" Jeff exhaled slowly and then took a deep breath. "Okay, lay it on me."

"Would you explain the human concept of 'kissing for luck'?" EDI grinned wickedly as Joker turned a most entertaining shade of red.


	25. Residue

_So here it is Javik's chapter...this chapter got away from me a little. I had fun playing with Javik's mind-set and his abilities. Kaidan seemed the most likely to try and talk to Javik and bring him into the crew...James would be next especially if Javik did start hanging around more. I'm thinking I might have another Shenko fluff moment after this one and then I think Garrus would be in order. Enjoy!  
_

_Prism Elf  
_

"**Residue"**

Javik washed his hands again. This was the seventh time in the past half hour he had done so. This ship was full of memories…good and bad. All he had done was walk out of his room and carelessly his fingers had brushed against the button to the elevator. Memories of terror and panic filled him. He couldn't breathe. His chest tightened. Yanking his hand away he gripped his chest. The flashes of memories, like images from a vid. Scrabbled and scattered the images and emotions flooded through him. Humans screaming and running from creatures…creatures that felt familiar, yet were altogether a new.

He closed his eyes trying desperately to separate himself from the memories, but the emotions were too high. The fear coursed throughout the ship like blood through veins. It was distasteful and disgusting but necessary process of life.

"Hey, are you alright?" A male human voiced. Javik righted himself, he hadn't realized he had even been slumped over. Opening his eyes he saw the human male that the female commander was bonded to. He watched Javik tentatively, searching for signs of something amiss. Javik nodded.

"I'm fine, human." He replied. Even though he had not experienced a memory like that in some time. He turned away heading back into his room. The human followed most like animal from which they evolved. Javik ignored him continuing to the pool of water that had been provided for him.

"Well, if I had to say so you look like you've seen a ghost." The human said. Javik sighed and placed his hands in the water.

_Seventh time in the past half hour._ He thought rubbing his hands together vigorously trying to pull the oily residue of fear and panic from his skin. "I am a ghost." He whispered.

"You don't have to be." The human crossed his arms and looked at him critically. "You could try to be more social. We really aren't that bad."

"Social? You do realize that the entirety of galactic civilization is being destroyed. How would being more inclined to socialize help us win the war against the Reapers? Will it give us an edge to this fight? Do you think it will stop them from wiping out your entire race?" Javik's nostrils flared. He was tired of the attitude from many of this ship's crew. He had once been like Commander Shepard…and look where that had landed him. In a future where the galactic races barely knew of the Great Empire. The memory of the terror and panic flooded his brain again. He scrubbed his hands again.

_Why can't I be rid of it?_ He growled to himself.

The human frowned at him. He could feel the displeasure of his sharp words running through the human's body. Tense muscles around the eyes and jaw, his fist clenched a slight flicker of dark energy, yet he released all of it in a matter of seconds, the human relaxed and met his eye. "You aren't alone in this anymore." He said and then chuckled. "No wonder you and Shepard get along so well, you're both stubborn and focused to a fault."

Javik blinked removing his hands from the water. This human was laughing at him. "You speak ill of your commanding officer and your mate."

The human looked at the ground a faint blush creeping into his cheeks though he shook his head and laughed again. "You know I wouldn't say that to her, you know about being my 'mate'. And I don't speak ill about her, it's one of the things I love about her." His eyes darkened as he raised his head to stare at Javik.

Javik cocked his head to the side watching the human carefully he was no fool, this human was dangerous.

"But make no mistake, I know what this war is doing to her. It's slowly killing her. I want the Reapers destroyed as much as the next human or alien, but I also realize that stressing yourselves out about something you have no control over will ultimately destroy you." He paused and sighed. "We 'socialize' so that we have a chance to let ourselves forget to worry, or forget the lives that are being lost that we can't do anything about right at the moment. I can never forget the people I left back on Earth. And neither can Shepard. And for all the hours I've spent fighting and bleeding to help everyone I think I've earned the right to a few minutes of forgetting. Because when you think about I'll live the rest of my life, which could be very short depending on how a firefight goes, remembering." The human closed his eyes briefly as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I didn't mean to get all preachy."

Javik shook his head. "Pretty words, human, but they can't help us. The Reapers don't listen to words, or care about your regrets, fears, or dead. They care only about the destruction of your race. But, I see your point." Javik wrung his hands together. "This ship is full of memories, some pleasant and some not. It is a blessing and a curse to able to see all of them. To feel all of them. The autocracies suffered by my people at the hands of the Reapers, but I can't. And I won't."

The human nodded. "I don't think it would be right for you to do so."

Javik blinked and turned away from the human looking down into the reflective surface of the water. Memories swirled on the surface like an oily residue lost and forgotten. "I had a ship like this once." Javik started without releasing what he was saying. He had made the mistake before of telling the female commander about his crew and ship. Now, he was repeating that mistake again.

"Shepard mentioned something to me about that, though she didn't say what had happened to it or you." He walked around to lean up against the computer console on Javik's right.

"Good. My mistakes are not to be repeated. Your commander has a chance that I had not thought possible. She may have the capability of defeating the Reapers. She does not need to burden herself with frivolous and unnecessary things."

The human male bristled at his words. Javik noticed a suppressed surge of dark energy again. The human controlled his emotions fairly well. "What you are saying is that Shepard shouldn't have attachments."

"Precisely. Attachments distract her from her mission from her goal."

"Yet they give her something to fight for.

"Or die for." Javik paused turning his head calmly. "Your commander has died once before, saving those she deemed important. Do you believe she would not make the same mistakes again? Would she not die to protect those she cares for? You, who are bonded to her, would she not die to protect you? Her life could be the difference between the Reapers winning or losing this war. This cycle of destruction being stopped or continuing. She would risk it all for the sake of a few lives is regrettable."

"Regrettable? Huh…I don't think you know Shepard very well then." The human shook his head and chuckled. "Shepard knows the odds and she knows that at this point anyone and I mean anyone on this ship would willing give their lives if it meant stopping the Reapers for good. I'm a soldier, Javik, I know the chances of surviving this are low. It doesn't bother me. What bothers me is the thought of Shepard having to do this alone. I wouldn't wish that on anybody."

"You speak as if you know what it's like to be the last of a people who were eradicated by the Reapers." Javik snapped his patience with this human was running thin.

"No, but I do know what it feels like to be lonely, even isolated. It's not a pleasant experience. Look, all I'm saying is that if you want to join the rest of us for dinner or even a game of cards you would be welcome." He offered. Javik sensed the underlying sincerity to his gesture. He really did not care, but the human would want to hear that the thought was appreciated. Sighing he looked away from the him.

"It is appreciated, I will consider your offer."

The human nodded and pushed himself away from the computer console. "You're welcome." He started out the door as the door opened automatically he paused and glanced back over his shoulder a look of contemplation crossing his face. Javik waited.

"Yes, human?"

"I meant what I said earlier you and Shepard are very similar. It's almost uncanny." He chuckled. "I don't know if the galaxy could handle the two of you. The Reapers certainly won't be able to." With that he left. Javik canted his head and wondered after the strange human. He was different. Under different times Javik might have considered being friends with the soldier, but now…he had learned that lesson long ago, he would never become attached again. He refused to look into the eyes of his friends and comrades as he slit their throats and watched them die. He would not go through that again. Shepard risked too much. But she would learn. Javik felt a wave of sadness pass over him at the thought. A part of him hoped it would never come to pass.


	26. The Father Type

_So this isn't my Garrus chapter, but it just seemed right to have Garrus as a part of this chapter...this is a two part chapter, as that the combine chapter was going over 2,000 words. The second part will be up soon just have to finish it. I'm still trying to decide if I like this chapter or not, but the idea just wouldn't leave me alone. So, I wrote it out, funny because I've written a brief piece about Shepard's father being that this Shepard has a Spacer background...I might include it later on. Anyway, thank you for the reviews, favorites, and alerts! I'm so glad to see that everyone is enjoying the story. Enjoy!_

_Prism Elf  
_

"**The Father Type"**

"So Jacob's going to be a father?" Garrus asked his mandibles twitching slightly. Shepard took it as a sign of him smiling.

"Yep, sure sounds that way." Shepard smiled over the rim of her coffee cup. "He seemed pretty excited about it."

"I bet so, though I never really pictured him as the father type. You know he always had that soldiering quality to him. Makes it hard to picture him as a father." Garrus said lacing his fingers together on top of the table.

The mess hall was quiet and it was late. Most of the crew had taken shore leave at the Citadel enjoying what could possibly be their last shore leave ever. She and Jacob had caught up at Purgatory where they had met James, Joker, Tali, Garrus and EDI for drinks. It had been a good distraction with only one person really missing from the group. Her, Garrus and Tali had come back to the Normandy together about an hour ago. Tali more than a little drunk had stumbled off to the cot down in Engineering. Garrus had said he would help her. But she had waved him off.

Shepard eyed the contents of her mug. The warm brown liquid sloshing around in the mug did nothing to ease her worry or frustration, but it did help with keeping away hangovers…or at least it use. She frowned. Hangovers didn't seem to happen anymore. So coffee wasn't really necessary, but she still enjoyed it.

"Garrus, aren't turians all soldier types?" Shepard asked taking a sip of her drink.

Garrus chuckled. "Yeah, and you've seen how messed up we are." Shepard choked setting her mug down she covered her mouth in an attempt to not shoot coffee from her mouth. Garrus laughed catching himself on the edge of the table before he slipped out of his chair.

After a few moments Shepard managed to get herself under control. Maybe she was a little tipsy, but then so was Garrus. A silence over took them as their laughter subsided.

"You ever thought about it, Shepard." Garrus spoke up, his voice quiet and suddenly serious.

"Thought about what?"

"I don't know. Life after the Reapers? When all this is said and done…have you ever thought about leaving the Alliance, having a quiet normal life?" Garrus asked his bright eyes focusing on hers.

Shepard raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips. She regarded Garrus for a breath. Did she ever think about after the Reapers? She did she knew she did…but when was the last time she had done that? Tonight shortly after Jacob had told her, he was going to be a father. She had thought about what life might be like after the war was over.

"I have." She whispered back.

"Well, what do you see yourself doing? I mean quiet normal life, or are you with the Alliance until the end?" Garrus inquired leaning forward slightly, if she didn't know any better she would the turian was coming across as eager.

"I could see myself retiring, maybe traveling, you know actually visiting some of the places I've been too besides to just complete a mission." Shepard replied wrapping her fingers around her mug.

"What about family? You're still young what about a family?"

Shepard blew out a breath and leaned back in her chair. "I don't know about that."

"Why not?" Garrus' eyes twinkled with amused and maybe a bit of mischievousness. "Haven't you and Kaidan talked about your future?"

Shepard felt heat rising to her cheeks. "No, we haven't."

"Why not?"

"Aren't you the nosy turian tonight?" Shepard shot back. She released her cup crossing her arms over her chest. "Have you and Tali talked about this kind of stuff?"

Garrus' eyes widened and it was his turn to sit back and regard her. His mandibles flared briefly . "Tali and I aren't…we're just friends, Shepard."

Shepard smiled wickedly. "Huh, friends, right." She winked at him as his mandibles wiggled a few more times as if he was trying to figure out what to say. "You two flirt an awful lot for just friends."

"I don't know what you are talking about." Garrus retorted without much conviction. "But back to my original question. You and Kaidan haven't talked what happens after the war is over. Why?"

Shepard sighed. "You aren't going to let this go are you?"

"You going to stop thinking Tali and I are more than friends?"

Shepard shook her head. "Nope."

"Then answer the question, Shepard."

Sighing again Shepard leaned her head back to stare up at the ceiling. The silver wiring and piping stared back at her with projections of her own bright green eyes. "I haven't thought about it, because…I don't want too. I mean there is the high probability that one of us won't survive this war. I don't want to think about the future we might have had…or start planning for something that can never be. I don't let myself dwell on it either."

"So you haven't even considered the possibility…"

"Of a family?" Shepard chuckled. "No, not until Jacob said he was going to be starting one. That's why Kaidan and I have never discussed."

"Hmm…speaking of Major Alenko where was he tonight? I would have thought he would have joined us?" Garrus asked suddenly changing the topic of conversation.

_Maybe, he was getting the hint that I haven't actually thought about it._ Shepard thought as she replied. "He begged off. Said he wasn't feeling well."

"He has a migraine you mean." Garrus crossed his arms over his chest and also stared up at the ceiling. "Let me guess he told you to go out anyway."

"Yep."

"And you listened to him, because you didn't want him worrying over you while he was in pain."

"Bingo." Shepard smiled. "You're pretty good at this."

Garrus laughed and shrugged. "It's like I worked for C-Sec or something…wait I did."

Shepard snorted. She was comfortable around Garrus he was like the brother she never had. It surprised her how much she enjoyed his company. Simple yet, relaxed. Kaidan was probably one of the few people who could put her completely at ease, but Garrus ran a close second.

"Hey, Shepard, give my regards to the Major. I'm going to go try and catch some sleep." Garrus stood up and waved her away as he ambled toward the main gun and sleeper pods. She shook her head. She couldn't understand why the turian seemed to enjoy sleeping in those tight spaces. But Garrus seemed to prefer them over a cot. She had offered to get him a sleeping cot for the main gun room, but he had said he would just hijack one of the sleeper pods as his own.

Shepard smiled after him and stood up herself. She really did want to check on Kaidan, but she also didn't want to disturb him if he was asleep. She also knew that he was in the observation deck because of his headache. She had told him multiple times that he could stay in her private quarters when she wasn't around especially when he had headaches, but he had refused saying the lights from her fish tank bothered him and made his headaches worst.

She walked over to the sink and dumped her coffee. Rinsing it out, she placed it back in its cupboard closing the door. She paused staring at the cupboard for a moment before opening it back up and taking out some instant herbal tea. Grabbing two mugs down she filled them with water and heated them up. While she waited for the water, Shepard snagged the box of peanut butter cookies she had stashed back behind some of the power energy bars and protein shake tubs. Once the water was ready, she carried her tea, mugs and cookies toward the observation deck.


	27. The Father Type II

_so this is the second part of the last chapter...yeah almost 2,000 words, but I think I like how this chapter turned out. Anyway, in the middle of a hurricane right at the moment, so will try and get a jump start on the next few chapters. Enjoy and happy reading! Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites._

_Prism Elf  
_

"**The Father Type II"**

She didn't bother to knock, the door opened on its own with a quiet swoosh. The room was dark except for the stars twinkling through the open window. Her eyes took a moment to adjust to the darkness as she stepped into the room. Glancing around she saw a dark form stretched out on the sofa across from the window. She smiled even in the dark she could see that Kaidan's arm was tossed across his face. She didn't hesitate to walk over to his prone form. She sat the two mugs of streaming water, tea bags and cookies quietly down on the table in front of the sofa. She glanced at him a few times while she set about preparing the tea to see if he showed any signs of stirring. She wasn't exactly certain if he was a wake or not. His breath was deep, but measurable. And she had never known him to sleep with his arm over his face.

Her chest contracted as the tea sat brewing and she turned to stare at him. She hated it when he had headaches. His headaches were something she couldn't fix…couldn't fight. She could only make him comfortable and give him his space. But in the end she was helpless against them and that was what truly bothered her. She hated feeling helpless especially when someone she cared for was hurting.

"Did you have fun?" His voice was soft and quiet making her jump. She had expected him to speak at all.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" She asked in return sitting on the floor with her back up against the sofa.

"Head feels like I just bashed it against a krogan's, but it's manageable." He replied.

Shepard chuckled as she heard him shift and his fingers gently grazed the back of her neck. There was a tiny prickle of electricity from the touch and then it was gone. Goosebumps jumped across her skin. "Do you want some tea? I brought some of that herbal stuff you have stocked in the kitchen."

"Yeah, sure,"

Shepard leaned forward and grabbed a mug from the table. She turned as Kaidan slowly pulled himself up into a sitting position.

"Shit." He hissed letting his head fall back to rest against the sofa. Shepard flinched pushing herself up. She sat down next to him handing him the steaming mug when he reached for it. Their fingers brushed together as Kaidan took it from her. She shivered as again she felt the discharge of penned up dark energy strike softly against her skin.

"Thank you." He whispered.

"It's no problem." And it really wasn't minus the fact of her feeling utterly useless in these situations. Ask her to help broker a deal between krogans and turians or the quarians and geth, sure no problem, but ask her to help levitate Kaidan's headache…no go. Tea, cookies and space…what had she been thinking? Maybe she should have just left him be?

_I would be a horrible mother._ She thought suddenly. She stiffened. Where had that thought come from? She knew where it had come from, but she hadn't wanted to think it.

Straightening a little Kaidan took a sip of his tea. "You never answered my question." He said winching only slightly.

Shepard shook her head trying to dislodge the strange thought. "Yes, it's was fun. It would have been better if you were there." She turned to face him, smiling brightly.

Kaidan exhaled and took another sip of tea. "Yeah, except migraines, flashing lights and heart pounding music don't usually play well together." He quipped lightly.

Shepard continued smiling as she propped up an elbow on the back of the sofa. She reached out and ran her fingers gently through his hair. "I know, though you did miss Garrus trying to dance…and he makes fun of me."

Kaidan chuckled and then flinched. "God, I hate this. You know I would have rather been out with you tonight instead of nursing a headache."

Shepard lost her smile. Leaning forward she plucked the mug from his hands and set it back on the table. "I know." She replied, continuing to run her fingers through his hair.

Kaidan's arm snaked out and wrapped around her waist pulling her snuggly against him. Her hand glided down to rest on his cheek as he turned to face her. His dark eyes were intense on her face. "I'm glad you stopped by though." He whispered his warm breath stirring the wisps of hair that had come loose from her regulation bun.

She shook her head. "Feeling better, Major?" She asked as a smirk lit upon her lips. Kaidan closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers. Shepard closed her eyes too, enjoying the sensation of his nearness.

"Maybe a little," Kaidan said opening his eyes he leaned back against the sofa pulling her with him. Shepard let her hand slip down his cheek and onto his chest. She placed her head on his shoulder cuddling against him. Resting his cheek on top of her head, his fingers glided smoothly over the skin of her arm. Shepard could have stayed there forever just sitting in silence soaking up his body's warmth. Yet, her mind was uneasy.

_Stupid Garrus,_ she thought darkly. _If he hadn't mentioned anything I could have just shrugged it off._ She and Kaidan hadn't talked about a future or even discussed what they had wanted after the Reapers. She hadn't wanted think it about. Thinking about their future was painful…_What if he wants something different? What if_…too many what ifs. She didn't like so many unknown factors. Yet, the curiosity gnawed at her gut making her stomach twist unpleasantly.

Shepard took a deep breath inhaling Kaidan's scent, spicy with a dash of natural musk that was just enough to be desirable. "Kaidan, have you thought about what you want to do after the Reapers?" She voiced softly.

Kaidan exhaled. "You know I haven't thought about it." He grunted his body twitching with the noise. "I don't know, Shepard. I really don't know. After Mars and everything that's happened since…I can't think about it."

Shepard shifted slightly and Kaidan raised his head from hers. She looked up into his soft brown eyes. "You haven't. I would have thought after everything you would have thought about." She replied.

"No, I've tried focusing more on the present. Though I am curious as to why you want to know." A smile tugged at the corner of his full lips. Shepard rose up a little to plant a soft kiss to his lips.

"Jacob told me tonight that he was going to be a father. And it got me thinking about…ugh, it's so stupid, you know don't worry about it. I'm sorry," She started as she sat up fully pushing herself away from him though his arm still remained firmly around her waist. "It's not right of me to ask you this right now. I should be…" Why was she bringing this up? She shook her head.

"Shepard," Kaidan said stopping her tirade. She turned to look at him. A hopefulness glistened in his eyes. "You want to know if I see you in my future? Then yes, I want you in my life…I like having you there. It feels right. We feel right. If we have a future together…then we'll find out." He reached out his hand to let the back of his fingers grazed her cheek.

"I want the same." Shepard replied instantly and then she sighed, "It's just strange thinking about life continuing on during this war. I mean, it gives Jacob a reason to keep fighting, hell, it even gives Brin a reason to keep going. I don't know if I want that someday or not. Does that make sense?" She the unasked question hanging in the air. It was a question she wasn't certain how to ask much less bring up into a conversation…she had never had anyone before now that had made her question what she wanted.

"You don't know if you want a family? Shepard, is that what you are asking me?" When she didn't respond right away, Kaidan took a deep breath and blew it out quickly. He retracted his free hand from her face and scrubbed it over his own. "Wow, okay," He closed his eyes squeezing them tightly for a brief second before opening them again.

"I don't know. See, right now really isn't the time to discuss this. Your head hurts and I think I've had one too many shots of whiskey." She reached out and grabbed the second mug of streaming tea. Blowing on it she took a tentative sip. The hot liquid wasn't as strong as her coffee, but it was oddly refreshing and relaxing. "I even told Garrus I wasn't certain, ugh, I just need to go to bed." She started to stand up, but Kaidan's arm around her waist stopped her.

"Shepard, stop. First of all why are you so inclined to not discuss this with me? And secondly you discussed this with Garrus?"

Shepard exhaled sharply and slumped back against Kaidan's chest in defeat. "Yes, Garrus grilled me about it, but I told him I didn't know what I wanted. And well, I haven't thought about it because I don't want to get my hopes up. Kaidan, if we're honest about this…there's a good chance one of us won't survive. I can't think about what-could've-beens. And I don't want you to dwell on them either. Like you said whatever happens, happens."

"But I can see that this is bothering you or you wouldn't have brought it up." Kaidan stated pressing his lips gently to her forehead. "I don't know. A family is something that I have thought about, though I don't see that happening for a long time. And it would matter on the person I see myself with too. If she didn't want to have kids or couldn't then…" Shepard felt him smile. It was weird, but she also felt slightly relieved. She didn't know why she had even thought that Kaidan would want something else.

"A practical answer, Major." She teased tilting her head back so their faces were scant centimeters apart. "Though I will admit I think you would make an excellent father."

"Huh, I don't know about that…but thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Anytime, Major." Shepard grinned as they closed the distance between their lips.


	28. Scars and Sparks

"**Scars and Sparks"**

Palaven was burning that much was certain. Garrus watched the vids for a moment, before shutting them off. He couldn't stand it. But he knew the work he was doing here on the Normandy was important. He knew that helping Shepard stop the Reapers was a good thing. But…a large part of him wanted to be there fighting with his people. Soon Shepard would figure something out. The krogan were eating out of her now that she had cured the genophage. He was already getting reports of ships off loading krogan ground troops on Palaven's surface. He just hoped that the krogan would be enough.

Stepping back from the vid viewer he turned to look at the main gun of the Normandy. He had done most of the calibrations for the day. The gun had been severely off when he had come aboard the ship, now he did a daily calibration check to keep her in working order. Sighing, his mandibles flared as he looked over the console. He had already finished his calibrations.

"Yo, Scars, you there?" James Vega's voice chirped over the intercom.

"I'm here, Vega, what do you need?" Garrus asked placing his hands on either side of the vid viewer.

"The Major and I are trying to round up some poker players. You in?"

"Who else do you have besides Kaidan?" Kaidan was a decent player, but he had his tells. James was really good. He would have liked someone that he could possibly beat.

"Haven't asked anyone else but the Major and you. So you in or what?"

Garrus scratched the back of his neck. "I don't, Vega, between you and Kaidan last time, you wiped me clean of credits."

"Ah, it was all in good fun, Scars…but I'm planning on invite Joker and maybe the Commander."

Garrus flinched. Joker was a horrible poker player. Kaidan and James had taken the liberally of teaching the pilot a few tricks, but he had just never caught onto the game. He would join them everyone once in a while. Garrus did have to admire Joker's determination in coming back to the game even after he had lost so many times. It was the idea of playing against Shepard that made him hesitate. He had never poker against her. He imagined she was good. Kaidan said she was. It might be worth it just to watch Shepard play.

"Alright you get Shepard and Joker there then I'm in." Garrus replied. His mandibles twitched.

"Then I'll see what I can do, Scars. Hey, you want to see if Sparks is up for a game too?" James asked.

Garrus cocked his head to the side. "Uh, Vega, I'm not quite up to date with all your nicknames for the crew."

"The quarian. You know cause she likes machines and technology. She's always moving. So, Sparks."

Garrus brow furrowed. "You mean Tali?"

"Uh, yeah, Sparks." James replied sounding a little confused.

"I didn't know she played."

"She doesn't, but the way I figured it is we should at least invite her. You know try and get to know her."

"You know with the mask and suit she will be hard to read right." Garrus responded. He had thought about asking her before, the idea that she did wear the helmet and mask would make her very hard to read indeed.

"So a challenge. I like a challenge. Bring her if you can."

"Since when did you start planning social hour?" Garrus quipped. He could also see the Lieutenant shrug.

"Since everyone started getting too worked up and tense. Just be lucky I haven't started a sparring circle yet…now that would be fun."

Garrus pondered that for a moment. "You know, I would be down with that, Vega. Sparring is one of the ways turian relieve tension before a battle."

James laughed. "I like the way your turians think. Maybe I'll arrange it for next time. Do you think the Commander would go for it?"

Garrus thought about it for a moment. "She might. It couldn't hurt to ask her."

"Good then I'll ask her while we're playing tonight. Thanks, Scars."

"Not a problem, Vega."

James hung up then and Garrus waited a few moments before deciding that he rather ask Tali in person. He hadn't seen the quarian in a while as she usually was down in Engineering with Donnelly, Adams and Daniels.

Garrus left the Main Gun and headed toward the elevator.

The ride to Engineering was quiet. As the doors opened he stepped to see the Battlespace reporter heading down the hallway toward him. He could never remember her name. It wasn't like he watched the show…though he did know some turians who did. He had watched Shepard's interviews and even some of Admiral Hackett's question and answer sessions. But other than that he didn't care about the show.

She didn't stop him as he turned the corner to head into the engine room. As the door swooshed open he heard the tail end of a conversation between the engineers and the quarian.

"We could lower our stealth system emissions even more if we used these dampers instead." Tali said typing something into her omni-tool. Adams, Daniel and Donnelly all had their omni-tool open and were standing in a circle in the middle of the room.

"Those dampers are unstable." Donnelly added typing something into his tool. "Now these are better."

"But the emissions are still not masked very well. We need something that can mask our emissions each more when travelling at FTL speeds." Tali replied annoyance brimming in the quarian's voice.

Garrus cleared his throat. All four heads swiveled in his direction. "Sorry, to interrupt, but I'd like to speak with Tali for a moment." The three human engineers glanced at one another and then shrugged.

"Certainly, we'll just go run some numbers on fuel…"

"Kenneth, nobody cares." Gabby said pushing Donnelly over to their computer.

Adams chuckled and turned back to his own computer. Garrus crossed his arms a walked out of the room feeling suddenly uncomfortable in the presence of the three humans. Tali shut off her omni-tool and followed him.

"What is it, Vakarian?" Tali asked as the doors to Engineering compartment slid shut.

"I wanted to invite you to a poker game." Garrus replied suddenly feeling very awkward in front of the quarian. Her glowing eyes moved up and down roving over him in an appraising fashion. He felt vulnerable to her gaze.

"Poker game, huh…never played before though I guess I could learn." Tali said crossing her arms. "Though in truth, Vakarian, you could have just called me over the intercom I would have answered."

Garrus nodded. "Yeah, I could've, but then I wanted to see you in person. You've been pretty busy down here in lately. You haven't even been eating dinner in the Mess Hall."

"Were you worried about me, Vakarian?" Tali purred her voice echoing through her suit's microphone system.

Garrus' mandibles flared and canted his head slightly. "Worried you were working yourself to death? Sure, but I've missed our dinner talks. It's been one side sitting there by myself."

Tali uncrossed her arms and placed a hand on her hip. "Wait, you've been sitting at dinner by yourself?"

Garrus looked away from her. "Well, Shepard there sometimes and so is Vega and Kaidan, but it's not the same."

Tali regarded him for a moment before her glowing eyes narrowed slightly. "Are you flirting with me, Vakarian?"

Garrus shrugged and his mandibles twitched slightly, the turian's equivalent of a smile. "I can be if you want me too."

Tali laughed and shook her head with amusement. "I could get used to it." She purred again. His heart sped up. And he coughed to cover up the sudden embarrassment.

"So, are you then for the game then?' Garrus asked changing the subject.

Tali tapped a finger to the chin of helmet, looking away from him. "I could use with a break and something to eat. How about we get something to eat and then head over." She recommended.

Garrus nodded and offered his arm to the quarian. She giggled and took it. "Couldn't have said it better myself." As they headed toward the elevator he looked at the quarian. "Do you know Vega's nickname for you?" He asked curious to see if Vega had bothered to tell her.

"James has a nickname for me. I don't know whether to feel honored or not." Tali replied as they waited.

Garrus chuckled. "Mine's Scars." Tali looked at him her eyes narrowed again.

"That seems unimaginative." She said eyeing his face.

"Yeah, well, we are talking about James Vega."

"I don't know I've heard some of his stories. He can quite out there when he wants to."

The elevator's doors opened and they stepped onto. Garrus pushed the third deck button the doors shut and they began to rise. "So do you want to know?"

Tali sighed and looked at the ground. "Go ahead, might as well get it over with."

"Sparks." Garrus chuckle of amusement filled the elevator.

"Sparks?" Tali released his arm and tapped a finger to the edge of helmet again. "Sparks…hmm…I think I like that."

* * *

**Thank you all for the reviews, favorites and alerts! I'm so glad so many people have enjoyed this story...I loved writing this chapter. Not only did I get to write Vega's character again, Garrus and Tali as well. For some reason I really want to write the poker game after this...it could be fun. I will say that I will a chapter set after the Leviathan DLC and I will have some more Shenko fluff...there was another chapter idea floating around in there, but I can't remember right now. Anyway thanks again for reading!  
**

**Prism Elf  
**

**PS I'm participating in Nation Novel Writing Month so updates might not be as regular because of that. Sorry, but my novel has been wanting to get out of my head for a while and now I have the drive and focus to get it down. : )  
**


	29. Glass Illusion

"**Glass Illusion"**

She was cold. Ice cold. Her core body temperature frighteningly below normal. Kaidan ran his omni-tool over her again checking for any other severe damage. Her pulse was weak and slowing. Blood dripped from her nose. He scanned her again.

"Is she going to be alright?" Lt. Vega asked he was crouched on the other side of her. Worry filled his eyes as Kaidan glanced up briefly from his task.

"She's freeze." He replied trying to keep the worry reflected in James eyes out of his voice. _Shepard._ Fear knotted in his chest. Breathing became hard. He stared down at her trying to focus on the readouts of his omni-tool, but his thoughts were too many and too scattered. He wanted to reach down and cradle her to him. Never to let her go again.

"She's bleeding." James commented nodding toward her nose.

"I know." Kaidan's brow furrowed as he looked at the readouts on his omni-tool. Her breathing was even slow. "We have to get her back to the Normandy so Dr. Chakawas can have a look at her."

James nodded and started to reach for her. "Doc, will be able to fix her." He mumbled. "Can't we do anything to help her until then? Medi-gel or something?"

"I don't think…" Kaidan started.

Shepard's eyes shot open and she started coughing,

"Holy Shit!' James cursed jumping up from his crouch as Shepard scurried away from them both.

Fear etched on her face. She pushed herself up against the seats of the shuttle as far as she could. Her eyes were wide and frightened like a wild animal. Coughs wracked her lithe frame. Her biotics flared and sputtered out, only to flare again for another brief moment. She waved her arms keeping both James and Kaidan at arms-length.

"I'm okay, I'm alright." She gasped out into between spasms. Whether she was seeking to confirm her condition with them or herself, Kaidan wasn't certain.

Kaidan chest constricted as he raised his hands to try and take hers. Shepard shook her head harshly and winched as she did. "I'm fine." She stated after a few seconds wiping a hand under her nose smearing the blood there. "I'm fine." She repeated this time with a bit more conviction.

Kaidan closed down his omni-tool and crawled over to her. She wasn't waving her arms around but she shook uncontrollably. Her teeth chattered. She pulled her knees up toward her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Kaidan sat next her. He let his shoulder touch hers. He looked at her for a moment taking in her freezing cold body; banged up armor, damp hair and blood smeared face. She was leaning her head back against the seat of the chairs her eyes closed.

_What had it all been for? It had better been worth it._ He thought darkly as his fingers twitched to reach out and caress Shepard's cheek and tell her it was going to be alright. He wouldn't do that at least not in front of James. Instead he just let his shoulder touch her it was as close as dared at the moment given her reaction upon waking as well. "Don't do that again." He whispered gently. Shepard opened her eyes and stared at him a moment, before smiling.

"Trust me I don't plan on it." She shuddered and closed her eyes leaning her head back again. Kaidan eyed her warily, but didn't move. He didn't like it not one bit. What had she learned? His curiosity was peeked, but he was also worried. His basic scans hadn't picked up anything unusual in Shepard's vitals. Besides her core temperature was below average…way below. He would just have to sit and be patient. Dr. Chakawas could take a look at her more thoroughly first. Top priority was to make certain Shepard was okay then he would question her on what the hell happened while she was gone.

* * *

Kaidan's eyes flickered over the three separate piles of datapads stacked up on Shepard's desk. Her personal computer blinked its green eye at him, notifying Shepard that she had unread messages. The sound of water bouncing off metal floated to his ears.

"Shower." He mumbled to himself. The unbidden thought of Shepard naked peeked into his mind. His heart hammered as he remembered that night almost three years ago. That night had meant everything to him. Seeing the famous and celebrated Commander Shepard so human and vulnerable, made him feel human too. Not a freak, but a human. A normal man. Though Shepard was far from a normal woman, she still humbled him without judging him. She didn't pity him or berate him, but valued his opinion and trusted him. He had worked hard to get where he was in his life and in the Alliance. But that night…he would have thrown it all away. Just for that brief interlude of time where it was just him and Shepard.

For a couple of hours they had been the only two people in the universe. Saren, Sovereign, the geth, the Alliance none of it had mattered. Kaidan hadn't experienced those feelings of belonging…since he couldn't remember when. BaAT in the beginning had made the kids feel like freaks and outcasts. Trash their parents hadn't wanted. And in that unity of conformant he had found a sense of belonging with his fellow BaAT members. But all of that had been an illusion. Glass shattered on the floor with his first kill. A kill he had committed in hatred and anger, not out of a sense of duty, protection or survival, but simple white hot rage.

Kaidan closed his eyes and willed himself to forget those awful memories of his past. It was done. Over with there was nothing he could do about it now. He had to concentrate on the present and the future. He bowed his head and counted.

_One, two, three…_

Shepard's fish tank bubbled softly as oxygen was filtered through the water. Each pocket of air its own universe and filled with a vast clear nothingness that was essential to life.

Opening his eyes Kaidan stared at the datapad clenched in his hands. The pitter-patter of water clunking on metal in the bathroom had stopped. The words of his Spectre report ran together. His mind refused to crunch the numbers and meaning of the words.

"Kaidan?" Shepard's voice sounded in his ears. He turned slightly, catching sight of Shepard as she exited the bathroom. Heat crept into his cheeks and shot down his torso to his toes. She had wrapped herself in a simple cotton white robe. Her hair hung damp and straight just pass her shoulder blades. Kaidan swallowed the lump rising in his throat. This was the most ordinary he had ever seen Shepard. And he liked it.

"Ah, I…uh…seem to catch you at a bad time…I'll just," Shepard's lips quirked into that little knowing smile of hers. Kaidan's heart raced. He swallowed again brazenly letting his eyes linger on her robed figure. Lean, fit, yet distinctively feminine. He still couldn't believe that she was real.

She laughed and turned away toward her dresser. "Well, it's not great timing for business talk, but anything for you." She threw him a wink as she descended the three steps down to her sleeping area.

Kaidan chuckled and averted his eyes back down to the datapad in his hand.

"I actually just wanted you to look over this Spectre report before I submitted it to the Council for review." He sighed and walked over to the desk placing the datapad on the stack of reports nearest him. "But, I really just wanted to see you. Wanted to see how you were feeling?"

Shepard sighed and pulled out of her drawer a pair of sweats and a hooded sweatshirt. "I'm fine, Kaidan, really. I am. Doc, even says that I'm going to be fine. No permanent damage. Just a headache from hell and chills. All of which will disappear."

Kaidan nodded and joined her below. He stood at the base of the stairs waiting and watching. He crossed his arms. "So, care to explain exactly what happened down there? Or should I just keep guessing." His voice sounded harsher than he meant it to. He was angry and worried and frustrated most all of it stemmed to Shepard. He knew it was part of her job to take risk it was both their jobs…they were soldiers, but this hadn't been a risk…this had been insanity. Shepard had taken most if not all the risk and for what? He loved her. He wasn't going to lose her again…she wasn't going to die if he could keep her from it.

Shepard closed her eyes pausing in pulling out her clothes. "You're upset."

"Damn right, I'm upset, Shepard!" He snapped keeping his voice low. "You almost died…again. Didn't you think for a moment what kind of repercussions that could have? Not just on the galaxy or this war, but to me. Look, I know we take risks its part of the job. I get that, I don't like, but I get it. This seemed unusually risky and bold even for you." He paused waiting to see if she would answer, but she didn't. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You seemed desperate. Ever since Thessia…"

Shepard slammed the drawer shut and spun to face him. "Damn right I'm desperate, Kaidan! I can't sleep, I can barely eat. The galaxy thinks I'm going to win this war for them. That I'm their savior. I don't have the Catalyst information, Cerberus does. I don't even know if the Crucible will work. I'm desperate for a way to stop the Reapers. So I don't care what I have to do as long as I find some way to stop them. If that means diving to the bottom of all water planet in a rickety mech to speak with an ancient alien species. Then I will."

Her eyes were bright with anger. Her face was flushed with the heat of it too. Kaidan felt himself drawn to her all over again. "Shepard," He breathed "I don't want to fight. I just want to understand that you didn't suffer for nothing down there." She shook her head and started to turn away from him.

"I don't know." She replied. He reached out and gently grabbed her arm. Tugging lightly he pulled her to him. Kaidan wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed her body against his.

She still felt cold. Not as bad as before but still cool to the touch. "You're cold." He whispered bring a hand up to cup her cheek, he ran his thumb along her lips. Her breath was warm and sweet.

She nodded and closed her eyes leaning into his hand. "Can't seem to shake it either." She seemed to be savoring the warmth he was radiating.

He sighed, his heart constricting again with the realization she was still in pain. He took his hand away from her face and wrapped it back around her waist. Her head came to rest on his shoulder and her exhale of contentment puffed against his throat. "You're really warm." She mumbled her eyes drifting closed. Even standing she somehow managed to snuggle against him with both hands pressed against his chest.

"You should probably get some sleep." He replied letting his cheek settle on top of her head.

"Hmm, can't reports." Shepard muzzled his neck as she tried to burrow closer to him.

He ran one of his hands up her back wanting to rub away some of the cold her body seemed to be generating. "It can wait." He said. She opened her eyes moving her head just enough that Kaidan had to realign his. He looked down to meet her eyes. Her bright green eyes reflected his and his breath hitched. Her brown hair framed her strong beautiful face, tired or not Shepard was pretty, but her eyes…her eyes showed an inner strength and beauty that the surface could never begin to reflect. "Shepard," he whispered lowering his lips to hers. She needed to sleep and relax. At that moment he knew two things for certain; he could make Shepard forget her reports for a while and two…he knew of great way to warm her up.

* * *

**So a little Shenko fluff...I loved the Leviathan DLC and I can't wait for the Omega DLC. I can't believe I'm still writing on this and my NaNoWrite story. But, Mass Effect actually helps me unwind a little after writing for several hours on the other story. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews. I still plan on a poker game with most of the main cast...it would be interesting to see. Thanks for all the reviews, alerts, favorites and what-nots for this story it has been so much fun to write!**

**Prism Elf  
**


	30. The Gang's All Here

_Hello dear readers! So I'm back! Yay! NanoWri is over and I finished. It's one of the reason it took so long to get into writing. I finished a novel! I still can't believe it. And I'd like to say that it is not utter crap, but well...revisions, revisions, revisions. I was able to play Mass Effect for a little while the other day. It was great to play a video game again. Anywho, this chapter was fun to write and loooong. Once I started writing I couldn't stop. I have a few other chapters that need some work and more added to them that I will hopefully be posting this week. But for now here it is...Chapter 30!_

_PE  
_

"**The Gang's All Here"**

Shepard stood just outside the lounge doors. Music drifted from the other side of the doors. Faint guitar with a soft rhythm and drum beat, nothing with too much bass. She was uncertain about joining the others in a poker game, it was more that she was tired. She hadn't sleep well the pass few nights. Her dreams the main source of her duress. Her guilt over leaving Earth behind manifested in her nightmares. She knew there was nothing she could do. Seeing the boy, she had watched playing outside her window only minutes before killed by the Reapers as she escaped safely, tortured her. She was alive and he was not. She had been given a second chance at life and he would not. Earth was counting on her. Millions of lives at stake, a poker game seemed pointless compared to that, but she had promised to meet James and Kaidan for a game before trying to get some sleep.

She had seen the looks they had been shooting her way since Thessia. Kaidan had comforted her, but he was also giving her some space, which she appreciated. James had taken a page from Kaidan's book it seemed. Besides Kaidan he was one of the few who didn't ask if she was alright. The truth was, no, no she wasn't. She was pissed. A deep anger boiled in the back of her mind. She could feel its tendrils twisting and forming around her thoughts. She wanted Kai Leng and she wanted him dead. She had never truly wanted someone dead before. Even Saren she hadn't wanted dead. Hell, in the end she and tried to talk him down. But Kai Leng, he was a dead man. If she didn't get him, one of her crew would.

"Hey, Lola, you plannin' on staying outside the door all night or you comin' in?" James said cutting through her thoughts. She flinched despite her best effort not to.

The music was louder, but not by much and she could now hear voices. Kaidan's soft baritone laugh mixed with Tali's twill and Garrus' gruff tones. Shepard blinked at James.

"You said it was only a few of us." She stated entering the lounge. Glancing around, she saw that just about everyone was here. Tali, James, Garrus, Kaidan, Liara, Dr. Chakawas, EDI, Traynor and Cortez were all present. Most of them were standing in small groups clustered together talking in excited voices. All of them had drinks in their hands.

"Well, a few are here, Lola." James grinned and gestured. "But, we decided to make it a Poker Party instead of a Poker Game." He winked and motioned for her to follow him over to the bar. Everyone she passed nodded, smiled or waved at her. She tried to the smile back, but her heart wasn't exactly in it. She had a nagging feeling in the back of her head that something strange was going on.

James walked around the bar and grabbed out two glasses and a red bottle of liquor. Shepard stepped up to the bar just as he finished pouring. He slid one in her direction. She raised an eyebrow at him as he recapped the bottle and took his glass.

"What?" He asked raising the glass to his lips he took a sip.

"What exactly is all of this, Vega?" She asked twisting the glass in her hands.

"What's it look like, Lola?" James raised an eyebrow as he took another drink.

Shepard stared at him and then sighed tracing her thumb along the rim of her drink. The song that was playing ended and another one started in the same style but not quite the same beat.

"Come on, Lola, it didn't start out this way just kinda of happened, you know. I invited Scars to join us and he in turn invited Sparks. Major talked to Doc and Blue into joining us. And well, EDI I think was just curiousity about the game in general. Oh, I invited Esteban by accident and he invited Tweaks."

"Who?"

"Uhhh..hmm…" he pointed to Traynor, "she works with the comm systems and stuff like that. Lab tech, pretty, smart and likes girls. Tweaks."

"Uh-huh, you mean, Traynor?"

He nodded and took another sip. "Yeah, Tweaks. Anyway, the gang's just about all here. Just waiting on Joker."

"Joker?"

"Yeah, he said he would show up once we were through the next relay." Shepard twitched. Two relay jumps and they were to Scantuary following Kai Leng's breadcrumb trail. Joker would be making the jump through the first mass relay here very soon. She fingered the top of her glass again. The contents were tempting and maybe they would help sleep, but her stomach churned at the thought of drinking anything. She looked down at the red fiery liquid. Red…like blood. Suddenly she didn't want to drink it at all. Maybe she was losing it. All the stress must be starting to mess with her mind.

"Commander, you feeling okay?" Shepard's head shot up and she glared at James. He sat his glass down and shook his head pointing to her drink. "You haven't touched your drink."

Shepard looked down again. Sighing she twisted the glass in her hands again. "No, just not thirsty." She forced a smile. She hoped it seemed genuine. She didn't want to disappoint him. Not at a time like this. She needed morale high and if it meant acting like she was beating through this then she would grin until her cheeks hurt. But she was tired. She couldn't ignore that. Eventually her exhaustion would catch up to her.

"Good, for a moment there you looked a little green around the gills." He picked up his drink and walked back around the bar. "I'm going to make certain everything is set up. Man, this is going to be killer, though you know, Scars wanted me to ask if we could set up a sparring ring in the armory. You know, a place to blow off steam and anxiety before a fight or something."

"You two want to start up a turian sparring ring?" Shepard asked shifting on her stool.

Vega smiled and nodded. "Yeah, you know about those?" Shepard nodded.

"Garrus told me about them on our mission to take down the Collectors. He said it was 'stress relief'." James chuckled and shook his head.

"Hell, of a way to relief stress." He continued walking not waiting to hear her response. Shepard watched him for a moment before turning back to her drink. She looked down at it again as if willing it to disappear. More laughter and pieces of conversation drifted over to her ears.

"See I'm telling you the Logic Arrest is still the best model out there."

"And I think you're just nostalgic. The Nexus has the best operating systems for multiple appilcations. As I clearly told you before, if you want a tool that can function properly under stress and multitask without the lag, then you want a Nexus."

"My tool has no problem running…"

"Okay, just for the record here we are still talking about omni-tools, correct?"

"So I heard that Javik is not what you expected him to be?"

"Yes, I did not expect Protheans to be so cold hearted and warlike."

"Well, what did you expect a peaceful and dutiful society of wise old scholars.?"

"Uhhh…yes? I did not know. Everything from my research points to the fact _they _could have been or should have been benevolent."

"Dear, I hate to tell you this, but most likely the cultures that looked upon the Protheans as gods wanted them to appear benevolent especially if they thought it would anger their _gods._ Think about it, human culture is the classic example. People use to make willing sacrifices to have their hearts cut out thinking that it could appease their 'gods' of the day."

"I guess you could be right."

"Couldn't you run a few hundred programs or something to figure out how to play poker, EDI? I mean it does seem to be the best way for you to understand the game."

"Correct, Specialist Traynor, but I would not have the experience of seeing a game played in real life. It is more the interaction with others that I'm looking forward to studying. I do not intend to play, but merely watch the reactions of the players."

"What are you watching for?"

"To see if I can spot any 'tells'."

"Tells? You mean like a twitchy left eye when someone's lying?"

"Yes,"

"Why in the world would you want to study that?"

"Jeff was curious about my capabilities."

"No, Mr. Vega, I'm not going to spar with you. Even if Shepard gives you permission to erect your little fight club."

"Ah, Esteban, why not? It'd be a great chance to keep in shape and I get to see you in action."

"Please, Mr. Vega, you just want what you think will be an easy opponent."

"Why I think? Esteban, you would be an easy opponent."

"Think what you will, Mr. Vega, but you aren't going to sucker me into a match with you. I know how many pull-ups and sit-ups you do in a day."

"Oh, so you do notice?"

"Mr. Vega, it would take a dead person not to notice. You make a show of it."

"Hey," A warm hand slipped across her lower back, a slight shock of static sparked through her at the contact. She smiled, a little grin that drifted into his bright eyes as Kaidan stepped up to stand next to her. Her smile was at least real when it came to him. He grinned back and canted his head toward her drink. "Not feeling it, huh?"

She shook her head. "Not really, no." She pushed the drink away. His hand slipped away from her then though he still stood close enough she could feel his breath tugging gently on her hair. He eyed her warily.

"You know, there's enough people wanting to play that we could…skip out." He winked at her and she chuckled at his flirtation. It was endearing and she found it refreshing.

"Maybe, but I think Vega wanted to try and butter me up a little to let him and Garrus start up a sparring arena in the armory." Shepard shifted to look over her shoulder at the people gathered in the lounge. Garrus and Tali were standing near the windows huddled close talking much like Shepard and Kaidan were hunched together. She smiled and felt a warmth blossom in her chest. They were cute together. Chakawas and Liara sat on the sofa sipping out of brandy glasses both nodding as they responded to each other's prompts. Traynor and EDI watched James and Cortez set up the poker table. Her eyes flickered back to Kaidan who was watching her.

"Vega and Garrus want a sparring ring? Well, that could certainly prove interesting."

"Garrus says it's the way turians relieve stress before battle." Shepard laughed at the remembrance of the rest of Garrus' tale. Of his conquest of his sparring partner. Kaidan's brow rose at her outburst of laughter. She waved a hand in front of her face dislodging the flashes of memory. "I'll tell you later."

The door to the room opened and Joker hobbled in. EDI moved toward him to offer assist if he wanted it, but Joker refused smiling at her though as she showed him over to the poker table.

"Well, I guess it's too late for you to back out now, Joker would never let you live it down." He stared at her seriously for a moment. "But Shepard if you really don't want to be here, they'll understand." He reached up a hand and placed it on top of hers squeezing it reassuringly.

Shepard stared at their joined hands for a breath before reluctantly pulling hers away. "I'm fine, Kaidan. Besides it's like you said, Joker would never let me live it down."

They walked over to the table were the rest of the group was gathering. Garrus sat down and Tali next to him, Joker was across from them with EDI standing behind him observing. James sat next to Joker leaving room for Cortez, then Traynor and Chakawas to his left. Two spots were left open on Joker's right. Kaidan pulled out Shepard's chair and she shot him a flirtatious smile as she sat. He winked at her and then sat next to Joker.

Joker rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay we get you two are _close_. Now, Kaidan, you do realize that if I don't win at least twice I'm going to think your giving me bad advice."

"Hey, you can't blame me if you suck at playing."

"Oh well, then someone should have told me that before I started taking help from you."

Shepard raised an eyebrow at Joker and then Kaidan who just shook his head. "I've been helping him with his game strategy."

"Jeff, you are aware that this game is not entirely on luck, there is amount of skill…there is even a mathematical equation that can be used to know what cards you are going to get." EDI chimed in.

Everyone abruptly stopped speaking and stared at the AI. Even Joker looked shocked. Shepard cleared her throat. "Huh, EDI? That's cheating."

"Yeah, sorry, but you can't do that. It's called counting cards. It's illegal in game play. Big guys like Vega get really upset and start smashing stuff, mostly, the cheater's face with his fist when you do that." Joker followed up.

EDI canted her head and regarded everyone present. "I do not understand. The system is all about equations and theories. Everyone plays as if it is based on chance, yet it is not. It is probability."

Traynor snorted a laugh covering her lips with a hand. Garrus and Tali shared a pointed look. Kaidan coughed stifling his own laughter, just as James sighed and crossed his massive arms over his chest. Looking as if he really was ready to smash someone in the face. "Hey, we aren't breaking this down to math. I hate math. We're just playing the game." James started shuffling the cards. While everyone else tossed their opening bids into the middle of the table.

"Then I will just observe the playing of the game." EDI stated placing her hands behind her back. James nodded and Joker looked relieved. Kaidan caught Shepard's eye and leaned toward her.

"Though Joker could use the advantage." He whispered, Shepard chuckled.

"I heard that," Joker replied his eyes narrowing.

"Hey, hey, let's not pick on the new guys…or girls." James smirked as he offered Joker to cut the deck. Joker did and James reshuffled. "Game is Texas Hold'em first round explanation to those who have no idea what I'm talkin about. Second round, we play for creds."

Shepard watched her eyes focusing on everyone round her. They smiled and laughed as they played. Joker feinted anger at his loses though truly it was more humorous than seriousness. He blamed Kaidan and Kaidan shook his head laughing. Shepard smiled throughout the game. After a while she found she didn't have to pretend, to be happy. Because at some point surrounded by her friends she found herself laughing and smiling in genuine. She wasn't certain when the transformation had happened but it had.

For a couple of hours everyone was at peace. There was no talk of Reapers, war, Earth, Pavalan, Rannoch, Thessia or Cereberus. She, Garrus, Tali, Joker and Chakawas did tell stories about some of the Normandy's form crew members from Ash to Thane. All the stories though were happy or silly times, nothing sad or forlorn crossed the room. But in the back of her mind, Shepard still had that nagging little voice that said this was only a brief respite. _This could be the last time we are all together._ She looked around the table. If Thessia had taught her anything it was that in nothing last forever.

Kaidan's hand found her knee under the table. A little spark of electrical current zapped both of them causing Shepard to shiver in more than surprise. He squeezed knee reassuringly and she turned her head to look at him. He leaned toward her a little. "You need a break?" He whispered.

Shepard glanced at James who was shuffling the cards again getting ready to deal. She shook her head and smiled. "Not yet, but soon. Right now I want to enjoy this moment, this time we have all together."

Kaidan smiled back, but kept is hand on her knee for the rest of the night.


	31. Change of the Heart

****_Hello, thanks for the favorites, reviews and follows. Switching gears here for a moment. I was playing Mass Effect with my second play-through character and realized that I really wonder what Kaidan's reaction was to seeing EDI in her new mech body. So this chapter was born. Hopefully you will enjoy!  
_

_PE  
_

**"Change of the Heart"**

Kaidan didn't have much with him as he boarded the Normandy. A toothbrush, a shower kit with razor, soap, gel and tooth paste, an extra pair of socks and underwear, his armor and weapons and the clothes on his back that was all he carried when he boarded the Normandy after the Cerberus coup attempt on the Citadel.

He still couldn't believe it. A part from being a member of the crew again on the Normandy, he was having problems wrapping his brain around the idea of what had happened on the Citadel. His job as a Spectre had been to protect the Council, he had done that or so he thought.

_I should have seen what Udina was about._ He chided himself. Shepard had told him he had acted with integrity, but he still didn't fully believe it. Kaidan looked down at hands clenched tightly around the straps to a case which carried his armor and weapons. He had seen the look in Shepard's eye when she lowered her weapons. She had wanted him to believe in her, to trust her again. Her bright green eyes had pleaded with him to see what she was seeing to understand that it was still her. She was working on her own not as a Cerberus puppet. Her gun was lowered but Garrus' and Lieutenant Vega's weapons had been trained on Udina and him. For a moment he had thought that one of them would have shot him if he hadn't consented to Shepard's trust.

_And they would have been completely justified._ He sighed as he walked into the CIC. Alliance crewmen milled about moving to and from their work stations. Kaidan didn't hesitate hitching his shoulder bag a little higher he moved through the CIC to the elevator at the far end of the room. A pretty brown skinned woman raised an eyebrow at him as he passed her station. He nodded slightly in her direction as he pressed the button for the armory on the elevator's holo pad.

"You must be Major Alenko." A woman's slight accented voice asked from behind him. Turning partially he saw the tan woman grinning prettily at him.

He nodded eying her. Slim, pretty, but no soldier. _Lab Technician._ She saluted him quickly. "I'm Comm. Specialist Samantha Traynor, sir, if there is anything you need assistance with…hmmm…Commander Shepard asked me to see that you were fully situated. If you need anything, just let me know, sir." She smiled bashfully at the end of her little speech. Kaidan nodded.

"Its alright, I think I remember where everything is. Armory's down below, crew quarters two up from that." Specialist Traynor nodded back at him.

"Well, if there is anything you need at all. Just let me know."

Kaidan smiled. "I'll do that."

"Commander Shepard stated that the Observation Deck on the crew quarters might be to your liking." Traynor said quickly. Kaidan looked over his shoulder at her and raised an eyebrow. Traynor stared back at him without flinching. He would give her that. She might only be a lab tech but she had some balls. "The commander suggested that you liked places that weren't overly loud or bright. The Observation is quiet and the lighting is low key."

Of course Shepard would try and make him comfortable. He should have known. He smiled at the idea that she already had a place picked out for him on her ship. It was a comforting little thought. "Thank you." He said to Traynor.

Traynor blinked and nodded turning back to her console. The elevator doors slid open and Kaidan stepped into the gray metal box and pressed the button for the armory.

A few minutes later the doors opened to reveal a vast open area that housed to Kodiaks, lockers and work benches. Guns of every shape and size were piled onto most of the work benches. Thermal clips, stocks, barrels, scopes and just about any accessory gun related were present. Kaidan let out a low appreciative whistle. A man about Kaidan height with slightly darker skin and short buzzed brown hair stepped from around the side of one of the Kodiaks. His omni-tool was open and he was typing away furiously at it.

"Ah, come on, Esteban, you know there's no harm right? It could be fun." A large man followed the other. Kaidan recognized Lt. Vega almost immediately. Vega was not a person easily forgotten.

"Mr. Vega, stop harassing me about going to Purgatory with you. I have no desire to watch you drink yourself into a stupor." The man raised a hand before Vega could continue. "And before you ask I'm not going down to the Docks to play poker with you either. So don't ask."

Vega crossed his arms and mock pouted. Kaidan was slightly bewildered by their strange exchange. The two had to be friends. "Man, you ruin all the fun."

"Stop pestering me, Mr. Vega. I have actual work to do. Shepard wants me to get locker space ready for Major Alenko." Esteban typed something into his omni tool. "Locker B-43 should be free." He mumbled.

"Major Alenko? Wasn't that the guy who was with us on Mars?" Vega asked uncrossing his arms.

Esteban sighed and glanced over his shoulder at Vega. "Yes, Mr. Vega. Your memory for people is impressive. He's also the second human Spectre. Show try to show some respect for a superior officer."

Kaidan cleared his throat and both men stopped walking and looked at him. For their part their eyes widened slightly as surprise flickered across their features. "Major?" Esteban snapped to attention and then quickly he elbowed Vega in the stomach to do the same. Kaidan waved his hand.

"At ease." Vega's eyes narrowed at him as he seemed to be studying Kaidan.

"Wait a minute, you're the guy from the Citadel." Vega stated stepping up to stand directly in front of Kaidan. He looked down at him and Kaidan had to look up to meet Vega's gaze. "You're the one who shot Udina."

Kaidan flinched at the bluntness of Vega's statement.

"What?" Esteban asked sounding very surprised and somewhat abashed. "Mr. Vega, please, don't…"

"Wait a minute, Esteban," Vega continued to study him and Kaidan stared right back. He felt like he was being assessed for some reason. Tension was building along Vega's shoulders.

"You served with Shepard on the first Normandy." Vega stated again completely uncaring that the man standing before him _was_ a superior officer. "You know she was pretty upset over you getting hurt on Mars." Kaidan didn't rise to the bait. He could feel that somehow Vega was looking for something from him. What it was he couldn't tell.

"And I can see that you didn't head back to Earth." Kaidan said trying to keep his voice even.

"Nope," Vega rolled his shoulders finally looking at away from him. "You really came back to the Normandy because you believe it's the best place for you? Or is there some other reason you're here?"

"Mr. Vega!" Esteban snapped and Vega looked over his shoulders throwing a wink in Esteban's direction.

"See your problem is, Esteban, you're too tense." Vega laughed and uncrossed his arms clapping Kaidan on the shoulder. "Sorry, Major."

Kaidan shook his head, glaring at the lieutenant for his sudden mood change. "That's not the way to address a superior officer, Lt. Vega." Kaidan stated still keeping his voice neutral. Vega started to turn away from him.

Vega directed his attention back toward Kaidan. "Yeah, well, I'm no good with the whole formalities thing. Just ask Commander Shepard. But it is good to see you again, Major. At least this time were not pointing guns at each others heads. Maybe next time you stop by we can dance a little. That's if the Major is up for it." He turned away from Kaidan headed back over to a workbench covered with gun parts. Kaidan stared after him for a moment. His mind raced with the possibly of reaching out with his biotics and pulling Vega toward him for a quick lecture on protocol, but he pushed the thought aside. These were Shepard's people. He didn't want to get on her bad side the moment he stepped back on the Normandy. That and he did have a certain respect for the lieutenant even if he seemed to be a pain in the ass.

Esteban cleared his throat. "I apologize for Mr. Vega's extraordinarily rude behavior." He raised his voice on the last three words just so Vega could hear.

Kaidan shook his head. "No need. I can understand where he is coming from." _Even if I do want to throttle him._ Kaidan thought darkly. But he also could understand where Vega was coming from. For the briefest of seconds, Vega had his gun trained on him. There was a high probability that Vega would have shot him, if Shepard could not have. Vega would have been following orders, even if Shepard couldn't have followed through with her own orders she would have picked people who could have. James Vega seemed like the guy to get the job done, no matter the consequences. He would live with them. In that regard Vega could be a very dangerous man.

"You're locker is over here, sir." Esteban pointed to a grouping of lockers that were situated along the left hand wall of the armory. "It should be big enough to house your armor and weapons." Kaidan nodded and thanked him as they walked over the lockers.

"Wow, these lockers are bigger than the ones on the old Normandy." Kaidan said out loud. He had only a few minutes to wander the around the new Normandy before they stepped foot on Mars and his world had changed. He had stayed the entire time down in the armory he had needed to find armor that fit and weapons too. But now he had some free time. He thought he would explore, get a feel for the new and improved Normandy.

"I can have your weapons cleaned for you, Major." Esteban said pointing to his workbench behind them on the far right wall. "I'll also the requisitions officer, so if you need anything just let me know and I'll to get it for you."

"Thanks," Kaidan offered the man a hand to shake. Esteban looked at the offered hand and eyed him dubiously.

"It's true that you're a L2 biotic, sir?" Esteban asked.

Kaidan nodded and lowered his hand. "Is there something wrong with that?"

Esteban's eyes widened at the implication in Kaidan's voice. "No, sir, it's just…hmm…I don't want to get shocked."

Kaidan looked at his hands. They weren't covered. And neither were Esteban's. Kaidan ran a hand over his face. He was getting tired it had been a long day. One that had ended better than it had originally promised. "Sorry, most people don't even think about the discharge."

Esteban shrugged "It's no big deal, just I've gotten use to Shepard coming down here and I think she forgets. I don't have anything against biotics, sir." He grinned. "I just try to avoid the shocking part is all."

Kaidan chuckled. "I'll try to remember that, Est…"

"Steven Cortez, sir. Only Mr. Vega refuses to call me by my given name." Cortez smiled. "I'm also Commander Shepard's shuttle pilot. So I have a feeling we will be seeing a lot of each other, Major."

Kaidan nodded and smiled back. "Well, it was good to meet you, Cortez."

"Likewise." He walked away typing something out on his omni-tool once more. Kaidan placed his extra gear in the locker and walked over to the workbench Cortez had pointed out with his case of armor and weapons. He slid the case onto the workbench. Which was surprisingly clean and tidy, unclipping the case he started to take out his armor and weapons, "Oh, Major, you can just leave them there I will take care of them once I'm finished fixing the thruster on this Kodiak." Kaidan started to protest then stopped at a look from Cortez who was eying him from behind one of the console's located in the armory.

"Alright," He stepped away from the equipment and back toward the elevator. Pressing the button he waited for the doors to open.

"Yo, Major," Vega's slightly accented voice called out. Kaidan placed a hand on the door keeping the elevator door propped open.

"Yes, Lt. Vega?" He called back though the big man was nowhere in sight.

Vega's head popped from around a stack of shipping crates. "You play cards?"

Kaidan blinked at him. "I've been known to."

Vega nodded. "Good," Was all he said as he disappeared once more behind the crates. Kaidan let the door slide closed.

_Well, that was interesting._ He mused as pressed the button for the crew quarters. He wanted to scout out possible sleeping arrangements and get an idea of where the Observation Deck was located. If Shepard had recommended it then it was at least worth checking out. Besides he needed something to eat he was starting to get hungry. Thankfully he hadn't expended too much biotic abilities during the fight with Cerberus, but it had been a while sense he had eaten anything. He had also heard that Dr. Chakawas was back on board the Normandy. He wanted to stop by and chat with her as well. He could see himself liking his stay on the Normandy.

_Maybe, Shepard and I could actually talk about everything that's happened. _He swallowed the lump forming in his throat at the unspoken words between them. Were they good? Or were they just friends now? The possibility of being just friends stabbed into his chest like a knife. He would be her friend if friendship was what she wanted, but he hoped she still wanted him like he wanted her.

_She wouldn't have pulled the trigger._ He blinked as the thought crossed his mind. The idea had been nagging at the back of his mind for some time now. Even after he had asked Shepard if she would have, a tickle of doubt had crept into his mind. Her look when he had asked. Had her hands shook like his had? He had wanted to lower the gun not quite able to do so just in case Udina's words rang true. What if she had never stopped working for Cerberus? He hated himself for thinking those thoughts even as he reached into his mind. The Shepard he saw on Mars had been trying to assuage his doubts. Her light hearted banter in the hospital when she had visited him, he had even heard she had visited him while he was unconscious. The memory of her touch and her lips on his, the feel of her hand in his surfaced quickly and quietly those memories refused to be silenced this time. His heart fluttered everything time she looked his way. He shouldn't feel this way, there was war and death. The Reapers were destroying Earth even as he was safe aboard the Normandy they were killing people by the thousands back home.

The doors opened and Kaidan started out of the elevator on auto pilot absorbed by his thoughts. It wasn't until he heard the distinctive feminine voice of the ship's AI right in front of him that he pulled up short.

"Hello, Major Alenko."

Kaidan's eyes widened as he took in the mech standing in front of him. "Holy shit!" First of all it was definitely a 'she' and second she was the mech that had tried to kill him on Mars. Still on auto pilot Kaidan's biotics flared to life around him. The buzz of dark energy filled the air around him.

"Major, I assure you that I am not who you think I am."

"Why the hell are you in _that _body?" He growled all he had to do was raise his hand. His fingers twitched and he reached instinctively for a weapon that was normally attached to his hip. His fingers clutched air.

"I am the Normandy's artificial intelligence program that is in control of the cybernetic warfare suites. The crew refer to me as EDI which is a shortened version of enhanced defense intelligence. My…" EDI intoned but Kaidan cut her off with a sigh. He dropped his barrier and the hold on his biotics.

"EDI, I'm aware of who you are, though we haven't been properly introduced." He ran a hair through his hair and purposefully darted his eyes away from her ample metal chest.

"I was not aware that you knew I was an AI." EDI stated sounding genuinely confused.

"Well, I had my suspensions, before we alighted on Mars. I didn't get a chance to question Shepard about it further. But none of that explains what you are doing in that body." Kaidan said crossing his arms. Now he stared at her. She had cleaned the metal up, it didn't have pieces of latex and artificial skin clinging to it. Dare to say she had even had it polished in certain areas the metal shining silver and black.

"I was attacked by this units own intelligence. I had to meld with it in order to render the unit inoperable. So it could not take over the Normandy computer systems. It attempted to release a virus into our systems. I stopped it." EDI said her tone remaining very neutral, but not cold or uncaring. Kaidan noted that the AI was trying to sound like someone giving a report rather than a play by play. She probably could too. Knowing the way AI's memories worked more like a camera which weren't impaired by emotions.

"Okay, so you took over the body, but aren't you still part of the ship as well?" Kaidan asked his brow furrowing in thought. "Unless of course you are, but prefer to see what it is like walking around in a 'living' form."

EDI nodded. "It was has been interesting observing several of the crew approaching this platform. Even though they can talk to me anywhere on the ship at any time, they will purposefully seek this unit out to talk to me. I can also move outside of the Normandy too. Which has increased the range of my cybernetic warfare suite."

"That's useful." Kaidan replied.

EDI nodded again. "In truth I wanted to make certain that you knew were everything is. Shepard sent a message to the entire crew letting them know that you were coming on board and that we were to make you comfortable."

"Of course, she would do that." Kaidan muttered. "Alright, EDI, where's the Observation Deck?"

"Back behind me. Through the doors. Men's restroom is on the left and the crew quarters are on the right."

Kaidan nodded. "Thanks." He walked past her to the doors and they slid open at his approach.

The room was open with white sofas that overlooked a massive window open to the stars. The lighting was dim and the room felt comfortable and quiet. There was a book shelf along the right hand walk with books aligned on it. A reading chair and table stood in front of the bookcase.

_This is prefect._ Quiet, relaxing and comfortable. Kaidan could seeing himself falling asleep in the reading chair or even stretched out on the sofa. He could drift asleep watching the stars speed by.

"Do you like it then, Major?" EDI asked from behind him. He nodded.

"There was nothing like this on the old Normandy." He whispered walking up to the window and staring into the vast void of space. "It's alright if I make myself comfortable here?"

EDI nodded. "No one really comes in anymore. I think Shepard and Samara were the only two to ever use this room."

"Samara?" Kaidan asked.

"She was an asari justicar who helped Shepard defeat the Collectors. Asari justicars are known for their spiritual resolve and service to their Code." EDI canted her head to the side. "She was a very dutiful being."

"Huh." Kaidan pondered what that meant coming from an AI. "Shepard and her spent time together?"

EDI nodded again. "Shepard seemed to take some comfort from the justicar's presence. Samara helped Shepard find some peace with her return to life."

Kaidan turned to look at EDI his eyes wide. "I still can't believe that. Shepard was really dead?"

EDI shrugged. "By all accounts she was, yes. But Cerberus did not keep such files on the Normandy and they are most likely kept at the Illusive Man's base of operations. He would never kept something as expensive or important on the Normandy."

Kaidan sighed and turned back toward the window. He reached up and placed a hand on the cool glass. "It's too strange to think about. Like something out of a dream." He whispered while out loud he said. "Thank you for your help, EDI. But I think I'm going to get some rest and then explore the rest of the ship on my own."

"As you wish, Major. If you need anything just let me know."

Kaidan nodded as she left the room. "Will do." Then he flopped himself down on one of the sofas and closed his eyes. For some reason he suddenly felt very tired.

He was a sleep within minutes.


	32. Shepard's Father

_Hello readers! Anyway, this actually started as a prompt over on the mass effect livejournal community. It was very short in the beginning, but then I thought about it. And my main Shepard (which is who this story follows) has a Spacer background. Where the heck was her father? So I thought about it and wondered what it would be like for Kaidan to meet Shepard's father. So this chapter was born. It might be AU slightly sense it doesn't happen in game, but I liked the thought. the characters for Shepard and Kaidan were tricky for this...especially over the idea that Shepard's dad can be very unrelenting to say the least. So yeah, hopefully Kaidan stayed in character enough for everyone. Enjoy reading and thanks for the reviews and favorites!_

_PE  
_

"**Shepard's Father"**

Shepard sat back in her chair reading over the datapad one more time. She blinked. He would pick a time like this to want to catch up. Shepard tossed the datapad down and pinched the bridge of her nose. She was in the middle of debates with the krogan and turians over shipping arrangements for once their fleets left for Earth. The quarians and geth were cooperating with each other for the moment, but that could change at the drop of a hat. Sighing she rolled her shoulders and thought about her childhood. She had been raised on ships, though mostly she stayed with her mother, her father had pulled himself away from his work long enough to spend time with them whenever her mother's ship was close by.

She could still remember the last time she had seen him. It was almost four years ago right before she had been assigned to the Normandy. They had met briefly for drinks. Shepard opened her eyes and frowned. It had been a very brief visit. They had disagreed on her idea of joining the Alliance. He had wanted her to go to school. Her father had wanted to see her and check to see if she was planning on leaving the Alliance anytime soon. That was it. It didn't matter to him, if she was an Alliance hero. Especially after the Skyillian Blitz...he just didn't want to see his girl in any dangerous situations. He had a hard time believing that she was all grown up.

"Get a degree, Vai. That's the way to go. Don't let those recruiters sweet talk you into anything." She still remembered his words on the day she told him, she had joined up with the Alliance. He had been furious, even threatened to disown her. "I lost your mother to her damn career! I don't want to lose you too."

The doors to her cabin opened and Shepard turned in her chair to face whoever was entering.

"Kaidan." Shepard smiled and stood up stretching her arms above her head.

Kaidan smiled back at her. "You ready to go?"

"There's been a slight change of plan." She lowered her arms and looked him in the eye. Kaidan raised an eyebrow at her but didn't say anything, he just waited patiently. "My father has come to visit."

Kaidan's eyes widened and for a moment he looked like an innocent little kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar.

"Your father?"

Shepard stifled a laugh. "Yeah, good old Dad." She said with an eye roll. "Haven't seen him in four years and he decided now would be a great time to catch up."

Kaidan shook his head. "I knew your mother served in the Alliance," A look of sadness darkened his eyes. "Met her briefly after the first Normandy was destroyed."

Shepard walked up to where she stood just a couple inches away from him their noses just scant inches apart. "I'm sorry, Kaidan." She breathed not wanting to see him in pain, especially pain that she had caused.

He shook his head. "It's nothing, you're here now, and that's all that matters." He caught her around the waist and pulled her close against him. She buried her face into his shoulder, secretly loving the way he smelled.

"So rain check, on dinner then?" Shepard asked lifting her head slightly to judge his reaction.

A little glint of mischievousness twinkled in his dark eyes.

"I don't know, Shepard. I'm pretty hungry. I think I could stomach meeting your father with dinner."

Shepard groaned and put her head back on his shoulder. "Very well, Kaidan, but it's your funeral."

* * *

Shepard hesitated on the foot of the stairs leading down into the café. There he was sitting with his back to them. His dark brown hair peppered through with gray was shaggier than she remembered.

"Is that him?" Kaidan asked placing a steady hand on her lower back.

"Yes," Shepard breathed, she squared her shoulders and caught Kaidan's eye. "Let's get this over with."

"You and your father really don't get along?" He asked as they started forward.

Shepard sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "No, it's not that…it's complicated. Dad's not a fan of the Alliance."

"Ah, so even though you're an Alliance hero,"

"I'm the poster child for an 'organization' he can't stand." Shepard wrinkled her nose. "Though he used to be part of the same 'organization``` ."

Kaidan paused and Shepard turned slightly to see what had caused him to stop. "Your father was Alliance as well."

Shepard nodded. "Yes, he was a medical doctor, served a board three ships and on ground-side in two separate Alliance hospitals before he retired."

"If I can ask, why doesn't your father like the Alliance?" Kaidan prompted placing a assuring hand on her upper arm stopping her for a moment. Shepard pursed her lips as she looked at the man across the café from them. He was staring at a menu seeming unaware that he was being watched.

"Dad just got fed up with the politics and bureaucratic bullshit." She said shaking her head. "Mom and him fought over it, his retiring, I mean, but in the end it worked out for the better."

"Your mother, she's like you…military for life." Kaidan stated more than questioned. Shepard nodded her affirmation of his assessment.

They moved forward then walking side by side. Silence enveloped them. Shepard's mind whirled with what she could possibly say to her father. A man she hadn't seen or heard from since before she had died almost three years ago.

She came within a few feet of him before she stopped again. She stared at the back of his head waiting.

"I was wondering when you would come over and say 'hi', Vai." Her father's voice was even and controlled. Like he calculated everything he said before he said it.

_He probably does._ Shepard thought moving around the table so she could see his face. She pulled a chair out and sat down. "Hello, Dad." She said tersely. She motioned for Kaidan to have a seat in the chair next to her. He looked quickly over at her father before pulling out his chair and sitting as well.

An awkward silence fell over the table then. Shepard stared down at the datapad with the menu selections on it. She was not very hungry, but she could feel the need for a strong drink coming on.

"Huh, Vai, why don't you introduce me to your friend?" Her father's voice faltered slightly in curiosity and confusion.

Shepard glanced at Kaidan who wore a blank face, but she could see the amusement twinkling in his dark eyes as his met hers. She sighed and gestured toward Kaidan. "Major Kaidan Alenko, meet Dr. William B. Shepard." Her hand gestured to her father.

Kaidan extended his hand, "Pleasure to meet you, sir." Her dad looked at Kaidan's proffered hand and then his face crossing his over his chest. He studied Kaidan like he was a particularly interesting growth he had discovered in petri dish. Shepard groaned and covered her eyes with her hand.

"Dad, don't." She growled. Her father raised an eyebrow at her tone. Kaidan retracted his hand and sat straighter in his chair.

"So, you're the second human Spectre?" William asked still eying Kaidan up.

Kaidan nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Polite, handsome, Alliance officer, Spectre and a biotic too." Kaidan narrowed his eyes at the assessment.

"How did…?"

Her father tapped the back of his neck. "Your amp, lad. I caught a glance of it as you walked by."

"Dad," Shepard growled again shooting him a withering glance. "Behave." She commanded.

William shot her his own look and rolled his eyes. "Vai, your being defensive over my simple observations…"

Shepard sat back abruptly and stared at him. "Don't," She pressed a button on the datapad ordering a shot of whiskey. Kaidan furrowed his brow at her choice. But didn't say anything.

"What? You don't want me jumping to the conclusion that you two are sleeping together?" Kaidan's eyes widened slightly but he kept his gaze directed toward Shepard who remained surprisingly still.

"No, it's not that! I don't want you analyzing him." Shepard spoke in a low dangerous voice. "Leave it at that."

William looked at his daughter and then blinked slowly as if he wasn't certain how to respond. Then his eyes narrowed and his gaze swung to Kaidan who returned his stare without flinching. A smile tugged at the corners of Shepard's mouth.

"So, lad, you in love with my daughter? Or you really just after the prestige of being attached to Vai's name?" Shepard groaned crossed her arms leaning back in her chair.

"Really?" she mumbled looking around. "Where is my drink?"

Kaidan raised an eyebrow and smiled. "You want the truth or some fancy regulation denial on both accounts, because I can give you both. Though I don't think you'll like either answer."

William blew out a breath and considered Kaidan for a moment more. "Gutsy, I'll give you that, well, guess you have to be with being a Spectre and all. Why don't you tell me about yourself. We'll start there and I'll form my own opinion."

Kaidan nodded and leaned forward placing his elbows on the table. "There's a lot to tell, where would you like to start?"

"Kaidan…" Shepard muttered rolling her eyes in much the same fashion her father had done just minutes before. Surprisingly enough Kaidan noticed they had the same color of eyes.

"How did you and Vai meet?" William dead panned his voice neutral.

"On board the Normandy. "

"You were her subordinate?"

Kaidan nodded. "Yes."

_This is turning into an interrogation._ Shepard thought darkly bristling at her father's seemingly innocence curious nature. She knew what was really going on. And yes, it might as well have been an interrogation.

"You're a biotic?"

"Yes,"

"What configuration of implant?"

Kaidan didn't even flinch. "L2."

"Fascinating." Her father's awed voice rang in her ears. A waitress came over to the table with their drinks. Shepard sipped tentatively at her drink to keep herself from downing it in one sitting and ordering another. She continued to watch the exchange between Kaidan and her father. Neither of which noticed their drinks. A duel of wills was taking place she was certain of it. She had tried to warn Kaidan, but he hadn't seemed to notice or care. She had even tried to stop her father from doing this ridiculous examination of Kaidan, but he would until he was satisfied with the results. Her best bet was to just drink and sit back and watch. There would be no stopping him now that he had started. She could thank her father for her stubborn streak as her mother reminded her constantly.

"Side effects?"

"Huh…headaches mostly. Sensitivity to light and loud noises."

"That's it?"

"Yeah, I don't think I would have been able to join the Alliance otherwise." Kaidan replied. William snorted.

"You'd be surprised who they let in." Kaidan didn't bat an eyelash at her father's verbal jab of the Alliance. Even though he waited a few seconds to see if Kaidan would, "Family?" he continued.

Kaidan's expression darkened briefly and he looked away. "I'm an only child." He stated. Shepard wanted to reach out and place a comforting hand on his shoulder. He was thinking about his own father missing back on Earth. Presumed dead. Her father had to notice something was wrong, nothing escaped his notice.

"You and your parents get along?"

"Yeah, for the most part."

"Most part? Curious."

Kaidan sighed and sat back. "My parents are back on Earth." He stated with a hint of bitterness edging his voice.

"On Earth…" William mused for a moment and then closed his eyes. "Sorry, lad, I didn't realize. Must be tough being out here knowing…" Her father left the thought unfinished. He shook his head. "Just know that my sympathies are with you." He cocked his head. "When did you join the Alliance?"

Kaidan's eyes narrowed and Shepard took another sip of her whiskey. "Almost thirteen years ago."

"Career man. Any plans for afterwards?" Now William sat back and sipped from his drink. Shepard's brow wrinkled in confusion. _Strange, he's never relaxed that quickly before._

Kaidan canted his head to the side and regarded her father with interest and puzzlement. "You mean after we defeat the Reapers, because I can't see pass that."

"The Reapers…you aren't certain we can beat them?" Her father took another sip.

Kaidan glanced at Shepard who pointedly looked away from their table uncomfortable with this new side to her father. "I believe Shepard can do it." Kaidan stated with conviction.

"You have a lot of faith placed in my daughter."

Kaidan nodded. "I do. The galaxy has placed it all on her shoulders. But I'm stupid nor crazy, I know Shepard can't do this alone. And she won't have too."

"You'll be there?"

"Me and the rest of the Normandy crew. We'll support her no matter what." Shepard met Kaidan's eyes then. His eyes softened as he looked at her and a small smile appeared on his lips. "You asked if I loved your daughter. Truth is I more than love her. I respect her. She's one of the most courageous people I know." Kaidan shrugged. "I have faith in her."

Shepard blinked at his statement and so too did her father. He watched Kaidan like a hawk for a minute more then he chuckled. "Gutsy and smart. This one has potential, Vai."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. "Did I just pass some type of test?"

Shepard sighed and drained the rest of her shot as her father laughed. "Well, lad, that remains to be seen. But I would say you've earned my approval. Even if I don't agreed with the Alliance end of it, that's never stopped Vai before. She joined her mother in service before I knew it. Now both my girls, fly through space on giant metal death traps." He sighed again. "I even thought I'd lost Vai." He turned to Shepard then and in a very stern voice said. "Your mother told me you had been killed in action. We had a service for you and everything. And then two years later she tells that you're not dead!" He shook his head. "I try to contact you, but by then you were in Alliance custody and up for court-marshal." He drained his shot as well. "You're lucky I don't hug you in front of everyone here."

"Dad, I'm sorry," Shepard twisted her empty glass in her hands.

William waved and shook his head. "Don't need to hear it your mother filled me in on most of it. Look, Vai, I just wanted to see you again. In case, despite popular belief this war goes south. I wanted to meet him." He nodded toward Kaidan.

"Mom said something to you." Her father nodded.

"She didn't have any particulars, but she told me that you might be involved." His eyes flickered over to Kaidan. "I wanted to see and hear it for myself." He raised his hand up to stop whatever retort she had been about to make. "I don't care for the Alliance you know that, your mother knows that we avoid every time we meet or talk. And I'm not getting into the politics right now. I just wanted to see you. And I was hoping to meet you, lad, as well." His eyes glistened suddenly. "There isn't much I can do about this war, but I've been helping the refugees that come in here. I've also been volunteering time at some the local hospitals and medical clinics. It's all I can do, Vai. I'm not a soldier. I might have the training from basic, but I've never had to use it. I'm a doctor. My job is to help people, not hurt them."

"Dad, I…" He waved a hand again.

"No, you made your choice…I'll live with it." He smiled then. "This war might take you away from us again. I don't want there to be harsh words. So truce, for now?" He held out his hand to her.

Shepard stared at it for a moment and sighed. "Alright," she shook it and he pulled her in for a brief shoulder hug. She didn't know what to do. Her father wasn't the normal touchy-feely type. He was more stoic and calculated than this. "Mom must have really talked to you." Shepard commented as she pulled away from him.

He shook his head. "She did. But you dying, Vai, or not dying, whatever it was is what really hit me. I looked back on the conversations we had and I could only cringed. We had fought the last time we spoke. I regretted it." A crestfallen look crossed his face. "So I don't want to fight. I just want to know about you. What have you been up to?"

Shepard sighed and looked at her which were now folded together on the table in front of her. She pushed the button on her datapad to order something to eat and another drink this could end up taking a while she had a feeling. She glanced at Kaidan who smiled up at her from his own datapad.

"Where would you like me to begin?" She echoed Kaidan's words from earlier.

William waved a dismissive hand. "I don't care, Vai, anywhere you like." He pointed a finger at Kaidan. "And feel free to add to the conversation, lad. I might have given my approval, but that doesn't mean that I like you yet."

Shepard sighed and looked back down at her datapad. _At least some things never change._


	33. The Darkest Hour of Night

****_Just feelin' like the world needs a little more Shenko fluff. Enjoy and Happy Holidays!  
_

_PE  
_

**The Darkest Hour of Night**

Shepard started awake. Her chest rose and fell in rapid breaths. She sat up and cradled her head in her hands. Sweat coated her face and ran in salty droplets down her back. Sighing quietly she glanced over at the sleeping form beside her. His quiet steady breathing and smooth face were indicators that Kaidan was still sleeping soundly. Shepard disentangled herself from the blankets and sheets and stoop up. Stretching her arms above her head she patted softly over to her dresser. Rifling though it she pulled fresh underclothes, shirt and pants from it. She did everything on automatic pilot. Her thoughts were elsewhere, lingering on the nightmare she had been having.

She knew her guilt plagued her but there was nothing she could do about it. She threw herself into saving the galaxy in hopes of assuaging some of the pain away instead she seemed to be repressing it. Her nights were filled with dark reminders of her helplessness.

Shepard moved into the bathroom, the door opening silently and the overhead light flickering on as she entered. She piled her clothes and towel at the small table across from the shower and toilet. She undressed from her nightclothes leaving them in a heap on the floor. She turned the nozzle on the hottest setting and stepped into the running water. The water scolded her skin thawing her frozen mind. She stayed in the shower letting the water kiss her skin and hair. She wasn't certain how much time had passed, but when she turned the water off the small bathroom was steamy and filled with soft white clouds. She dried herself and wrapped her hair in the towel. She dressed slowly. Her mind was weightless as she left the bathroom. The chillier air from her room hit her like a blow to her stomach sucking the breath from her lungs. She debated climbing back into bed and snuggling up with Kaidan who generated heat like a furnace, but she had quite a bit of work to do still.

She unwrapped her hair and toweled it dry the best she could. She tossed her dry clothes into the hamper and tiptoed back up to her desk. But not after a quick peek to see if Kaidan still slept. She smiled to see that he was in fact still asleep. She didn't want her irregular sleep patterns to disrupt his. She sat at her desk and pulled over a stack of datapads all filled with ship reports, duty rosters, requisition orders, supply shipments and various other tedious details. She began the long and arduous task of reading over them, signing them and filing them. This was her routine and she knew it would be at least until this war was over.

* * *

Kaidan awoke alone. He sat up slowly looking around for Shepard. This wasn't the first time he had found himself alone in her bed. Frowning he slid from the warmth of the bed's blankets and looked around the cabin. Judging from the alarm clock it was late still a couple hours away from when they were scheduled to wake up. His only guess was that Shepard had another nightmare. She didn't want to worry him and he wasn't going to add to the stress of her problems. But he knew the truth, she wanted to hide from her guilt and she might have been slightly ashamed of her actions back on Earth. Her fears where manifesting themselves in her sleep.

Kaidan walked up the steps into the area that housed her work desk. He smiled down fondly at the image laid out before him. Shepard's head was cradled in her arms and she was sound asleep at her desk. A pile of datapads on either side of her head her dark hair spilled around her face and shoulders was slightly damp. Her pale face seemed younger and carefree in her sleep. He reached out a hand and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. A small tingling jolted his fingertips and Shepard's eyes fluttered open. She snuggled her face into the crook of her arm hiding her eyes.

"Hmm…it can't be time to get up yet." She mumbled. "Just went to bed."

Kaidan smiled and leaned forward to press a light kiss at her temple. "No, you still have a few hours. But do you really want to spend them at your desk."

"Hmm?" she replied groggily. Her eyes peeked into view again and he brought his hand back up to caress her cheek. "I'm asleep at my desk?"

Kaidan kissed her cheek. "Yes."

"Oh." She sighed and sat up fully looking around. "I didn't get through as many reports as I wanted."

Kaidan shook his head. "Shepard," She waved a hand dismissing his protest.

"I know, I know." She sighed again and leaned back in her chair her head tilted back. She closed her eyes. Awake she looked tired…not just physically. In her eyes was reflected a weariness of spirit. Her bright green eyes were a little dimmer. A sharp pain of fear stabbed into his chest. This war was killing Commander Shepard, not just the person but the idea too. Shepard was more than a person, she was an idea something tangible and nontangible at the same time. She was the idea of hope in an otherwise hopeless world, the possible to the impossible that was Commander Shepard savior of the galaxy. He loved her from the person that was buried beneath the labels and ideas, but he couldn't deny his attraction to the person of ideal either.

"You need more sleep." He stated firmly.

"Tell me something I don't know." Shepard responded without opening her eyes.

"You should come back to bed." He suggested with hint at something more deepening his voice.

Shepard opened an eye and regarded him a knowing smile pulled at the corner of her lips. Kaidan wanted desperately to kiss her. That smile was so certain of everything. It never seemed to falter. "Should I?" she teased.

Kaidan nodded and then ducked his head to capture her lips with his. He kissed her passionately. Her kiss was sweet and addicting. She pulled back from him breathless and her cheeks were flushed. He continued to kiss her cheeks and press butterfly light kisses down her throat. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he placed his hands on her waist and stepped back pulling her to her feet. His face buried suddenly in long brown slightly damp hair. He kissed her throat as she placed her head on his shoulder. She was warm and soft. He could have stayed like that holding and feeling her presence in his arms. It was moments like this that he remembered she was really alive and well, and for the moment safe.


	34. So Glad That's Over With

****_It's been a while...this is fun drabble I had flowing around my head. I could so picture Vega doing something like this too. : ) Anyway thanks for the reviews, follows, alerts and what nots. Enjoy! _

_PE  
_

**So Glad That's Over With**

"You know I never like those things. Creepy little rachni bastards." James said peeling his chest plate off. Long strands of blackish blue gore dripped from it. Esteban crinkled his nose at the mess Vega was making.

"Mr. Vega, the floor." He nodded at the growing pool of ichor at James feet. Vega glanced downward and cringed.

"Man, I liked this armor too. I'm never going to get the smell out." Complaining and grumbling he quickly stripped the rest of his armor off. Careful to not touch anything more than was necessary, he seriously contemplated walking to the shower stark naked. His clothes were drenched in the black grime and sweat.

"Don't even think about it, Mr. Vega." Esteban said shaking his head viciously. "Shepard won't like it."

James smiled. "You never know she might like it."

Cortez shook his head again. "Don't." He gritted turning away from Vega.

"See, now I have too." Cortez bulked faltering in his steps at Vega's words. James laughed and then started pulling his shirt over his head peeling it away from his skin.

"Mr. Vega, I'm only going to say this once, after that you're on your own. If you value your position on this ship, just don't." Cortez suggested. He started away again heading toward his precious Kodiak.

James chuckled as he unbuttoned his pants and slipped out of them. Standing in the locker section of the armory in just his standard issued boxer brief underwear which were also...questionable. He looked down and grinned. "Yo, Esteban how much you willing to bet that Shepard will like what she sees?"

* * *

Shepard sat with Dr. Chakawas in the Mess Hall sipping on a cup of coffee. The bitter brown liquid was warm and soothing as much as it was rejuvenating and bad tasting. She was freshly showered and wanting a moment to collect her thoughts before she started writing her report for their last mission. She had already contacted Admiral Hackett to let him know that the Crucible Project would be having a few 'unusual guests' show up. She smiled as took another sip and Chakawas finished telling her story.

"You know I've never seen someone so shocked as Major Alenko was when you threw James across that sparring line. Well, maybe Lt. Vega." Chakawas laughed again as she remembered the spar that had taken place a few days ago. James had proposed the idea of a turian style sparring ring and she had to admit the idea wasn't a bad one. In fact the fights had been quite relaxing and mind numbing. Vega and her had danced before but not to an audience. Most of which were already betting that Vega being the stronger and broader opponent would win. Shepard had proved them all wrong. Vega for his part wasn't a sore loser.

"So, Commander, when's the next spar scheduled?" Chakawas asked bringing Shepard's thoughts back to the table and presence company.

Shepard smiled. "Don't know. Vega wanted to run a tournament style. You know one person fights until they lose or something like that."

"Poor James, he lost the first fight so does that mean he will just stay on the sidelines?" Chakawas inquired taking a sip of her own brown beverage.

Shepard shrugged. "I doubt it. Not enough people involved or interested yet to do that."

"Well, how many do you have interested?"

"In actually participating?" Vega's voice questioned from around the Mess Hall corner. And then he walked into view. Shepard's eyes widened and she was thankful she didn't have a mouthful of coffee or Chakawas would have been covered. He was wearing only his boxer briefs. "We have, me, Shepard, Garrus, some corporals from the war room and that's about it." He ticked off six fingers. Shepard kept her eyes firmly on Vega's hands.

Chakawas turned to regard Vega and noticed his choice of attire or his apparent lack there of. "Lieutenant Vega! What are to doing?"

Vega shrugged and smiled mischievously. "My clothes and armor were soaked through with rachni blood. I came up to shower and overheard you two lovelies talking about the sparring match the other day." He winked at Shepard who was trying to figure out what to say to him. She sighed and placed her mug down on the table. There were two ways she could handle this, react to him and give him want he wanted, which was a reaction to his behavior. Which in turn lead her to believe that he had a bet going on with Cortez about her reaction. If that was the case then…her best choice was not to react at all.

"You don't think Kaidan would join us in a sparring match?" She prompted changing the subject back to the fighting ring.

James frowned and shook his head meeting her eyes. "Don't think so, Commander. I asked him and he didn't seem keen on the idea."

Shepard smiled back. "Did you tempt him with a biotic spar?"

James cocked his head and crossed his arms. Shepard noticed a toiletry bag in his right hand. _So he really was going to shower at least._ "Never thought to offer him that. Only what three biotics beside himself on the ship. You, Blue, and Scrooge."

Shepard rubbed her forehead and frowned down into her coffee. "Scrooge?" Chakawas asked raising an eyebrow at James, apparently still coming to terms with his partial nudeness.

"Yeah, the Protheanen."

"Scrooge, you can't be serious and I wouldn't recommend calling him that to his face."

Vega shook his head. "I can't remember his name, Commander, sorry, alien names are harder than human names to remember."

"It's Javik."

"Hmm…I think Scrooge fits him better. Just like Lola fits you."

Shepard chuckled and rolled her eyes at Vega. Chakawas scoffed turning to look at Vega. "Really, Lt. Vega, put some clothes on."

Shepard busted out laughing as Vega winked at the doctor. She covered her mouth with a hand.

"Ah, come on, Doc, I'm starting a new trend." James smiled and shifted his weight. Chakawas sighed and stood. She looked up at the big all but naked man.

"There are some people on this ship, Lieutenant, I would rather not see in various stages of undress more than I should as the ship's doctor." She eyed him up. "Though I must say that you aren't one of them."

Shepard barked out a laugh again holding her hand more firmly over her mouth trying to stem the laughter that was threatening to pour forth. She knew as the commanding officer she should be lecturing him about propriety, but Chakawas response as priceless. Vega blinked and shifted uncomfortably again.

"Well, Lola seems to be enjoying the show."

"Hmm, that's right, laugh it up, Vega. Though as much as I might be enjoying this you really need to go shower," She paused and pointed up at something dark on Vega's face. She scrunched up her nose at him. "You have something on your face," She leaned forward slightly, "And I think it is also in your hair."

James' face turned a lovely shade of red and Shepard chuckled along with Chakawas as Vega turned and headed toward the showers.

Chakawas whistled low watching Vega's boxer covered backside. Shepard laughed as Vega hurried away even faster. Chakawas turned back to her and smiled. "Well, I don't think he will do that again."

Just at that moment Kaidan stepped around the corner his brow furrowed in disbelief. "Did I just see Lieutenant Vega walk from here wearing just his boxers?" He asked leveling his gaze on Shepard.

Chakawas' smile grew brighter and she hid it behind a hand as Shepard winked at Kaidan and motioned for him to have a seat. "Yeah, just be glad you missed it."


	35. Invader

****_This is another Insanity Round Prompt from a while ago. It's different but I enjoyed writing this from a creative writing stand point. Thanks for the reviews, follows and alerts. I have a few more Insanity Prompt writing I would like to edit and post and then I'm not certain where to go from there. I haven't played Omega yet...that probably won't happen until February. : ( I'm too busy with work, editing my novel, and writing my another fanfiction story for Dragon Age. So we'll see if inspiration strikes between of all that for longer chapters on this story. : ) Thanks again for reading and enjoy!  
_

_PE  
_

**Invader**

They fell from the sky, much like bits and babbles of dark glass shatter upon a tile blue floor. They gleamed and burned pouring for by the hundreds...laser red eyes cleaving destruction and casting about despair as one would toss a handful of autumn colored leaves above one's head as child...no laughter did they bring only pain, misery and...loss. It was their place in the universe. Their sole purpose to destroy and recreate. Again and again trapped in an endless cycle of war and death. They were the invaders of a galaxy hanging upon the edge of a knife's blade of peace. One wrong misstep in any direction could tip the scales of the precious balance that the races held in sway. It wasn't until they invaded that races wanted to rally...wanted to fight something other than themselves. They were the connecting point for the galaxy, the reason for the fighting and bickering amongst themselves to stop...for a new bigger threat these invaders were and together if the races wished to survive they would have to together in order to do so.

They were the invaders...

They were the Reapers...

Their purpose was not destruction, but continuation of the cycle they were born to relive again and again...

**Defender**

The glowing blue eyed monster came around the corner faster than Private Munchin could react. He raised his pistol ready to fire at the hulking ripping through his other comrades. He didn't see the husk until the creature screeched splitting black strains of what he hoped was saliva in his face. Munchin wheeled toward the husk. The creature didn't flinch just jumped forward sinking its black teeth into his arm. Crying out in alarm and terror, Munchin dropped his pistol and beat at the husk head with a bare fist. The monster didn't move just latched onto his arm even tighter and clawed at him with renewed vigor. Munchin thought it was all a bad dream...just a dream. He would wake up groggy from a heavy night of drinking and all would be well...but the pain in his arm didn't stop and the creature didn't disappear...and Munchin didn't wake up in his bed with a hangover. The cries of his comrades were a dim background noise to the rumble of cannon fire and Munchin's own frantic heartbeat. He slammed his fist into the husk head again and again. Pounding the creature with all his might...his breathing was ragged and his knuckles bloody but he didn't care. A shot rang out. Piercing and deafening even over the battle waging all around him. The ground shook as he looked around and saw one the giant invaders moving into the center of the street. It walked through a building collapsing the structure as if it were merely cupboard. The creature on his arm jerked and released its hold slipping to the ground. The eerie blue lights pulsed lightly, but remained lit. Lie crumpled on the ground as it was it looked like a discarded children's toy. He kicked the husk in the head for good measure. Picking up his gun he reloaded his thermal clip and glanced around. The Reaper was focusing on the clock tower. The Reaper paid no attention to the seemingly insufficient insects scurrying below its feet.

Another shot rang out...Munchin spun around just in time to see a husk scrambling toward pitch face first onto the debris scattered road. Munchin's eyes looked upwards in the direction theorized the shot had come from...the huge clock tower. His eyes widen as he thought he saw move up in the tower's arched section. Movement on the ground caused him to jerk his eyes back to the business at hand. A woman and two children were running toward panic etched into their dirt and sweat covered faces. Behind five blue glowing husks screeched and trailed after them. The children were crying hard and the woman bellowed, "Help us!"

Munchin ducked behind a piece of cement from the parking garage behind him and took careful aim. He drew in a steady breath and sighted with the heavy pistol. Exhaling slowly he squeezed the trigger. Two shots rang out.

Two husk fell.

**Avenger**

Shepard wiped the sweat out of her eyes and sighted once again down her through her scope. Taking a deep breath she squeezed the trigger. One shot clear and precise echoed down the alley. The marauder fell. Blood and bits of brain matter spattered the cannibal and three husks in front of him. The remaining Reaper troops looked around in what she could only define as bewilderment. The smoking ruins of a once beautiful city stretched out before her like the skeletal wings of a dead butterfly one could still see the tattered remains of what had once been great and alive. She swore and nodded toward Kaidan and James.

Vega's gun exploded in deadly accuracy catching the husks and cannibal in the chest and shoulders. The creatures screeched and started their way. The husks lead the way followed by the cannibal. Vega's gun fire continued to pepper them, but they kept coming.

"Pressure them!" Shepard shouted setting aside her sniper rifle and pulling out her assault rifle. With the click of a button the gun unfolded and came alive in her hands. Dancing and proud, deadly and humming. A blue flame lit up out of the corner of her eye. The cannibal flew backwards ignited by dark energy. Shepard continued firing though a dark smile played upon her full lips.

Three marauders ran around the corner from the building's interior. Swearing, Shepard ducked back down behind her cover and reloaded her thermal clip. Pressing a button on the side of her rifle she waited a breath for the weapon to calibrate her newest command. A light blinked and it beeped. She swept up from cover and opened fire again. Delivering quick, short burst into the newly arrived enemies. Orange flashed mixed with blue flashed out the corner of her eye as the hair on the back of her neck prickle at the discharge of electrical current mixed with biotic powers. James swore and hunkered into cover to reload and Shepard covered him.

Thus they worked...a team of preciseness and cohesiveness that amazed the watchers and made the Reapers hesitate. Shepard was the key they knew. She was their doom or their salvation. Mostly she was the avenger. Killing mercilessly every Reaper troop for every human lost in their war...their struggle for freedom from the inevitable cycle.


	36. A Red Red Rose

_**Author's Note**: So isn't been a while, but life has kept me pretty busy. I have a few chapters for this story that I want to add one is from Garrus' POV and I have a few end game chapters as well. I still haven't played Omega, but it looks like it won't be much sooner that I will have to wait. YAY! Anyway, this chapter is written for a Valentine's Day Contest on the forum: Aria's Afterlife. So, it's fluffy, sweet and slightly romantic. So enjoy! And thanks to everyone who follows, reviews and reads this story it means a lot to me. Happy Valentine's Day!_

_PE_

Chapter inspired by:

**A Red, Red Rose ****by Robert Burns**

O my Luve's like a red, red rose  
That's newly sprung in June;  
O my Luve's like the melodie  
That's sweetly played in tune.

As fair art thou, my bonnie lass,  
So deep in luve am I;  
And I will luve thee still, my dear,  
Till a' the seas gang dry:

Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear,  
And the rocks melt wi' the sun;  
I will luve thee still, my dear,  
While the sands o' life shall run.

And fare thee weel, my only Luve,  
And fare thee weel awhile!  
And I will come again, my Luve,  
Tho' it ware ten thousand mile.

**A Red, Red Rose**

This was turning out to be the worst day ever. Piles of reports, Thessia burning, Palaven fighting but losing ground even with krogan reinforcements, the ship needed repairs and upgrades, Sanctuary had been a complete disaster, people were starting to avoid her simply because she 'might' have broken some of James ribs in a sparring bout. No, the day was not looking good. In fact the next few years weren't looking good if she couldn't get that Crucible information from Cerberus.

Shepard sighed and sat back in chair crossing her arms across her chest. She tilted her head back to stare up at the ceiling. Her silvery reflection stared back at her. She blinked and clenched her jaw. Even to herself she looked tired. She blamed the war and the stress. She was only human. She could only handle so much before she lost it. In fact she had already lost it once.

Shaking herself visibly she grabbed her coffee from beside the pile of reports on the table and went to go get a refill. The Normandy was headed toward the Citadel for next needed supplies and then they would be meeting up with the rest of fleet to head toward the Illusive Man's base. She had approved all shore leave for her crew while they were docked at the Citadel restocking.

_This could be the last time any of them get it._ She thought darkly as she poured lukewarm dark brown liquid into her mug. _I can't deny them._ Her plan was to stay locked up in her room going over tactics, stastics and reports from the different fleets, she would also like to take a look one more time at the Crucible reports which were a book in themselves.

The coffee pot clanked loudly as she set it back down a little too forcefully. Pretty much everyone had asked for leave. Garrus and Tali were going with James and Cortez to get something to eat and then get 'hammered' as James kept telling her. He had invited her to come along, but she had declined. She needed to think straight. Liara had also invited her to join her on the Citadel she and Chakawas were restocking the Med Bay and then doing some extra shopping on the side. The two doctors had become quite close forming a friendship over ideas and theories of the Crucible and the Reapers. Shopping wasn't going to help, plus she hated it. She wasn't good at it. Unless they were shopping for upgrades or mods for weapons she wasn't interested. Javik she knew was exploring the Citadel, he hadn't asked her to come and she knew he never would. The ancient warrior seemed to want to experience the Citadel for himself. She was okay with not playing tour guide for him.

_He would be a horrible tourist._ Disgruntled and condescending the worst kind.

Then there was Kaidan who had asked for leave, but didn't specify any details. He had written on his leave request 'personal'. She had granted it because well, it was curtsey and he didn't even have to really file a leave slip. He was a Spectre and fellow officer. She didn't really have any say over him. If he wanted to do something then he could. He knew that and she knew it, but he liked to keep with protocol as much as possible. Though a small part of her was curious about what he was doing. She didn't question. He _would_ distract her from getting work done. He was great for reducing stress, but not so good on getting rid of paperwork.

Shepard smiled and sipped at her coffee. Soon the Normandy would be quiet and virtually not a soul on it. And then she could work in complete peace without…

"Hey, Commander?" Joker's voice piped over the intercom. _Speaking of which._

"Go ahead, Joker." She replied dumping her coffee into the sink. She rinsed her mug while waiting for Joker's response.

"Could you maybe, I don't know, come up to the cockpit for a moment?"

"Does EDI have another question for me?" She asked smirking. If EDI did then that meant that Joker was uncomfortable answering it. It was a little pleasure she got out of seeing Joker blush or stammer for a moment.

"Not exactly,"

"All right, I'll be right there." She walked back to the table and gathered up her reports. "Just let me take a quick stop to my quarters to drop off these reports then I'll be up."

"Okay, Commander. Thanks."

Shepard smiled as she climbed into the elevator. She should have known that something would keep her from her paperwork.

* * *

Kaidan paced in the Starboard Observation Deck. To say he was nervous…wasn't exactly true. He was _excited?_ Yes, no, maybe a little. He had wanted to do something nice for Shepard for a while. Their dinner date had been perfect. And every day and night with her was a miracle in itself…yet she needed not more, but something extra. He wanted to ease her mind and let the troubles of the galaxy slip away completely for one night. Shepard wasn't likely to do that anytime soon not without a good bash to the head that would result in permanent memory lost. He had been hoping she might actually take some time on the Citadel, but she hadn't. She was planning on staying on the ship.

She worried him. She was getting more than desperate. She could have died getting that information about the Reapers and for what? He still hadn't seen any evidence that it had done any good.

He wanted to surprise her. She deserved it. But, how was the problem. Shepard was… hard to impress and even harder to surprise. He had an idea, but he wasn't certain it would be good enough. He decided on simple and sweet. She needed more of that. Simplicity was something she valued. And something she didn't get enough of in her frantically paced life.

He would only need a few things to make the evening perfect. First was making certain that they weren't disturbed. He made a mental note to speak with EDI about holding Shepard's communications. Everything else he was planning on picking up at the Citadel. It was one of the reasons he had filed for shore time. Lastly, he needed to pull Shepard away for her work. He knew that he really shouldn't, but her well-being and others depended on her relaxing. He couldn't help but notice her tired looks coupled with the fact that she wasn't sleeping well boded ill for all of them, but it definitely accounted for her short temper, snappish remarks, and sparring sessions ending with her opponents having bruised ribs upon other injuries.

He stopped pacing and looked out the window. The stars dotted the inky blackness. It was beautiful and vast. Staring out the window he could forget for a few moments that a war was going on. He could become lost in the sea. It was peaceful. He couldn't think of a better place to get Shepard alone and make her forget about the war for just a few hours.

* * *

Shepard sighed again and ran a hand over her face. Two hours into most of the crews shore leave and she was not even half way through her damn reports. She growled tossing another data-pad down onto a pile of read and responded to reports. _Only a couple hundred to go_. She thought sarcastically. The reports were good and bad with a few combinations of the two. The turians were gaining ground here, but the quarians and geth were losing it here. Asari forces were pinned down in this sector; heavy casualties on both sides, but reinforcements were in route. So on and so on…but she read everything and calculated every strategic point and maneuver she could and placed it in overall file for the war effort. The file was becoming rather large.

Her stomach growled angrily at her. She hadn't eaten in over four hours. Her hyperactive metabolism was going to be her down fall. She frowned glancing down at her gut. She needed to eat and soon otherwise it was not going to be pretty. Thankfully the mess hall should be clear and food would be a quick in and out process.

Standing she stretched her arms above her head and cracked in shoulders. Then she rotated her head popping a few choice spots in her neck. A chiming beep resonated from her personal computer. Shepard glanced down at the orange flashing light on the machine. _Who would be calling me?_ Most everyone she knew was off ship enjoying the last bit of shore leave they would probably get before…everything hit the fan.

She reached down and hit the open call button. "Hello?"

"Hi, Shepard, do you have a moment?" Kaidan's voice asked. Her brow furrowed.

"Kaidan, if this involves me leaving the ship, then I can't, unless it's,"

"No, no, you don't have to leave the ship. I just wanted to talk for a bit. Why don't you come on down? You could probably use a break, right?" He answered cutting off the rest of her reply.

Shepard sighed and a smile tugged at her lips. "Alright, you're lucky I was on my way down to grab a bite to eat."

"Well, I wanted to at least remind you to take a break." He said lightheartedly.

"I'll see in a moment."

"I'm counting on it."

Shepard's stomach growled again as she stepped off the elevator. She rubbed a hand over her stomach. She was going to have to make this a quick talk, she was already starting to feel light headed. She walked the few steps to the observation deck doors which opened automatically at her approach. The room was dark except for the stars shining outside the window.

"Kaidan?" She ventured a little further into the room. Her nerves were on edge. Something wasn't right. Her step forward triggered the doors to close and she spun just as they shut behind her. The lights came on in a soft yellow light that wasn't harsh but soft and soothing. Shepard spun back around and gasped. The room was littered with roses. Red roses. Their perfumed filled her nose. She wasn't certain how she had missed the smell earlier. There were rose petals scattered across the floor and over the lounge seats. White candles were placed on the coffee table and on the poker table was arranged with plates and wine glasses. A dark blue wine bottle was chilling in a silver bin off to the right side of the table. Mixed the smell of roses, Shepard could detect the smell of food. Something spicy and tangy. She placed a hand over her mouth to hide her shock, but also to make certain she wasn't drooling.

Her stomach rumbled again. The doors opened and she pivoted to see Kaidan entering with a single red rose in his hand. He grinned handing the flower to her. She took it and blinked at it.

"Kaidan, this is…" She didn't know what to say. Tears suddenly burned at her eyes. She couldn't remember when someone had ever done something like this for her.

"So, you like it?" He asked a weary look on his face. Shepard turned back around looking over everything again. The roses, the wine, dinner, okay, so the food was a big seller, but it was all sweet and normal. She smiled and wiped the tears from her eyes. She wasn't use to this. She brought the rose to her nose and took a deep breath. This was something normal couples did. Romantic surprise dinners, flowers, and …

"Are those chocolates?" She asked spying a red wrapped box on the coffee next to a vase filled with a bouquet of roses.

Kaidan chuckled nervously, "Yes,"

"Wow," She breathed, turning her head to catch his reaction. "You have thought of just about everything."

Kaidan shrugged, though disappointment crinkled the corner of his eyes. "I tried too." He replied reaching out he turned her toward him. Gently he took her hands in his, careful not to crush the delicate flower, and held them lovely. His thumbs caressed the top of her knuckles. He watched their joined hands and frowned slightly. "I know it seems a bit much, but considering this might be one of the last times we get to do anything like this…I don't know, I wanted something unforgettably special."

Shepard smiled and squeezed his hands. "Kaidan, you're sweet and I do appreciate it." Leaning forward she placed a tender kiss on his lips. "Thank you."

Kaidan beamed the disappointment fainting from his eyes. He rested his forehead against hers. "I love you, Shepard." He whispered softly his breath warm and mellifluous on her skin. "I wanted you to know, I'll never stop loving you."

Shepard closed her eyes and let his words flow over her. She took a deep breath, inhaling the aroma of roses, food and him. It was all she could do to stop herself from shaking with penned up emotions. She hadn't realized that she could feel so deeply for another person. And yet here she was, the universe going to hell all around them, a red rose in her hands about to enjoy a perfect evening with the man she loved. Yeah, for one night the universe could take care of itself. She was going to enjoy this night, she wasn't going to be Commander Shepard…instead tonight she was going to be normal; a perfectly normal woman enjoying the moment.

She opened her eyes and lifted her head away from him. "Really, I do love it, Kaidan."

"But?" He asked watching her face intently. Shepard smirked and stepped back away from him looking pointedly at the table set with food.

"I'm starving."

Kaidan laughed and offered his arm, "Well, then let's not let it get cold."

Shepard took his arm and leaned her head on his shoulder. "You know, I have a feeling that I'm not going to want this night to end."

Kaidan pressed a kiss on her temple. "That's kinda of the idea. That and making you forget about the war and all the paperwork that goes with it."

Shepard sighed. "I'm not going to think about any of that right now. Right now it's you, me, dinner and whatever happens afterwards."

"Dessert?"

"Yes, that and other things." She teased as she sat down, Kaidan holding out her chair for her. She raised an eyebrow at him and he winked. Yes, tonight was going to be amazing.


	37. The Best Day Ever

_So the little plot bunnies have started turning again with this collection of stories. This all stems from a comment that Wrex makes to Kaidan during ME1. He ask Kaidan if Kaidan and Shepard were to fight who would win? Kaidan's reply is, 'I don't know, I haven't honestly thought about it.' Wrex's response, (paraphasing here), Shepard would because she has at least thought about it. I started thinking about and after everything that's happened with Shepard and Kaidan at this point. I could see the gears working in Shepard's head. I think she would be slightly insulted that Kaidan doesn't want to spar with her. And it has nothing to do with inequality and everything to do with the idea: That Kaidan was able to hold a gun on her, willing to shoot her even, and if she hadn't convinced him...she would have been forced to shoot him. I think she wants to prove to herself and maybe a little him that it would have been a difficult decision to make. I don't know I'm still trying to sort through the motivation, but it makes sense to me. Enjoy and happy reading! Thanks for the reviews, alerts, and favorites!  
_

_PE_

* * *

**The Best Day Ever**

Garrus watched Shepard as she sat at the Mess Hall table surrounded by stacks of reports and a large mug of coffee. She wasn't in a good mood that much was clear from the way her brow was furrowed and her eyes narrowed slightly every time she read a new report. He was amazed by the way he was picking up on human facial expressions learning even the most subtle of twitches around their eyes could have a hidden depth or meaning to their overall mood.

Saying Shepard was stressed seemed pointless. It was starting to become obviously visible. The dark circles under her eyes, her short snappy remarks, barked orders, even when they had been sparring she didn't hold back her punches and kicks, they were dangerous and accurate. Vega was still nursing a bruised rib or two from their latest match. Garrus had been lucky. Shepard had been called to the War Room shortly before their bout was to begin. His luck she would have ripped off one of his mandibles and tossed it across the room with a snarl and growl. He now understood why Kaidan declined joining in their sparring matches. Though that was a match many would love to see, himself included Kaidan was never going to add to Shepard's worries or habits in that regard.

Garrus' plan for the day was avoid Shepard at all cost, yet he hadn't realized she was going to set up shop literally on his doorstep. He had been planning on visiting Tali he wanted to talk to the quarian see how she was adjusting, maybe ask her to dinner once they reached the Citadel. Of course it would be only to have her politely decline or tell him that she had work to do. Maybe one day she would get the hint, maybe that day would be today. Either way he was enjoying Tali's company and it was good to have her around again.

But now…His mandibles flared in irritation. He wasn't upset with Shepard and he understood she was under more stress than any being should have to be under, but that didn't mean that he wanted her to spoil his good mood. Maybe there was some way he could sneak but her without her noticing. She did seem pretty absorbed in her reports. Maybe…

What he needed was a good distraction…something that would take her mind away from what was irritating her about those reports. His mandibles flared again as he lit upon an idea. He stepped slowly back into the Main Battery, letting the doors slip shut.

Pulling up his omni-tool he sent a brief message to Tali:

"I was on my way down to see you, went confronted with a very flustered Shepard. Any ideas?" He hit 'send' and waited as patiently as his nerves would let him. He had noticed that he was drawn to Tali more and more lately. Something about the way she was maturing into a confident and worldly person was very alluring and attractive. His omni-tool beeped. And Tali's filtered voice echoed softly throughout the room.

"Keehla, don't even try to approach her. Shepard is more irritable than a varren in heat. Liara was just telling me that she snapped at her for asking her a question about how the Crucible was coming along. Ideas, just stay in the Main Battery until she leaves."

"There has to be something more feasible than that. Maybe, Kaidan could help?" Garrus asked hope blossoming in his voice.

"I wouldn't count on that."

"Why?"

"Because he's working with Adams trying to help out with a small electrical problem down here in engineering. I think he is also avoiding Shepard." Tali sounded worried. And this was not good. If Kaidan was avoiding Shepard then something was very, very wrong.

"Then it's more than just reports giving her a bad mood?" Garrus gleamed.

"Yes, but Kaidan won't say what. He's keeping his mouth shut!" Tali's voice picked up in volume on the last sentence which made the turian think that Major Alenko was standing close enough to hear her.

"This can't be good." Garrus mumbled his mandibles flaring in worry.

"Look, I didn't do anything wrong. You can all stop staring at me like a just bioticly kicked a puppy! We haven't fought, argued and we aren't having a lover's spat or quarrel. Shepard's stressed, she's worried. That's all." Kaidan's voice resonated across Garrus' omni-tool.

"He sounds really defensive for someone who hasn't pissed off the Commander." Garrus retorted chuckling.

He heard Kaidan sigh. "Look, once again I haven't done anything. She's wants to be left alone that's it."

"Then way is she sitting in the Mess Hall writing and reading reports?" Tali asked him.

"She's what?" Kaidan sounded genuinely confused. "She told me that she was going to stay in her cabin most of the day."

"That's not the case." Garrus chimed. "I'm trapped at the main gun, while it sounds like you all are having a party down in Engineering."

"Well, it wouldn't be a party without you, Garrus." Tali adventured and Garrus found himself genuinely happy and confused at the same moment.

"I'm coming up to talk to her." Kaidan said. And his sigh was audible across Garrus' omni-tool.

"Kaidan, hold on a moment." Garrus intoned.

"What is it, Garrus?" Kaidan sounded miffed…well, at least not looking forward to speaking with Shepard. But the turian did have to admire his bravery.

"What would you like me to say at your funeral?" Tali's laugh carried across the omni-tool as did Garrus' chuckle. He could even heard Gabby and Donnely snickering in the background.

"She isn't that bad." Kaidan replied though he sounded like he was trying to convince himself of the truth of it.

Garrus' mandibles flared in amusement. Teasing Kaidan was pretty fun, almost as fun as one uping James. "Ah, come on, Kaidan, we all know the Commander shoots first and ask questions later type, at least when she pissed. You are unfortunate causality in this war your sacrifice has been noted and know that you will be remembered. Save a seat for me at the bar."

Kaidan didn't respond. The others chuckled and Garrus chatted with Tali a bit longer. The talk about everything, there wasn't a subject that they didn't seem to idly speak about. After what seemed like forever, Kaidan entered the main gun room. He looked pale. He leaned against the work bench station Garrus had set up for himself.

"Uh, Tali, I have to go. We'll speak again shortly." He disconnected from their call and turned to face Kaidan.

"So, you're not dead I see."

Kaidan shook his head. "Nope,"

"Then why do you…what's the human phrase…seen a specter?"

"Ghost?"

"Yeah,"

"Because I think Shepard just challenged me to a sparring match."

Garrus felt his eyes go wide and his mandibles flared. "Uh, and what did you say?"

"I think I accepted."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well, you could always back out of it." Garrus volunteered.

Kaidan shook his head. "No, apparently that's what's been bothering her."

"What? She wants to fight you?"

Kaidan sighed and dropped his hand looking down at it with a frown. "It's not the whole reason she stressed, but she seems to think that I…don't think I should fight her." Kaidan's brow wrinkled in thought. "Does that make any sense to you?"

Garrus shrugged. " I guess." He wasn't certain himself. "Maybe she just thinks that you don't want to fight her because you'll hurt her or vice versa."

"But I don't want to fight her. I don't want to think about fighting her. Having my gun drawn on her was enough. I never want to experience that again." Kaidan snapped his voice deepening with anger.

"Look, you probably should talk to Shepard about this first." Garrus stopped speaking Kaidan was already shaking his head.

"No, I tried to explain it. But she wasn't listening. It's one of the few times she wasn't listening to me." He sighed and shoved his hands into his pants pockets. "The fights in a couple hours. You might want to tell James. I know he'll want to see it."

"No offense, but I can't think of a person on this ship that doesn't want to see you two fight. Not to mention place a bet on who will win. The first two human Spectres duking it out. Will be quite a match." Garrus replied turning to the main gun's computer. He had quite a bit of calibrating to do if he was going to watch the match.

Kaidan sighed again and walked out. Garrus' mandibles flared again in what was the closest thing to a human smile. _This is going to be the best day ever._ He thought humming with excitement.


	38. Stress Relief

_Hello! I'm planning on updating again soon. This chapter takes place after the last one. I will be posting some Citadel DLC chapters, but they will be marked for potential spoilers. Loved that DLC. Anyway, thanks for the reviews, favorites, alerts and follows. It makes my day that people are enjoying this story. : ) _

_PE_

**Stress Relief**

"Come on, Major! Give her hell!" Private Marian Brada shouted from the sparring ring's side lines.

"I have fifty credits on you, Major!" Corporal Jones blurted out.

"Ha, hell no, my money's on the Commander. No offense, Major." Vega called out to him.

Kaidan shot him a weary grin. _Nice knowing they have some confidence in me._ Everyone who was off duty formed a cluster on the edges of the sparring circle that had been set up in the _Normandy's _main cargo hold. Kaidan shook his head. The support was nice, but he had a bad feeling about this fight. Some of the privates and corporals had only heard of Commander Shepard's prowess on the battlefield. This was the first time they would actually get the chance to see her fight. She could be brutal and ruthless when she needed to be. James had informed him before the fight an uncharacteristic large portion of the crew planned on attending their sparring match. Apparently the scuttlebug had been making its rounds pretty diligently. This was being called the 'match of the century' the first two human Spectres were meeting head to head.

The crew stood gathered around the ring. Each of them placing bets and calling words of encouragement or discouragement as the case was for both of them. Kaidan was taken slightly aback that he seemed to have a cheering section.

Shepard stood across from him in a simple working Alliance uniform: a uniform which matched his own. Kaidan couldn't help the smile that slipped onto his lips as he watched her. Shepard rolled her left shoulder and rotated her head from side to side. Her dark brown hair was pulled back away from her face in a twisted knot. Her light green eyes flickered from the sidelines to him. The corner of her mouth tilted upwards into her knowing grin. Though he did notice the dark circles under her eyes as well. The smile slipped from his face. Shepard looked tired and worn. Beautiful, but she had a lot riding on her shoulders. Kaidan wished he could help her, but this wasn't really the way he wanted to help her. Stress relief was good and all, but fighting each other…well, if it helped he would do it. Though Shepard had challenged him to this ridiculous duel was beyond him. She didn't have anything to prove to him or anyone, so why had she?

"Ready, Major?" She asked dropping into a crouch and yanking him from his thoughts.

Kaidan nodded and mimicked her stance. "As ready as I'll ever be."

"Good." She nodded towards Garrus. The turian was standing on the sidelines near the center of the ring. He was refereeing the match. Garrus nodded back to Shepard and then raised his hands into the air.

The room went silent.

"Three rounds each ending with the pinning of your opponent. Biotics and hand to hand are both allowed. Kaidan, are you ready?"

"I am."

"And you, Shepard?"

"I'm ready, Garrus." Kaidan watched Shepard as she answered. That damnable knowing smile still played at her lips. She turned her eyes on him and her body tensed.

"Then begin." Garrus called taking a step back away from the ring. So did most of the others gathered around the circle. Kaidan noticed the movement out of the corner of his eye. His sole attention was focused on Shepard, who had a faint blue glow surrounding her.

Kaidan threw up his barrier without a second thought. Shepard was a hard hitter and he knew from fighting side by side with her that she liked to get up close and personal. She would come at him. Kaidan's eyes narrowed. _So why wait._ He gathered the blue energy into his hands flung it outward toward Shepard.

Shepard did not have time to dodge. Kaidan pulled her towards him. Sliding her feet across the mat, as she came within striking distance Kaidan released the hold on her. He kicked out with his left foot hoping to catch her in the chest. Thankfully she had her barrier in place otherwise the blow would have done more than bruise.

In the moment Kaidan's foot lashed out, he realized his mistake. Shepard still grinning charged forward the rest of the distance. She closed the gap in between them in the blink of an eye, dancing pass his leg to slam her arm full force into his chest.

The air rushed out of Kaidan's lungs as he hit the mats. He stared up the dark gray ceiling. He blinked. _What the hell just happened?_ He felt something heavy on his chest. And suddenly he was staring up into vibrant green eyes in a freckled face split into an infuriating knowing smile.

"Has it been so long sense we last sparred, Major? That you would try a trick like that on me." Shepard stated.

"First round to Commander Shepard." Garrus' voice rang out. Kaidan barely noticed the groans and cheers of the crowd watching them.

Kaidan blinked and remembered exactly what had happened. "Get off me, Shepard." He growled. He did not like that she had taken him down so easily.

"Don't be sore, Kaidan." She said standing up and offering him a hand.

"Shit, Shepard. I'm going to be sore after that." He grumbled accepting her proffered hand.

She helped pull him to his feet.

"Ready for round two?" She asked clapping him on the shoulder. He shot her a glare. She was enjoying this a little too much. She raised a questioning eyebrow at his look. "What's with that look?"

Kaidan shook his head. "Nothing. Let's get this over with." She seemed awfully chirper for someone who only a few hours ago was ready to thrash the nearness living being.

A laugh escaped her. "Ah, Kaidan, don't be a wet blanket. Relax," she winked at him as she turned to walk away. "I'll go easier on you." She shouted at him over her shoulder.

_Damnable woman._ Kaidan thought as he dropped into his crouch. He replaced his barrier and waited Garrus to signal the start of round two.

* * *

Kaidan lay on his stomach a pillow tucked up under his neck and chin. His arms were crossed under the pillow. Everything hurt or at least it felt that way. A dull ache was starting behind his eyes; he could feel a migraine in the making. This one had nothing to do with his implants and everything to do with his throbbing back and neck muscles.

He shouldn't have felt this way, but it had been a while since he had taken the beating that he had in the sparring ring. On Mars was probably the last time…he squeezed his eyes shut. The hum of running water mixed with the quiet bubbling of the fish tank off to his left. He sighed and planted his face into the pillow hoping to block out the dim overhead lights.

Shepard had invited him up to utilize her shower and relax after their match. He wasn't a sore loser, just a tired and confused one. She had let him take a shower first as she had reports to finalize. He wasn't going to turn down a decent hot shower, a soft bed and a moment alone with Shepard. Her thoughts might be several worlds away, but…he smiled. He had confidence that he could bring her back to the Normandy and this room fairly quickly.

A warm hand caressed the small of his back, pressing gently but firmly on the muscles found there. A small groan of pain and pleasure escaped his lips.

"Is that too much pressure?" Shepard asked softly rolling her hand in small circular motions along his back.

"No, that's fine." Kaidan replied lifting his head slightly. A second warm hand joined the first moving up and down his back relieving the tension building up there.

"You know, you could have had me in the last round." Shepard said and he could hear the smirk in voice. Her breath was warm on his the skin of back. A shiver of desire rippled through his body. A soft moan escaped him.

Soft lips kissed his bare shoulder and he closed his eyes as her hands continued to soothe the tight muscles of his neck. Her fingers deftly danced around his implants. For several minutes she worked kneading and caressing. Kaidan smiled and relaxed letting the tension of their fight and the war drift away.

"You know, if you keep this up you'll put me to sleep." He whispered shifting his head to the side.

Shepard chuckled, "Maybe that's the idea." She replied leaning forward she rested her hands on his shoulders and leaned across his back to kiss his cheek. Her skin was warm and soft against his. Kaidan sighed and then smiled wickedly.

"What?" She asked noticing his grin.

Opening his eyes he abruptly flipped himself over. A yelp escaped Shepard as she landed besides him on the bed, the sudden movement having dislodged her from her precarious position. Kaidan threw his leg over hers, pinning her effective to the bed. He smiled down at her noting the look of surprise flickering in her eyes. He cupped her cheek with a hand letting his thumb trace the outline of her cheekbone. "Why, so surprised?" he asked playfully, "You told me to 'expect the unexpected'."

"So I did." She commented arching her neck slightly so that his fingers could slip behind her head and into her damp hair. Her lips were partly open and her bright green eyes flashed teasingly just as her knowing grin twitched at the corners of her mouth.

Kaidan's chest filled with so many emotions in that moment: love, desire, protectiveness, and pride swirled and blended together permeating his entire being. In that moment looking down into her eyes the words, "I love you," seemed inadequate. What he felt for her was so much more than love. Leaning his head forward he closed his eyes and touched his forehead to hers. "You could have won," She whispered gently. He shook his head brushing his nose against hers.

"No, you were always the better close up fighter." He replied letting her warm sweet breath wash over his face.

He felt her shake her head. "No, you _should _have won. You pulled your last punch. I saw you. You hesitated. Why?"

Kaidan sighed. "Because I couldn't beat you. I didn't let you win, Shepard. I can't fight you."

She shifted uncomfortably beneath him. "I can handle myself," She started.

"I know that. Don't get me wrong, Shepard. You will always beat me in a fight. I can't bring myself to go full out against you. I can't. It has nothing to do with what you can't handle. It's me." He stated evenly. He had been hoping she wouldn't have noticed that he pulled his last punch. Shepard still would have won in his book even without him holding back, it had been a subconscious hold back.

"You didn't want to hurt me." She said calmly. "Kaidan, you know that…"

"I know, I know, but I saw flashes of the coup all over again. Me, looking down the barrel of my gun at you. I would have pulled the trigger. I didn't want too. But I would have…I… I wanted then to trust you, I did trust you, but…I just…I don't know, Shepard. I stopped reacting and started thinking."

"Kaidan," His name was a soft caress to his ears. He sighed again and started to stroke her hair. His chest felt unbearably heavy suddenly. A grief so thick was building up in his heart. He _knew_ that in his heart of hearts he would have pulled the trigger. He felt suddenly sick to his stomach. But just like when they had been sparring he had hesitated. Subconsciously, maybe he knew he never could have. But it still felt like he was lying to himself. He waited for her to get up and leave. To tell him to get out.

Shepard's hands on his chest brought him back to his senses. He opened his eyes and pulled back to stare at her face again. She was grinning up at him. Once again with that damnable know it all smile. "Kaidan, you could never have pulled the trigger. Just as I never could have pulled the trigger on you."

A little smile tugged at his lips. "You're sure about that, Shepard?" He teased right before his mouth covered hers.


	39. Dressed Up

_Been a while, but I wanted to get a few chapters written and start editing them. These will deal with the Citadel DLC. So spoilers...ahoy! Thanks for the reviews, alerts, and favorites. : ) _

_PE _

**Dressed Up**

The day had started with potential. Some shopping with friends and the day was to end with dinner at that great sushi place she kept hearing about of course dinner with Joker, but hey it was what it was. Joker was a friend. But, no…She couldn't have dinner like a normal person. She was surprised her day had even somewhat started out normal.

Instead she ended up shot at, using Joker as bait, falling through a fish tank, getting soaking wet, sliced up by glass, shot at some more and now she was expected to dress up and mingle with people she really didn't have the heart to even talk too. Shepard groaned grabbing the form fitting simple, but elegant black and red dress from her closet. The hanger rattled and fell to the floor. Growling she picked it up and flung it on the bed. She would deal with it later. She trudged into the bathroom starting the shower, she slipped out of her comfortable still damp with fish water clothes.

She showered quickly thoroughly washing her hair and wrapping it up in a towel when she was finished. The one nice thing about this was she would get to see Kaidan dressed up too. She smiled at the thought. She couldn't wait to see him. Or the look on his face when he saw her. She hoped Brooks remembered to snap a picture, because she wanted his expression captured on film.

Her reflection gazed back at her from the mirror over the bathroom sink. She had only miniuam make-up with her. She didn't wear it normally. Sighing, she dabbed on the mascara and traced her eyes with eyeliner, brushed on some light blush and swabbed her lips with shimmering pink lipstick. That was it. She didn't have in powder or foundation, no eye shadow or lip liner either. Taking a step back she looked at herself, draped in a white towel, her hair wrapped and make-up applied. She looked different. Like someone else. She was clean, first of all, but without her weapons or armor she felt more than naked under her towel…she felt exposed.

Shivering she turned away from the mirror. She pulled on underwear and bra, then unzipped the dress and slipped into it. Zippering the thing back up was a little problem.

"Dammit!" She swore twisting her arm trying to grab hold of the blasted little thing.

"Need some help?"

Shepard pivoted toward the door way. Brooks stood their looking smashing in her dress and heels. Her hair and make-up were perfect. Shepard snorted. It wasn't fair that she was good at shooting, fighting, killing, sparring and whatever else, but not good at being well feminine. She had never thought about it. She tried really hard to be more like 'normal' women, but she just wasn't.

"Sure, thanks." Shepard said briskly turning her back to Brooks. The other woman chuckled her heels clacking on the tile floor as she approached. Brooks placed a warm hand on her shoulder and zipped up the back.

"You look good, Commander. I mean you clean up well."

"Thanks again." Shepard looked in the mirror again and flinched. Unwinding her towel, she let her long damp hair fall around her shoulders. "Now to tackle this disaster." Shepard thought about just pinning it up in a bun like normal and leaving it at that. But as she started to do so Brooks, spoke up.

"You're just going to pull it into a bun, aren't you?"

Shepard nodded and placed some bobby pin in her mouth crushing the little metal clips with her lips.

Brooks shook her head her long black hair swishing softly across her shoulders as she did. "Oh no, Commander, you can't. Your hair is really nice. You should leave it down." She suggested.

Shepard raised an eyebrow at her, a smile twitching at the corner of her mouth. She removed the bobby pins from her lips. "So tell me, what happens if I get into a fight?"

Brooks glanced around nervously, she wrung her hands. "Uhh…I hope it doesn't come to that. I mean it's a charity event, right, so I mean us sneaking me into the ventilation duct is like the only security problem they should have."

"Yeah, right, I was planning on getting shot at while eating dinner too. You never know, Brooks. Expect the unexpected." Shepard smiled at the other woman.

Brooks shook her head. "Well, I hope it doesn't come down to that. But if it does maybe, you're right." She crossed her arms. "But you have to pull your hair up a little differently than normal. Here I can help you."

"Brooks, that's okay. I really…" Shepard sighed as the Specialist took her pins and brush from hands and forced her to sit on the stool in front of the bathroom vanity. "You know, when you want something, you're bossy."

"Bossy, Commander?" She laughed and started brushing through Shepard long dark hair. "I'm just honored to be doing Commander Shepard's hair. Can you imagine? Me telling my future grandchildren stories of this moment."

Shepard started to shake her head and then stopped. "I would appreciate it if you left this little tidbit out of your stories."

"Why? It makes you more believable as a character and person. You can't be good at everything." Brooks stated with certainty.

"I don't _try _to be good at everything. I just am." Shepard teased back. She wasn't good at everything. She knew it. She wasn't a good dancer. She knew that. She tried, but…some things just weren't meant to be.

Brooks twisted her hair carefully and then pinned it in place. "There, much better. At least it's not regulation."

Shepard glanced at herself in the mirror. She looked different more feminine. She had dressed up before, but it had been a long time ago. It was for a ceremonial banquet or something like that. The night in truth had been a complete bore. All she remembered was dancing with some brass' nephew or some such and that he had grabby hands. Once she had subdued him by slamming him up against the wall the evening had abruptly ended.

"You look pretty, Commander." Brooks commented.

Shepard smirked and looked at the Specialist. "Just 'pretty', huh? Not exactly what I was going for."

Brooks shrugged. "Well, If I were into women, then maybe you would look more than pretty." She eyed Shepard up and down again. "Though I think Major Alenko will be very impressed."

Shepard narrowed her eyes at the other woman. "What's that supposed to mean?" Shepard asked cautiously. It wasn't a big secret her and Kaidan were involved but she didn't like that someone outside of the Normandy might know. Anderson certainly had to have an idea and possibly even Hackett though both men seemed to look the other way when it came to Shepard and Kaidan. She was thankful to them for that. She needed Kaidan. It was just that plain and simple.

"Come on, Commander, I might spend most of my time behind a desk and computer screen, but I'm not blind. Everyone sees the way he looks at you. Not to mention you wanted him to be your _date_ tonight. You wanted him to see you dressed up like this." Brooks commented smiling coyly at her.

Shepard sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Brooks," Shepard started.

"Don't worry, Commander, I won't say anything." Brooks winked and smiled.

Shepard shook her head. "I'll hold you to it."

Brooks left and Shepard hurried to make certain she was completely ready. She glanced in the mirror one last time before she left checking her hair and makeup. She had to admit she at least looked good, different but good. She smiled sweetly. Yeah, maybe a little part of her wanted Kaidan to see her this way-dressed up in something besides armor and fatigues. Dressed like this she was simply Vaina Shepard and she kind of liked it, she wanted Kaidan to like it too.


End file.
